October 2002 Archives

Got back this afternoon at 2 - going with my mom's friend for dinner - tired!!!

Quick note before I start to get ready:
a new skin is almost ready. Is this the first Nana skin on the net???

Please send me love!!!
Vanina W.
GDB1
Dinwiddy House
189-205 Pentonville road
N1 9NF London
UK

I am sorry for all the fucks down there. Please forgive me ;_;

I had to go back to King's College to get my money (my mom gave some money to a collegue of her in Brussels, who came back in London today and gave it to her husband who is a lecturer at King's) and I am... FUCKING ANGRY!!!
And I feel like saying fuck a lot.
Basically I ended up in the wrong building, had to walk 10 minutes under the rain, I got completely wet... I was a bit disappointed because Tom was with some friends so I couldn't see him... So I get to the fucking King's College and call the guy. I'm waiting for him and Tom comes in. But just to tell me he's going to the library. Now you must know that fucking PMS is killing me, meaning that I have terrible mood swings. So I was a bit depressed this afternoon and when Tom had to go I got angry. I also sent him stupid texts telling him he's bad and I hate him... In fact I was half making fun of him and half really angry.
But then he told me he really had to study for an essay and bla bla BUT he also told me he's going out tonight. Does it make any sense???? NO IT DOESN'T!!!!! That's way I am angry at him now - in fact I am angry with the whole world.
And going home I even got on the wrong bus and ended up taking the tube anyway - I HATE THE TUBE!!!!
Everything is so blurry and everyone's so fake
and everybody is empty and everything is so messed up...
I fucking love this song.

No Rika life doesn't suck... Even if I have some problems I am so happy to be here I don't really care - and then they're not real problems!!! I can perfectly live with them :))) I'm afraid I sound like I only care about boys and having fun and... I don't know ^^;;; I am not _only_ like that. I have to get used to express here not only my material problems but also my deep thoughts and all that stuff... :)
*lol* I think I'm exagerating (did I spell that right? o_O I can't be bothered to go and check it on the dictionary ^^;;) a bit - I sound dramatic :)
Anyway. Just got back from Tom's place. Eheheh... *^^* We went at his friend Alade's place last night and got drunk... I know it sounds a bit like a loser's night but it was quite nice actually :)
I can't wait to go the mayfair tonight - and to the afterparty (the best part of the whole thing). I think Sophie and Kirsty are coming too. I hope they're not angry at me - I was supposed to go out with them last night but in the end I wanted to see Tom sooooo.... :)
Oh my god I am starving... The last thing I ate was a bacon burger with chips at the Burger King in Picadilly Circus at 1 last night. That sounds weird ah???? XD

I updated every site in my collective - go and see for yourself!!! :)

Tell me what do you think you see... You think I'm so predictable Tell me who do you think I am???
I don't think there is a person in this world who really truly know me... Not my ex-boyfriend, not my friends and even less someone here.
I can't decide whether it's a good thing or not...

The best feeling in the world: drink a cappuccino in your room just chilling out on your own knowing that later on in the day and in the week you're gonna go crazy and have lots of fun.
Ok maybe it's not THE best feeling in the world, but it's good! :)
And wearing jeans and a white tshirt with a really cool and big coloured scarf. That's good too.
I know those are just random things I like and nobody will ever understand them but well... I am weird :)

I don't know why but suddendly I'm really sad and feel like crying. Actually I already cried.
Why is my mind so fucked about things??? James and Tom and my stupid need of feeling desired by someone... And my even more stupid feelings for James - I know he's not the guy for me. I just... Want him. But I know he's not for me. HE. IS. NOT. And then there's Tom. And he's so cute and nice but... I feel so bad about the whole thing - when I'm with him I'm ok but then when I'm alone I just keep thinking about that first night and what happened with James - over and over again... I'm obsessed about it - you know when you want something to happen again so bad you can actually close your eyes and think about it and almost feel it again...
Oh my god I'm going crazy. I am. Or maybe it's only because it's 12.34 and I should be in bed and I had depressing conversations on how bad guys can be with Sophie & Kirsty...

Still working on my sites... I only have to do the playlist for that skin, finish a couple of sections in Gokinjo World, finish putting everything in the main site layout and adding a new gallery to vsp.nu e-magery outlet. And maybe do a couple wallpapers... I can't wait to put everything online - it will rock!!!
But I have to decide whether I want to do new layouts for Skin me! and vsp.nu e-magery outlet. I don't like the two layouts that are up anymore. So I guess I'll work on that. And maybe on my personal site... Wow I'm excited *^^*
I have a tutorial at 4 though... And I have to do a presentation... But it's an easy one, because it's on the most crazy reading ever. The guy's saying that people were better without development, that we have to enjoy our powerlessness to help others and that we can even sacrifice ourselves for the search of the truth. Crazy crazy stuff. I'll just make a short summary and say I reaaaaaally desagree with him. :)
I'm being good lately - I'm replying to (almost) all the emails I reiceive - usually it takes me AT LEAST 1 week to reply to emails... I'm just so lazy!!! :) A proposito scusa Cat per la tua email me l'ero persa da qualche parte ;___; D'ora in poi ti rispondero' subitissimo ;)
Jana thank you for including me in the list of the people you think are great! ^^ You have such nice ideas... Yeah it would be so nice to meet all these people I read of in you journal that seem so... Cool? No, it's not the word. Interesting and nice and intelligent and just fantastic... I don't know how to say it!!! ^^ And sure I'll show you around London... We can go everywhere you want, to pubs getting drunk, to nice clubs and dance, or just in my flat with my mates getting stoned and having nice conversations... I bet you'll like my flatmate Freddie - he can say such nice things on everything it's crazy.
When I woke up I started to think at all the times I was in the UK when I was a child - how could I guess then that I would live here??? But I loved it even back then... I was thinking of being in Piccadilly Circus 3 or 4 years ago with my friend Fabiola (with whom I completely lost contact), and then I was there 2 nights ago with Tom and it was just the same... Places are always the same, the people change but it's always as exciting to be in London. I think I fell in love with this city and I'll never stop loving it...

I feel good - I spent the afternoon working on my sites. I've done almost half of the new version of Gokinjo World (I written everything all over again, in english), I've also worked on a skin for the first time in MONTHS... In the past days I also did the new layout for vsp.nu and made a wallpaper... One of these days I'll start to work on my personal site too - but I have to find a name for it... I'll think about it.
But at the same time I feel bad - I have to study. I'll do it now!

In the end I came back home at around 12 - I was way too tired to go to a house party, and even less ready to go to a club!!!!
BUT! Before coming home I met with Tom (he was at the Rocket bar in Euston road which is 15 minutes away from my halls) and... Yeah he slept here... Eheheh...
That's not good - everything is becoming WAY too serious - come on we've been together 4 days and we've met every - actually every night. Oh my gooooooooooood what am I doing???? X_x
Anyway. Last night I also briefly met James friends again - Philip, Marina, Ben... Ben is SO cool. He's italian so it's pretty much obvious XD Just kiddin'.
Gotta go - my room is in such a mess it's horrible!!! And I have to make a summary of the reading for my presentation.

I know this song is crap but I just love it - makes me dance!!!
I have to get ready - going out again!!! I shouldn't I shouldn't I shouldn't... But come on you are 18 only once in a lifetime!!! XD
Tomorrow I'll be dead but I HAVE TO STUDY for my presentation.
So we are going to a house party, another house party and MAYBE I'll go to a club after that.
Apparently some of my brother's friends wanted to invite to CHINAWHITE TONIGHT!!!! I can't believe it!!! How lucky am I??? My mom told me - they didn't call yet - but if they do I'll ask them if I can go next saturday.
COME ON CHINAWHITE ON SATURDAY!!!!
I am too cool... XD

I'm starting Friday Five too!!! :)
1. What is your favorite scary movie? I loved the Sixth sense, but The silence of the lambs is pretty good too...
2. What is your favorite Halloween treat? I don't know, I never did trick or treat!!! XP
3. Do you dress up for Halloween? If so, describe your best Halloween costume. Actually I think I dressed up last year for the first time in my life (for halloween), but it wasn't a real dress up... I was with 3 friends and we dressed up as witches... It wasn't that bad - we were pretty scary XD
4. Do you enjoy going to haunted houses or other spooky events? Yeaaaaaaah I love to be scared!!! XD
5. Will you dress up for Halloween this year? Naah I don't think so... Actually I don't even know what I'm doing for Halloween - I have to find out!!! ^_^

Goodbye to everything I thought I knew...
This song represents exactly my feelings when I came here... My whole life is changing - it's already so different...
Ok let's stop thinking about this depressing stuff!!!
I slept (ehm - non really slept, no ok slept but... AAAAAH I am nasty XD) at Tom's place again last night. We were at Tom's bestfriend place until like 3ish... And I was sick for the first time in my life for being drunk :/ I think I drank half a bottle of Smirnoff -> 3 VERY STRONG vodka and orange and 5 shots of vodka. Oh my god I was SO sick!!! I think I promised to myself I wouldn't drink for a week or something but there is NO WAY I am gonna keep that promise!!! XD
Poor Tom he had to take care of me for like 2 hours... His friends were really nice with me too. I have to thank them...
Some other friends of his were dicks though =_= There is this guy called Dom, he is SO STUPID. I hate him... *sigh*
Anyway. I have to decide what I want to do tonight. I've been invited by James to a house party - or I could go with Tom and we'll watch a dvd... They are both tempting options. If I go with Tom I'll go back to his place after, I know... If I go to the party I'll have fun and I'll probably get high and drunk... Which is a good thing!!! Bwahahaha... I don't know... I'll decide later.
Note to myself: never take shots with 2 big black guys. They're gonna be ok and YOU WON'T.
I am really happy - an internet friend (Ylenia parlo di te!!!) is coming to London next week, and then Jana next month... And my good friend Aline is coming in november too. Nice nice nice!!
Oh thank you for linking me Misato-san!!! ^_^

Ahahah!!! It's so funny - Juliette just left me a voicemail asking me if I wanted to go to the mayfair tonight - but I'm really too tired and I don't have much money left for this week so... Nope! Oh besides Juliette is half french half vietnamese girl who works at the mayfair - she's just the most random crazy person on earth... Luv' her! XD
But I am going to a party though... I think it's the party of the girlfriend of a close friend of Tom... Anyway, hope I won't get home too late - tomorrow I can sleep in the morning but I HAVE to work on my essays in the afternoon - I really have to. I need to go the library and get some books... And then I have to finish the readings for comparative economic growth... I had my first tutorial for that course today - and the guy who is doing it is just crazy... He was saying that the western countries are richer because people work harder - WTF??? And then he was arguing with a student... Weird stuff.
Maybe I should have said yes to Juliette... No no no I can't. I can't get fucked up like the last time. Once a week is enough for me.
I can't wait next wednesday to come though. AAAAAAAAAAAH I love the mayfair. And the people in it. And I feel so lucky - having James in my flat and being introduced to all these people from the clubs world... I FEEL COOL!!!
Oh, sidenote: Jana is coming to London in november!!! I can't wait to meet her... XD

In the end I didn't go at the cultural foundations of sea lecture either... Fuck it I was too tired.
Soooo... I spent the evening with Tom - we met up in Kings road with some of his friends, then went to a chinese and had something to eat... And in the end we went back to his place at around 12. It's so weird to have a boyfriend again - and the really strange thing about it is that I don't know how to behave with me, I mean as a girlfriend. I was with Roberto (my ex-boyfriend) for such a long time that I was very open with him - I could tell him the most embarassing things or be very very sappy or... I don't know...
Tom is so cute... I like him. I hope everything works out fine - I just don't wanna think about the future... I don't know how long it will last, and I don't wanna know - I wanna enjoy it NOW.
Yesterday I also met his best friend - his name is Alande (I think???)... He was really drunk but really nice - he told me that Tom really really likes me - and he talks about me all the time... I don't know if it's true but when he told me I was about to melt - Tom is so sweet...
I have to stop babbling so much. And I have to go and finish my readings for comparative economic growth... How boring.

Ok. I got back home this morning at fucking 7.30. I even went to my vietnamese lecture but I didn't have any concentration whatsoever and had to leave 1 hour earlier (I actually fell asleep for like 30 seconds).
So... Last night I met with Tom at 9.40 - we got into mayfair at around 10.10 (BAD!!! Way too early) and stayed there until 3... We drank (the best vodka & orange of my life), danced and talked ALOT. It was nice. And... We are going out. Yeah we are. His best friend sent him a text that I accidentaly read, like "so are you going out with her"... I couldn't ask him normally so in the end I texted him "So are we going out or not?" and e replied "Are you silly? OF COURSE"... I'm quite happy about it...
Then Tom left after the club and I went on with James, Roger (he's working with James), Baby Tom, Patricio, Ben (actually his name is Boris), Patti, Juliette and some other people I can't remember... We were in this guy's flat - It was so cool!!! We got so fucked up though.
Anyway. It's not true that I don't care about James anymore - I still fancy him. And Roger was hitting on me - ALOT. He really really really wanted... Well, basically, to fuck me. But I'm not going to do something like that to Tom - I want to try to have a nice relationship with him. I have to be a good girl!!!

Just came back from a pub near Victoria - i was there with Tom... And a friend of his! So we didn't talk.
But... I think that I'd like to be with him. He's so cute and nice - he's easily the nicest guy I've ever met.
And in the end I don't really care about James - we get along so well as friends, it's just fine. We had the most interesting and passionate discussions yesterday - on the world, on the third world, on politics, on jobs, just everything. It was really nice.
Soooo... Tonight I'm going to the Mayfair - Halloween night!!! Tom is coming too so maybe I'll have a chance to talk to him. And then the afterparty will be... IN OUR FLAT!!! How cool is that???? I won't get any sleep I know! Now I should go and finish my vietnamese homework - fuck... AAAAAAAH!!
Maybe I'll post something tonight when I'll be very drunk and stoned... Eheheheh...

I like vietnamese but the homework I have to do is just stupid... X_x
Hello my name is Xoan how are you? Thank you. I am fine. Bla bla bla bla!!!!
Tom is not calling me. He told me he would call me after his lecture. But he didn't tell me when was his lecture. Fuck...
Sunday I'm going to see a movie with my mom's friend Anne... She's really nice it's already the second time she invites me - and it's cool I get to go to the theatre and see really intellectual stuff (ah ah just kidding).
I am bored. I'll play with Neverwinter Nights a bit.

I am really tired and my back hurts like hell... ;___;
Our flat looks really cool now though! Eheheh...
I'm kinda nervous about talking with Tom... I really don't know what I want. I'm just a confused little girl!!!! ^^;;;
I have to study vietnamese today - I have my lecture at 9 tomorrow morning. I don't think I'll get any sleep tonight. YAYYYYYYYY!!!
But I'm startying to worry - I'm not really dressing up for tonight... Oooooh fuck it I'll be ok.
What else... I have to start my essays this weekend. I HAVE TO.
I can't believe october is almost over already... Time is passing too fast. I don't want all this to finish. EVER.

Ruby-sama is linking me too!!! YAYYYYYYYY!!!
Wow, I'm starting to be famous *^_^*
(not really ^^;;;)

Ahahah that was so funny...
It started like a really serious study session - then the first reading (the one I have to make a presentation of) was completely crazy; like the guy who wrote it must be some religious fanatic, buddhist or something! He was going on about how we have to feel our powerlessness and learn from it and learn to really understand people and bla bla bla... Basically he said the concept of development is crap and we have to change and be friends and I don't know what else... It just was some really crazy shit!!!
Anyway. After 2 hours on the damn thing and 3 coffees we started reading the stuff for comparative economic growth and we were like WHAT THE...????? It's not a first year course. It can't. Why on earth do I have to do an economics course? An USELESS economics course. Oh and can someone explain to me the difference between GDP and GNP? It's all messed up in my head ;___;
Then I don't know why we started decorating our kitchen and put postcards all over the place and started to make stories with words cut off from the newspapers... We ended up with a story about Harry Potter swallowing ecstasy and learning from drugs and having sex with someone who's asking him to fuck like a tiger or something... Some really really really crazy story.
And now it's already 3.17!!!
But it's all good I don't have any lecture or tutorial tomorrow - I just have to meet up with Tom...
Yeah actually I sent him a text and we decided we will meet tomorrow and talk about what's going on... Apparently (the other Tom told me that) he's not sure about what's going on between us - and I'm not either, because... When I think about it I don't want it to get serious but then I see him and he's so cute and nice...
I'm so fucked up...
And I know that one of these days I'll start to think about my ex boyfriend again and how he acted with me and how wrong it sounds now that I think about it... FUCK IT I don't want to think about that - now I am in London, I am having fun, I am free to do whatever I want and I WON'T THINK ABOUT THAT. Period.
Going to reply to some emails now. Byeeeeeee crazy cats...

I found out why James was missing half of his lectures - he has agoraphobia poor darling... Must be horrible!!!
Anyway. Tonight I AM NOT GOING OUT and I'll have a nice study session with James on development studies and comparative economic growth... And I have to start thinking about my essays!
1. Development studies (unassessed) - 1000 words - 8th november
2. Cultural foundations of SEA - 1200/1500 words - 14 november
3. Another development studies - 2000 words - end of november
4. Comparative economic growth - I don't know - end of november
Oh my God I am scared about that! I have to write essays IN ENGLISH!!!!
Fuck... ;___;

Oh grazie per i messaggi sulla tagboard!!! Aluccia lo so Londra e' meravigliosa... Anche a me non sembra vero di essere qui, proprio io... E la gente e' semplicemente fantastica!!!! Mi sento veramente fortunata ad essere qua *^_^*

Ah ah it was a nice night... I am tired now though =_=
We went to ucl union - me, sophie, freddie, (the other) tom, jessie and then my aunt's best friend's daughter (Irene, before yesterday I hadn't spoken to her for like 3 years, but she's nice) came in too... We just got a few drinks and I was thinking about Tom so I sent him a text asking him if he was still in sussex and he texted me back "oh aren't you coming to ucl union???"... ^^;;;
Ok so I saw Tom... And this time we didn't do anything - I really didn't feel like because at one point I started this girlish conversation with Sophie and we were just saying that all guys are assholes and we started to talk about my ex boyfriend and suddendly I realized how wrong it sounded; that we were together when I was only 14 and he was 24, that I was a child and he was an adult, and even though I know he cared about me, he shouldn't have done what he did... In some way he took advantage of me, and I'm talking about sex too...
Anyway after this really depressing thought... So Tom just stayed in my room all night and it was all very sweet and nice... But I have to talk to him and find out what we are doing... I am a bit scared because... I don't know if I want something serious and then there is James - and he was looking at me in a strange way last night, and he didn't greet me as he usually does (kissing me on both cheeks) and... I don't know maybe I was only drunk.
Last night I had 4 (not too strong) vodka & lemonade and 2 (REALLY strong) double vodka & orange. I'm drinking too much.

Going to ucl union! 99p night!!!! YAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

I am back "home" = London!
i thought I was going to die on the way from the tube to my room - the 2 bags were damn heavy... I promise I'll never do that to myself again!!!! ç_ç
But I'm happy to be back. Now I have to study for my tutorial at 4... Oh my god I'm gonna fall asleep (and I've been sleeping the whole 3 hours on the eurostar ^^;;;).

I just watched 2 episodes of ER... I just love that series - the actors are SO good, the plot is good, and it's never "the same thing", it's always different...
I really miss it in London ç_ç And now Benton and Cleo are gone and I don't even know why and where and when ç_ç
I have to find the episodes summaries on the internet! :)
I just spoke to Alli on the phone - apparently she's coming to London on the 25th or 26th of november! I can't wait to see her... It's the only person I really miss from last year (yeah, my highschool life was kinda sad)...
I don't know how I'll manage to get back home tomorrow *sigh*
But I want to be at the train station on my own so I can smoke my marlboro menthol - luv' them! I just smoke one a long time ago but it was really good... But apparently they are even worst than normal cigarettes :/
Anyway. Goodnight!!!

Na-nani??? Hikaru is linking me!!! THANK YOU DARLING!!!! *^^*

Rika, I'm sorry you have all these problems - and I'm telling you, you're absolutely right, that therapy sounds like bullshit - it seems like they aren't looking at you like a human being... But I'm happy to see you feel better now - the right thing to do is to think positive! Come on!
(I don't know if I count like a friend, but I really hope you get better!)
I'm going back to London tomorrow... Weird!
Unfortunately I have TWO bags (heavy bags) + my laptop (which has a fucking gigantic bag)... My arms are hurting already... And I have to take the tube in London... And change platform at Euston... FUCK! I'm gonna die... ç_ç I'm bringing back some tomato sauce (my daddy cooked it), caprice des dieux, crottin (french cheese), french butter and apple compôte (my mom cooked it!)... I really missed my parents cooking - I've been eating pasta and toasts for one month!!! XP
I also hope to get some Tareau ailé rice tomorrow morning - yummy! And Comté (another french cheese)... :)
It was a good trip: I am going back with new clothes, new shoes, new make up and toilet stuff, lots of stuff to eat... Eheheh... :)
I also spoke for the first time in 4 years with one of my best friends of the time - actually he was a boyfriend of mine when I was 14. I was convinced he would hate me, but he doesn't... So it's really nice, I've got a friend back! :)

Last night I had a nightmare.
James and Kirsty were almost getting together but they didn't; then I asked James why he was acting like that and he told me that he and Kirsty were sexually attracted or something like that. I then asked if he had kissed me for the same reason and he told me that no, he didn't like me at all... It was awful I felt so bad :/
But it was only a dream...
Tomorrow I have to buy cigarettes - marlboro lights, J & B, Gauloises and Marboro menthol (for me... I know I shouldn't but... Well, fuck it!).
How many cigarettes can you bring in another country (out of the shengen)???
I don't want my parents to spend too much money though... I'll se tomorrow. Now gotta sleep - I don't wanna get up at 2 tomorrow!!!! ^^;;;

Today I woke up at 2. Wooooohoooo! Now I understand why my brother was sleeping all day when he came here - London is a tiring city!!!!!!!!! XD
List of all the stuff my parents bought me this weekend:
1 skirt (brown with pale blue stripes, asymmetric and really cool)
4 tops (they are black; one is embroidered with black flowers and stuff; 1 black velvet top with open sleeves; I can't describe the other 2 but they are really nice)
1 pair of shoes (black pointy sandals with stiletto heels)
lots of collants
2 shower foams
1 black eye liner
Sim city 3000 world edition
1 mouse for my laptop
1 film for my polaroid i-zone
6 shot glasses for my flat
and my mom gave me one of hers fur hats - it was a gift from Afghanistan from my aunt. And then I have various other stuff I'm bringing back to London.
And my mom is buying me a pair of jeans from La Redoute's catalogue (Miss Sixty! Yay!)
I am really tired... AAAAAAAAAAH!
And I'm scared of going back to London... And happy at the same time. Actually I'm scared because of school (I have to start writing essays soon) and the whole situation with Tom... But I'm having so much fun up there that I don't really care. And I can't wait for wednesday night to come!!!! ^_^

A quelle che mi hanno scritto un'email e aspettano una risposta: arrivera' lunedi' sera, quando saro' back in London! :)

I was just surfin' the net and suddendly I thought "I have to check my mailbox!" not remembering that I am in Paris and not in London.
I think it will seem strange to most people, but I already miss London. Now you can understand why I love so much that city and why it took me only a few days to adapt myself there. It's weird, isn't it? :)
I want to see James. Tomorrow I'll have some pictures I took during the first week ready - then I'll scan them!!! Ahahah! So you will see James and Freddie and... Sh00t! I don't think Tom is in there... How stupid...
How come I am so tired??? Oh yeah maybe because last night I went to bed at 2.30 and this morning I got up at 7. Could be ha? XD
I want to see Tom. He didn't reply to my text. He's mean.
Can you explain me why I like two guys at the same time???
No, actually... I liked James first and then started liking Tom because I couldn't have James.
That's not good. At all.
I feel bad...

I'm in Paris and it feels really strange... I feel like I've been here the whole time, and just went away for a few days...
The bad thing is... IT'S RAINING!!!!!!!!!!! Looks like I bring the rain ç_ç Bought lots of clothes for next week (Mayfair) and even for the week after (Fashion tv party -> dress code: new romantic)... Cool cool!!!
And I even have new shoes - with stiletto heels - I'm gonna kill myself but I don't care because they are BEAUTIFUL. Pointy black shoes. AHAHAH! I have to tell Tom - he hates shoes :) I'll send him a text through o2 website. And I have to send a text to James too - to ask him which brand of cigarettes he wants...
Seems like my parents have been spending their time redecorating the house while I was gone. They are weird ^^;;;
Oh and maybe tonight I'll get to speak with Alli (one of my best friends) for a little bit. YAY!!!!!

I had such a nice night - I'm really happy.
I went out with James, we first got a pizza somewhere in Islington (it was so funny like a girl from Dinwiddy was working there - she surely thinks we were out on a date *lol* I wish we had!!!), got a Quattro stagioni and it was even good.
Had lots of funny conversation - like "what was the most embarassing thing that ever happened to you" and lots of sex stuff... Nothing bad, just funny things. It's nice to get a stupid conversation like that with a guy - before tonight I only had that kind of conversation with girls!!!
Anyway. After the pizza we went to the cinema and watched Red dragon. I still can't decide whether it was good or not; but I think it wasn't. I wouldn't recommand it; it's just not worth the 5 £ I paid to see it. I don't know, it just started really good and then got bad...
Edward Norton and Ralph Fiennes were so HOT though. Ralph Fiennes has a nice ass too.
They would both be my perfect guys...
James told me that this morning at around 5.30 Roger (a really cool guy from his work) told him to call me and get to the hotel where they were smoking drinking etc. (having the afterparty) but then James phone died... Oh my god I would have LOVED to be there. They were even going to pay for my taxi!!! Next wednesday I am going to the Mayfair - I'm not going to miss that again!!! I want to have fun like the last time...
It's all good! But next wednesday it's a kind of Halloween party so I'll have to dress up. I'm going for the vampire costume... So this weekend I have to find EVERYTHING I NEED!!! Mom you're gonna spend lots of money... BWAHAHAHAH!
Oh yeah I'm going back to Paris tomorrow. I have my desktop computer there so i can post. Cool!
Last thing: I was talking with Tom through texts and in the end he sent me this text: "I miss you already, have a good time xxxx"
What does that means??? He's missing me? Must be the first stupid thing that popped out of his mind. I hope.
Fuck I like James...
And I like Tom too but not as much as James...
WHAT AM I THINKING?????

Cultural foundations of contemporary South East Asia: BORING!!!
I am so shocked; I went to change the time of my tutorial for comparative economic growth in Asia and Africa and I met the lecturer, so I asked her if my presentation topics would be the same; suddendly she was really upset because the tutorial I wanted to sign up for was already full (18 students). So I had to pick up one on friday, which pisses me off because friday was one of my free days. I wanted to go to the one from 1 to 2 but she was really upset again and in the end she put me in the tutorial from 3 to 4. She was SO RUDE I couldn't believe it. A girl from my vietnamese class was with me and she was as shocked as I was. I've never seen someone being so rude!!! And being in that tutorial is even worse because it means that on the weeks I go back to Paris I'll completely lose fridays, because I'll to catch the train at 5-6 = I'll be in Paris around 9-10. I hate it!!! Why did she had to be so rude??? I wanted to get the seminar from 1 to 2 - I have the right to decide what time my classes will be, as long as they are not full!!! Hate her *grrrrr*
My mother is going to kill me - I didn't pick up the plants she forgot here back in september... POVERA ME!!!

Oh my god I am tired... Went to the vietnamese class at 9 today (I only got in the class at 9.10 because it took me like 15 minutes to find out theu changed the room for it... Like I was looking at the timetable on the third floor of the main building but the updated one was on the fourth floor, so I just walked around until I found it... ^^;). The lecturer is really young, he must be a student too; he's vietnamese. I catched up with the prononciation and everything, it was cool actually - now I can say my name, my nationality, what job I am doing, and I can ask someone his name, nationality and job... I can ask "how are you" and answer it... I know all the basic stuff, it's so cool... :) I have another class at 3 - cultural foundations of comtemporary south east asia. It looks like a nice class; apparently the last time a student asked the lecturer if we had tutorials or something and he told him "No you just have to come and enjoy yourself!". ^^;;; I think it will be easy - there 4 essays to do during the year though :/
I am REALLY scared about essays in english - I think it will take me a bit of time to be able to do one well. But it's ok - anyway for the first year we just need to pass the course, we don't have marks. Yay!
I keep thinking that I like Tom but I like James even more. I had the weirdest dreams tonight - James breaking up with his girlfriend and we got together and stuff... Now you can understand why I am so tired - I didn't sleep too well!!! :)
And I keep thinking of a conversation I had with James the other day. I was telling him that I liked being single - it's just better, you can do whatever you want and stuff and he told me that he was better when he was with someone, because then he can look at girls differently, without thinking of getting with them nor anything. At this point I REALLY wanted to ask him "Then what about what happened the first night between us???"... He has to like me in some way. I know he does. This is why it's so awkward to talk to him, especially about Tom - and it's so bad he even knows I slept with him (apparently everyone does, actually...)!
Like I bumped on Sophie this morning and the first thing she said to me was "I heard you had fun last night!!!"... What the...????
Gotta go to eat something.

I was thinking... I've been 18 for exactly 2 months and 1 day - and the last 4 weeks have been the best in my life.
Life can be so strange sometimes.

Ok I went to Freddie's brother thingy in the end - I was too tired to go to the Mayfair.
And then, well... Tom was there. It was a bit awkward in the beginning but then we started talking and... We ended up kissing again and holding hands and all that cute stuff. And at around 11 we got back here (before the others) and... You can imagine what happened.
The problem is, when I see him he's just so cute I just can't stop myself. But I am quite happy now :)
The only thing I don't like at all is that he got back to halls after, well, "that". I was really sad, it just made me want to cry - it's like... I felt... A bit used. I know he had to go back because he has a lecture at 9 and has to get some sleep but... I don't know. I really wanted him to stay here and... Sleep in the bed with me. It's just the cutest thing, to fall asleep in the arms of a guy you like. It's sweet.
I don't know... I suppose we're kind of together now. He told me I have to go to his halls one time - doesn't sound nice. I think that... Maybe for him it's just a sex thing. Ok it was a sex thing for me too at the beginning, but now it's changing, because I just am a stupid teenager girl who dreams all the time.
And anyway, I still like James. A LOT. If I had the opportunity to get with him at any time I would just screw the rest of the world and do it.
I FEEL BAD!!!!!!!!!!

I have to decide what to do tonight!
Mayfair club -> Pros: I'll dance all night; I get to see James; it's always fun to go to a club; I'll get to see James friends too -> GORGEOUS guys (Micheal and Ben)
Cons: I'm alone (no actually Rie and a friend of her are coming but... They're not really people you want to spend a night in a club with); I have a lecture tomorrow morning at 9 and can't miss it, so I can't go to the afterparty anyway, and the afterparty is the nicer part of the whole thing; I could have to pay 10 £ to get in and then drinks are REALLY expensive (8 £ for a vodka = no drinks for me)
Freddie's brother concert -> Pros: Freddie's friends, they are cool!; drinks won't be too expensive; it's only 3 £ to get in; it's near home so I can get back whenever I want, and it won't come back too late anyway
Cons: I am not sure it will be that fun
And Tom will be at Freddie's brother thingy... I don't know if it's a pro or a con. I'm starting to think it wasn't such a good idea to invite him over the other night. I like him, he's cute and nice, but I don't want a boyfriend. I really don't want to be stuck in a relationship again. I don't want to look like a slut, but I like being single and be free to do whatever I want, including pulling the first random cute guy I meet. I wasn't able to do it for 5 years of my teenager life, I wanna do it now!!!
Come on, I am a student... I WANT TO BE FREE!!!!!!!!

Oh my God I'm tired. Vietnamese lecture was cool - vietnamese has just the easiest grammar ever. The prononciation is a bit complicated but oh well. The development conditions and experience lecture was damn interesting - the lecturer is so funny, he's always making jokes and stuff.
Had dinner at home with James tonight, it was nice. We also tried to convince Rie she HAS to come to Mayfair tomorrow (actually I don't even know if I'm going... I don't wanna go alone!!!)... We didn't have much effect on her though. I had the weirdest conversation with James. First of all, he found out I slept with Tom - he just asked me something "Did you do it with Tom" or something and I replied "Yes". I don't know why I told him. I shouldn't even think about it but maybe I was trying to get him jealous. Anyway. Later on we went to the shop for the dinner stuff and he asked me "How's your boyfriend?" or something and I told him Tom wasn't my boyfriend. Then he started telling me this really strange thing like:
you do it one time = whatever
you do it two times = almost boyfriend
you do it three times or more = boyfriend
Ok, I know it's just bullshit, but I started to worry. I don't really know if I want a boyfriend - and I don't wanna hurt Tom, he's so nice. What should I do???
I think one of these days I'll talk to Tom about how I'm feeling. I'll tell him about my ex-boyfriend and stuff. Then I'll see what he tells me.
I have a damn complicated emotional and sexual life haven't I???

It feels weird to see all this new generation of teenagers on the internet, in the anime and blog community. I always felt like I was the youngest one - and I was, in the italian anime/manga community. Now I'm not the youngest one anymore - there are girls that are 12, 13, 15... And I am 18. I am "older". I don't know if I like it actually... :)
The strange thing is - when I see a 13 years-old's site I say to myself "Look at her!!! She's too young to have a site/blog or to say what she's saying!!" But I first entered the anime/manga community when I was 13... So it's pretty contradictory... ^^;;;
I feel so good right now - James knows a bit about html/graphics/computers and stuff - I got to show him my sites and a new layout I'm doing for vsp.nu and he was really impressed! I don't think I am really good with graphics - there are so many amazing people out there, with so much talent... Like Val or Alexa... I really don't think I'll ever be at the same level as them!!! NEVER...
Anyway. I should work on the gokinjo site but I don't really have the material to do it - I suppose I'll have to wait until I go to Paris and I'll take Gokinjo and Parakiss, and various other stuff I need to work on the content properly.
In the meantime I'll start to think about layouts for skin me! and vsp.nu, new skins and new wallpapers. I don't want to change wall-mart layout: I like it so much!!!

Ahah Ruby it's me - Vanina! Can you believe it? I went from a totally loser's life to the coolest experiences ever... :))) Actually I feel so lucky to be here. It's amazing!!!
I'm a bit pissed off at the moment because the lecturer for vietnamese couldn't do anything for the time of her lecture, at least until the week after the reading week (that means around november)... So from now on I'll have to choose between vietnamese and comparative economic growth and attend only one of them. But on thursday I'll try to submit a clash form and then I'll see what happens. I DON'T want to change from comparative economic growth to introduction to economic analysis - I could but I DON'T WANT TO. I hate economics with a passion.
Oh, other random people I have to thank because they linked me and left me messages -> cat and rika!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!
I'm starting to stop liking so much James - I just try not to think about it and it works. And now I know there are ten thousand guys here in London with whom I could be - and I'm talking of CUTE GUYS!!! I'm not saying that I am a goddess or something, it's just... There are so many people that anyone can find a date (or a *ehm* sexual toy!!!)... I feel nasty XD
For example, yesterday at UCL union a certain Jacob was there (Freddie's friend from school) and he made some comment on me to Freddie - like "How come you have such a gorgeous flatmate???". I must say, it felt good to hear it!!! There is nothing better for your ego than some sincere compliments... He was cute too, but I was pretty much obsessive about Tom last night sooooo... And then he even got kicked out of the place because he threw a glass out of the window XD
Yeah, we were all pretty drunk - it was the 99p night!!! 99p for pints of beer and all drinks with vodka... How good are uni's unions around here???? XD
I should study a bit of vietnamese - it's not difficult (I attended the lecture today)... The grammar is so SIMPLE it's amazing. The only problem is prononciation, it's a bit complicated... Really weird sounds. But it's so cool - my lecturer actually wrote the teach yourself vietnamese (and we are using it)... :)
I have to get people to link my blog! If you like this blog PLEASE LINK IT!!! I need hits and people reading about my life!!! I love it XD
I'm such a weirdo...

And he's blond. And tall. And he has really soft and cute hair. And he smells good... His hands are ok, nothing special, just ok.
Now if you want to understand what I just wrote, you have to know that I look for these things in a guy:
1. nice, big hands
2. good smell (the best thing about James is his smell. It's just... Awesome!!!)
3. I like blond, rather skinny, tall guys
The first 2 things really TURN ME ON!!!
And the strange thing is: my boyfriend didn't have any of these, let's call them "qualities". He was just 5 cms taller than me, dark skin and dark hair (really sicilian), he had little hands (for a man) and didn't smell at all.
Oh, and I like someone if I like the way he touches me - and James was so good!!! When he touched me, even my arm, he would squeeze me... I don't know, I can't explain it!!! And I LOVED the way he touched my hair. It was pure erotism (for me).
I should stop talking about James - I have to think about Tom now!!! ^^;;; Anyway. Goodnight!!!

He's just gone - had to go back to get some sleep - he has a lecture at 9 tomorrow! I feel kinda sad now... All alone. I like sleeping with someone who's holding me. Now I don't really feel like sleeping.
You can imagine what happened tonight - like saturday night it was really sweet and funny at the same time... He's such a nice guy, and he's really cute.
Now I am confused though: what will happen next??? Like... Are we together??? I don't know what I want - a relationship, a friendship (not that one anyway!!!) or a sex relationship which seems not so probable... So I have only the first one left. I want to know what he's thinking!!!

He's coming. Now. To Dinwiddy (my halls). I think he's with a friend but I don't care. I'm talking of Tom obviously... :)
I just spent 5 hours in UCL union - it was damn cool! And drinks for 99p = 7 vodka & orange for me! Yes, Im a BIT drunk (that's an euphemism). I can't even write well, so bear with me if I make some mistakes.
Can't wait to see Tom.
AAAAAAAAAH CHE EMOZIONE!!! Non so se Tom mi piace davvero o meno, so solo che sono veramente veramente contenta di vederlo.
It looked like he wanted to see me too. Maybe... I don't know, something could happen. I don't know if it's the right thing to do, but it feels right to me!
I'm so mad though - tomorrow I have to be at uni at 10 to see the vietnamese lecturer... FUCK!
I'm not really thinking about that but oh well. I'll see tomorrow morning ^_^ Wish me good luck!

The first tutorial for Development conditions and experience was really interesting - and the girl who's doing it really nice. She sounded a little bit weird at the beginning but I think she's actually very intelligent.
And I got to spoke three or four times - even if I was really scared of not being able to say what I wanted to do - but everything went well.
More about my classmates later - have to eat something!

Everything seems fine with the vietnamese lecture - tomorrow I'll go talk to my tutor and try to sort it out - it's scheduled to be every tuesday 11-1 so I have to do something about it... Either get the lecturer to change the time of the lecture (I don't know if it will be a problem - the class is really small, like 6 or 7 people) or change language. I'll ask her what I should do.
I'm feeling bad. Apart from the fact I feel sick, I want to talk to someone. And that someone would be Tom - to get things sorted out. I want to know what he thinks, about what happened and what will happen next... I don't know if I want a relationship right now but... He's so cute. And nice with me. And he speaks a little bit of italian :)
I'm really really really confused. And I'm too shy to do anything - like calling him or text him. I know I'll just sit here waiting for something to happen - and it's a bad thing. I shouldn't.
Ok, now I have to do some groceries... Essential things like milk, bread, butter etc.
It's been raining since yesterday afternoon - it's so sad. Rain makes me sad. I was saying the other day to the other Tom (during a "we-are-really-drunk" conversation) that I only like rain when I'm naked under it. Ah ah I know I sound really crazy but I swear it's the most beautiful thing in the world. The problem is, you can't do it whenever you want to... :) Speaking of rain, I have to buy an umbrella. How did I live in London for 3 weeks without an umbrella??? ^_-

Fuck - I'm starting to worry; I could have missed 3 hours of vietnamese last week... I hope I didn't. Otherwise I'll have A LOT to catch up. Why do I act so stupid???? AAAAAAAAAH!!!
I don't know if I should go and see the guy from the politics department - I don't really want to do it... I don't think I'll go...
I also have to change the time of one of my tutorial as it now clashes with a south east asian studies course...
I'm going mad. I am.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

I got to read a couple more pages but I'm really too tired to concentrate. I will do it tomorrow morning - I'll wake up at 9 and study. I also have to start reading the stuff on the reading list for comparative economic growth this week... I don't know if it's really necessary as tutorials for that course only start next week but it would be better to read it know.
Seems like my vietnamese class on tuesday is from 9 to 11 at Russell square; the problem is comparative economic growth it's at 11 at Vernon Square (10-15 minutes walk from Russell Square). Anyway, I'll go on tuesday morning and tell the lecturer.
I think that I'll go to sleep pretty soon, I'm so tired... I didn't realize it until now but I slept like 3 or 4 hours this morning... Poor Tom he had to go to Canterbury after that! Oh by the way, I sent him a nasty text... Eheheh... Can't wait to see what he's gonna text me.
I'm really afraid of just being extremely dreamy now - I really don't know if he likes me. I hope he does... Aaaaaaaaaaaah!!!

Ok, I just found out that I can't just pretend to be able to concentrate enough to read 20+ pages about development in english after having been inactive for more than 3 months. Last time I touched a book was around the end of june for my oral exam... Lots of time! I am not used to study anymore ^^;;;
But I read 10 pages all the same and maybe later I will read a little bit more. Actually the article is really interesting, but it gives so many informations it's difficult to keep my concentration for long. But I will get used again... I only need time!!! :) And the tutorial is only tomorrow at 4 so I have plenty of time to finish reading the article and read the second one too.
Hey, just received a text from Tom "Prego, anytime (note: for the massage), thanks for the bed"... Eheheh. I feel like I am a really nasty girl!!! XD Should I write back? Something like "Anytime for the bed too"? Or would it be too much? I don't know I don't know...
I LOVE BEING SO TEENAGERISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now I really want to see him... And I don't just want to talk to him!!! XD
I am starting to think that in the reality there are only 2 people living in the flat, me and Rie (japanese girl). WHERE THE HELL ARE THE OTHERS??? Why are they disappearing all the time? Freddie must be in Clapham (=girlfriend) and James... Somewhere (not with his girlfriend though - she had to go back today), probably in some really poshy club.
I don't know, maybe I could go see Sophie (she's 2 floors above me)... But I don't really feel like seeing anyone... No, wait, I feel like seeing Freddie (to talk to him about Tom... Poor Freddie I chose him to be my confident, I don't know if he's very happy about it), James (only to look at him... Bwaaaaaah) or Tom (because he's so nice and I am starting to think that I really like him...).
I'm really being stupid. I should stop thinking about Tom. He probably thinks it was only for one night... VANINA STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!

Why do I torture myself??? I should stop thinking to my teenagerish problems and study. Ok. I'll do it. Now I will go in the kitchen and read the damn articles for Development conditions and experience...
But...
AAAAAAH! I know he hasn't any money in his cellphone, so he can't reply to my stupid text.
Where is everybody??? I want to go out...

I feel strange... Apart from the fact that I have a really bad cough I... I want to talk to Tom. I don't know why, it's just that... He's so nice and sweet. I could talk to him for hours. I know I'm having the wrong attitude - if I keep doing this I'm gonna get hurt, in the same way I got hurt with James. I only want to find out wether he... Is happy about what we did. If he likes me. I don't want a relationship but at the same time I want it - nothing serious, but some sort of relationship...
Anyway. My ex-boyfriend called me at around 2 from Shangai - he's there for work. And we started a really weird conversation. I explained him why I broke up with him, all the things I never told him about our relationship, how I couldn't stand his jealousy anymore, that I didn't like how he was when it came around sex, etc. etc. I'm worried for him, we broke up 3 weeks ago and he's still thinking about it and crying on himself... I know that for me it's easier because I am here, with lots of new people to meet, uni and everything, but come on! He has to get over it. The bad thing about the whole situation is that I know that in reality he thinks I did the wrong thing, that we could work it out (we couldn't work it out in 3+ years...) in some way, that I never loved him and I didn't tell him the truth when we were together. He can be so stupid. How could he pretend I would be happy with someone who asked me at 16 if I would marry him in the future? Who told me he would give up a really good career to come to London and live with me? I didn't want that. I never wanted that. I am 18, I need freedom, I need to have my experiences, I need to be myself and have fun.
It became REALLY strange when we started (I don't know how) talking about sex... In the end I told him I had sex with someone else since we broke up (actually, with 2 guys ^^;;) and I felt so bad... But I found out he almost had sex with someone too but couldn't do it in the end because he was doing comparisons with me... I feel awful!!! I don't know it's so strange... AAAAAAAAAAAAAH I'm going mad... I need someone to talk to...

Wow. Last night was really nice.
We went to King's College Union which was quite good (better than the SOAS bar anyway!!!). We had a few drinks (I had a Smirnoff Ice and a Jack Daniels and coke), and really cool conversations... I had this really girly conversation with Sophie, she's really an intelligent girl... Like her!!!
We were there with a bunch of Freddie's friends... Dave (who is doing math - we talked 20 minutes about how cool London is), his brother (really quiet), Chris (he lives in Liverpool - he's Freddie's friend from boarding school - yeah I have posh flatmates -> one went to a boarding school and the other one to an international school, which is even more expensive than a boarding school, as I heard) and TOM (there are 2 Toms, this one speaks italian and is really cute... The other one is south african)...
I was still really stoned i must say!!! When the bar closed we first tried to go to the KCU club but it was 4 pounds (hey we're students! We are broke!!!)... Than we tried the After Skool party (LSE's club/pub) but it was 6 pounds... In the end we came back to halls and had some more joints...
We were in Freddie's room. All these guys were SO FUNNY I was laughing all the time... I had a session of tickling with Tom and I even threw a glass of water on him, I don't really know why!!!
James wasn't there he was at the Mayfair for Justin Timberlake's party (how cool is that? He met Christina Aguilera... My brother was there too!!!). He then came back at around 3 but went directly to bed.
I stayed with the others (Sophie in the meantime was gone to bed) until like 4, we watched stupid stuff on television (program for deaf children and Queen's concert)... Then I went out in the courtyard with Tom - we had both a bad headache and needed fresh air!!!
It was FREEZING... I even put my winter coat on and I was still cold - Tom had like 5 tshirts on him + a jumper... We were so cold we started holding hands and hugging to get warm... It was really sweet, and we were talking about the most stupid things, about Italy mostly (he stayed 3 years in Rome or something like that)... I feel really comfortable with him, he's as crazy as me!!! And he has cool jeans... Anyway at 6 or something like that we got back because I couldn't feel my feet anymore (I had flip flops on! I know I am stupid... ^_^). Everybody in Freddie's room was sleeping and it was also pretty full so we decided Tom would sleep in my room... Then he started doing a massage on me... I LOVE MASSAGES and I really needed it as my ex-boyfriend used to do a massage on me almost everyday when we were together, and I've gotten really stiff without them. It was a damn cool massage but at a certain point Tom was rubbing my shoulders and his hands "slipped"... Before doing it he said something I'll remember forever - I don't know why but I can still hear it in my head: "That's quite tempting"... I was waiting for that the whole night I must say - I think I have a little crush on him! :)
Ok, you can imagine what happened next - I am rather happy because it was really sweet and funny at the same time, because we are just so crazy! I found out that touching Tom's ears REALLY turns him on... And he was really worried and didn't want to do it in the beginning, because it's only the second time we meet... I think that was the sweetest thing ever. I've never met a guy like that... Then we slept until 12 and he had to go - him and Chris wanted to go to Canterbury where their school is to meet some friends... I hope to see Tom soon - he is SO CUTE... And it's good to see someone like that because it's a good way to get rid of damn James in my head...
Ok, I know I shouldn't talk about such private things in here, but I can't help myself!!! I feel really strange as I was with my ex-boyfriend for more than 3 years, and when we got together I was 14... So I had all my first experiences with him... And then we broke up know and... I've already been with 2 guys, and well, it feels weird. Different and kinda embarassing... But it's ok, I'm starting to get used to it!!! XD
Wow. I babbled a lot. I should stop and go study a bit for my tutorial tomorrow... Bye!

Now I'm even more stoned. And I'm wearing a stupid hat (don't ask).

I am STONED. Just had 2 joints with Freddie, Sophie, Kirsty, etc. etc. I saw James girlfriend. She's cute. I envy her... *sigh*
I have a really bad headache. I got home at 4 and woke up at 13... I am SO tired...
Ok, going now. I have to get my cellphone.

Today the whole world is against me! I tried to open a bank account but I couldn't because they needed evidence of my PREVIOUS address - in France. It wouldn't be a problem normally, but I really don't know where I can find something to prove I lived in Paris before coming here - I turned 18 in august, so I don't have any utility bill... Anyway, I think I can sort it out in some way.
Tomorrow we'll have fun... We'll watch England-Slovakia first - and I hope Slovakia wins! BWAHAHAHAHAH! I think we'll drink and smoke a little bit and then we'll go to LSE bar - which sounds REALLY cool. My brother went to LSE and told me it's really nice - and he knows what he's talking about, he's a going-out-freak!!!
And... I really want to meet James girlfriend. To see what she's like... I know I am not normal!!! But I only want to see if he's losing something... Ok, it's a pretty strange way of thinking, but oh well I am myself what can I say? :)

Fuck fuck fuck!!! (sorry... ^^;;)
Can't do Politics. Maybe I can try next year. And they didn't even tell me WHY I can't do it. Because of my results (don't think so)? Because the course is full (don't think so)? Because they are COMPLETE ASSHOLES???
Anyway. I'll stick with South East Asian studies and vietnamese. I can do it I can do it. But first of all I need to sort my timetable out - for example talk to the vietnamese lecturer and get her to change the time of the course as it clashes with the development studies ones.
Now I should go the HSBC and get a bank account. My oh my...

Cazzo! He hasn't replied yet. I'm worrying.
Now I'll go back to sleep - my ex-boyfriend woke me up with a text ARGH!!!!!!

Ok, I added the link to my booklog. I love my booklog. I am proud of my booklog. I love reading so much!!!
Goodnight I really really really need to get some sleep... *yawn*

Wow. 1.15 am. Already. I didn't see it coming - it's weird!
I just watched the Matrix and then some really crazy program and then the Sopranos... And here I am. I am impressed on how I can spend time doing NOTHING and without even seeing it going by... :)
It's really strange, since I've moved here I have been having the need of writing, about what I feel, what I think, etc. It's the first time since... I don't know, junior high? I mean, I've been keeping a sort of diary, with really intimate stuff and everything. I don't think I should write that kind of things here... All my fears, all my feelings, all my reflections on who I am, why I am here and why sometimes I do such stupid mistakes...
I don't think anyone apart from me can understand the above statements... :)
Anyway, tonight I reached something really important: I understood I am happy this way. James is really a nice, sweet guy and he can be a perfect friend, and I hope he will. I now think that I don't want anything to happen between us (I know it's stupid because I don't have any chances with him, let's say that it's a kind of deep psychologic reflection...) because it would be the end of everything, and I don't want one of my first friendships here to end like that. I think that we have some sort of bound you know? I don't want to sound like a teenager-who-is-making-things-up-in-her-head but I really think we have some sort of special relationship. I'll always like him for his looks - I don't know if I already said that, but for me he's the perfect guy, blond, tall, etc. etc. but it's not really that important. Because I also like him as a person.
Last thing: Sophie, one of my friends here, told Freddie, my other flatmate, that James is a "slut" in the sense that he would pull with anyone if he was drunk. I don't think it's true. He really cares about his girlfriend, I've seen it. He loves her. This is why I think we have some sort of special bound - because of what happened the first night we met.
Now I'll stop babbling about these "teenager life is back" things and go to bed, read a little bit and get some sleep.
To remember: I have to put a link to my booklog - I'm so proud of it!!! ^_^

Watching the Matrix with James.
The damn guy from the politics dept hasn't mailed me yet. I'm starting to worry. Seriously. Help!

I'm starting to think I won't be able to change the damn thing. Went to South East Asian dept, everything is ok. Politics undergrad tutor: SCARY!!! He starts like "I don't think it's possible, it's too late (which is not true as I have until tomorrow), we accept students after checking their documentation, you can't just do it like this, blah blah blah...". He suggests I do Intro to political study as a floater -> I can't, because SEA Studies requires 2 units. In the end he told to go and see the admission officer for the department and if he thinks that my documentation is ok (and I am sure it will, as I graduated with the mark of 99/100 and scored 293/300 at the TOEFL), then he'll accept me... The only problem is, the damn guy wasn't in his office (office hours: monday and tuesday ONLY) so I wrote him an email.
SPEREM! I really really really really really want to do politics. I do. The lectures seem so interesting... And they are even more interesting for the second and third year.
I hope the guy will check his mailbox really SOON.
I need to know! Tell meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..........

Ok, I'm going to uni. Wish me good luck. If I can't get my degree change I will regret it for the rest of my life. HELP!!!

I finally finished my blog layout - nothing special but I like it, really simple. And I love the dragon plushie from Ai Yazawa's manga. AAAAAAAAAH!
Now I have to go to uni and sort my degree change out. How boring is that... And then I have to go and change my train ticket to Paris.
It's not even lunch time and I'm already tired... >_<

Why do I like him so much? Why is he so cute?
Just saw him. He's back from the Mayfair. He wasn't fucked at all, so no chance for me! Yes, that was an ironic comment...
I want him. So bad. It's not fair. Wanting something (in this case someone) so much and not being able to have it. And the worst thing about it is that I think that if he wasn't with his girlfriend, we could end up together. He must like me, a little bit...
The other night I saw his ex-girlfriend. She wasn't good looking. She didn't have a nice face or a nice body (and I'm not being jealous, it's true). At first I thought he probably wanted to be only with models or something like that, but it's not like that. I know I'd have a chance, if he wasn't with his girlfriend.
I know it's bad bad bad but I'm kinda hoping they'll break up.
No, in fact I don't know if I am really hoping that.
Maybe I like the whole situation. Loving someone you can't have. Really teenager-like kind of situation. I haven't been acting like a teenager for so long... Because I was with my boyfriend.
I think I am going mad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok, don't pay attention to what I'm writing. It's just 3-in-the-morning-I-can't-get-to-sleep-babbling.
I can't sleep because I'm worried about my change of degree. And because... I know I shouldn't say it, but I miss sex! I WANT HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM!

Ok, I'm gone. I'm more fucked up now that when I'm drunk.

Don't listen to me don't listen to me...

Now I am fucking angry. My development studies tutor just replied to my email about changing degree saying "you have to speak with the politics dept and your south east asian studies tutor"! Well, why didn't they tell me that when I went to the various faculties offices the other day? At the languages and cultures faculty office they told me to speak with someone from the social sciences faculty; at the social sciences faculty office they told me I had to speak with my development studies tutor. What the...???
I hate them! Why are they SO desorganised???? (did I spell that right??? ^^;;;) I hope I can change the damn thing. I only have until friday to do it. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!
Apart from that... I spent the afternoon with my mom's friend Anne. She bought so many stuff for me, it's crazy. I think she spent 300+ £. That's the money I have to live on in A MONTH!!! Anyway, it was really nice. I got a really cool black/silver coat and an japanese style embroidered t-shirt from Karen Millen, nice black pants and a jeans purse (perfect for club dancing!!! I know it sound stupid, but it's true: it's small but not too small, everything fits in it, and it has a long handle or whatever it's called, so I can take it with me even when I dance...), vitamins (I'm not eating too well here - I have to cook myself so... I've been eating pasta and toast with butter and jam for 3 weeks!!! I really need vitamins), and a foundation primer and tinted moisturizer from Laura Mercier... How cool is that? My mom won't be happy though... I must say that I feel bad about it, but she was so happy to buy me things I couldn't say no!!! Next thing I really need (no, not really, but I want them!) are suede boots. Seems like they're really "in"... Like them!!! ^_^
And I also saw a really nice pièce with Anne - it was called "Vincent in Brixton". Basically it was about the time Van Gogh spent in London... Really nice story and the actors were really good... I liked it a lot.
I think I will go to theatre with Anne pretty often - she lives near Winchester and comes here pretty often. And I know I shouldn't say that, but if she buys me something everytime... WOW! It will be good... XD Ok, I know I sound really materialistic girl, but when it comes to clothes and shoes and accessories and make up... YEAH BABY!
NOW I feel REALLY bad... ^^;;;
Now I should go to sleep (I know I won't) because tomorrow I have to wake up at 9 to go to the damn uni when offices open and get the damn change sorted out.
Maybe I'll blog again later.

How sad... I had to delete two of my sites. One was my personal site and the other one was a Bubblegum Crisis site. I had to do it as I broke up with my boyfriend of 3+ years and those two sites were made with his help... In fact the Bubblegum Crisis one was completely made by him. It's so strange, the idea of not being with him anymore.
We started going out when I was 14. Can you imagine that? And we stopped now that I just turned 18... He's a great guy. I'm happy we can still speak to each other, even if it's embarassing sometimes... When he makes strange comments, like "See you shouldn't have dumped me I could be useful now!" and I'm like "Huh... Yeah sure ^^;;;".
You know, I feel like I'm in a dream. Being here with a new life... COMPLETELY new life. Everything changed for me in the last 3 weeks. I think I am not even the same person as one month ago. I started enjoying things I didn't before, like going out, chilling with friends in front of the tv and laughing at stupid things, smoking, dancing in a club, drinking... I know they don't sound like incredible things, but for me they are... I'm having fun. I'm happy. Happy of where I am, of what I am doing, of who I am. And it's the first time in my life. When I was in Paris I was just sad. I had no real friends, and I spent my days in front of my computer doing NOTHING. I hated my school, my classmates and my teachers. I hated the closed-mindness of it all. And it was stupid, because I was living in a multi-racial, multi-cultural, beautiful city, but there was nothing I could do about it.
Does all this make any sense? I don't know, I am just writing all the things that pop out of my mind... >_<
To make it short, I am happy because I'm living here, with these people in this city...
LONDON ROCKS!!!

A quick note about a really exciting (huh... ^^;;) thing: Mette-Merit, the wife of the prince (or whatever he's called) of Norway, is attending my Development conditions and experience lecture!!! How cool is that? I really am in one of the best unis around town... With the best people at least. ;)

Seems like having a computer won't help my sleeping habits to get normal again...
I am a bit worried about meeting my mom's friend tomorrow as on the phone she told me something like "Let's meet at 2.30 so we can spend the afternoon together, go to king's road and see if you need something for the winter..." Now, you probably will think I am really stupid, but the idea of getting gifts like that embarasses (did I spell it ok? >_<) me. Aaaaaaaaaaaaah! It's not that I am not happy about it but... Weird!!!
I hope the damn tutor will reply to my email tomorrow - I want to change my courses! I don't care about vietnamese! I want to do politics and then next year I'll have a floater and I will do... JAPANESE! Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
Why are japanese people so strange though? I have two japanese flatmates and as James says "they are really domestic", which is normally ok but... They only have japanese friends. They live in halls of residence full of people from all over the world and they ONLY have japanese friends. Isn't that weird? And you can't really talk to them they are so shy and... I don't know! I would really like to have some japanese friends but it seems quite impossible...
Another thing that bothers me about tomorrow is that I can't go to James club (It's not his club, he's only a promoter), the Mayfair Club which is pretty nice and full of cooooool people... Last wednesday we went there and got back home the morning after at 9.30! It was really nice...
Ok I am starting to babbling too much. I should stop and go to sleep (I don't really have a good reason to go to sleep though, I have nothing to do until 2)...
It's strange... I like blogging!!! Hope that someone is reading me (don't think so)...

Lectures today sucked. No, actually one of them was pretty good, but comparative economic growth in Asia and Africa was AWFUL!!! Why do I have to attend an economics course??? I am not doing economics!! Anyway.
I think I am starting to accept that I and James will only be friends. I don't want to fuck it up anyway, he's so cool and nice... He's a good friend. A really good friend...
Apart from this... Tomorrow I'll meet with my mom's friend who lives near Southampton or something and I hopefully will get some money. Yeah, because last night I also lost the last 15 pounds I had for the rest of the week. How stupid am I???
Now I'll stop it. I might blog another little bit later. Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok. My name is Vanina. I'm 18, I'm italian but have been living in Paris for the last 7 years. Actually, I lived in Paris until 2 weeks ago. I just moved to London to attend university (SOAS, which ROCKS)... I'm doing Development studies and South East Asian studies but hopefully I'll change it to Development studies and Politics, if I can get my hands on my damn tutor... >_<
Anyway, as I was saying, I just moved in. I live in halls. And they are fucking great. I've never met so many people IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. Amazing huh? The problem is... I live in this flat with a japanese girl (nice, even though she's freaking about our kitchen), a japanese boy (didn't really got to know him), an english boy (he's thye nicest guy I've ever met...) and another english boy... He is BEAUTIFUL. The perfect guy (at least for me)... He's 20, blond, tall, CUTE, nice, sweet... When I saw him the first time I thought it was a dream. And we kissed (and even more than that) on the first night we met... So, here is the problem finally: 1. he doesn't remember anything from that night, apart from the fact that we kissed 2. he has a girlfriend, he loves her and they've been together for 5 months 3. I tried to get with him another time and it didn't work 4. I seem to attract him only when he's either drunk or fucked up or stoned 5. I love him.
Now, I know I sound like a little stupid teenager but... I AM ONE!!!! ^_^ Enough crying on myself for tonight. And I must say I am a little bit (but no more than that) drunk... I think I had 6 vodka & orange tonight? And I have two two-hours lectures tomorrow starting at 11. And I have to get up at 7.30 to wake James (that's him). But I'll go back to sleep after that.
Welcome to university life people...