January 2003 Archives

Caro blog... (*lol* non suona bene come diario eh?)
Ancora una volta, da brava ragazza internazionalizzata, posto do Parigi (con la tastiera che mi manda in crisi). Ma insomma.
Ops. I don't know why but I felt like writing in italian. Anyway, I was saying, yeah, back in Paris again. Nothing really special happened since yesterday - my train was 1 hour late, oh the hate for the eurostar. I can't stand to be sitting in a train for hours. I really can't. I can stay at home and read in my room for 3 hours but not in a train... *lol*
My parents just came back from Jordan and the pictures my mom took are gorgeous. They even brought me back a small shisha, lalala. I am a bit nervous because I can't smoke cigarettes. Looks like I am becoming addicted. Yeah, all my fault, I wanted to become addicted in some way, so I really don't care... You live just once. I am such a crazy person.
I was thinking that... I want to move in with James and Freddie and Ben next year. But I don't know if they'd want me. The problem is, I would miss watching movies with James so much, and hearing Freddie playing his guitar so much... I love my guys - and I am lucky to live with two yes TWO cute and nice and funny and sweet guys. I don't want to lose this advantage!!!! *lol*
"But I don't want to wait - for I have lost my faith - Where can I find myself an idol - Somebody that I can look to..." from Idol by Amanda Ghost
I really like this song - I think it is true that today we don't have models anymore, because this world went so crazy in the last 50 years... This world so big and scary and forcing us to be on our own, wthout guides. It might be a kind of stereotype but... Sometimes I do believe it is true.
What else? I am not so sure that I am getting over James anymore. Maybe we have a platonic love (*lol* I am joking). Sophie was quite surprised by the fact that I slept in his bed the other night. And I am surprised too. Why on earth...? But it was sweet. I wasn't used to sleep in the same bed as someone else anymore... The last time... Actually, no, what am I saying? The last time was a couple of months ago. Which is not a long time for that... But is a long time for other things. Aaaaah. I came to the conclusion with a couple of friends, that after you do it for the first time, sex becomes physiological... How true how true...
"Fa male dirselo - ora che venti avversi soffiano - sulla nostra fiaccola - si spengono - sogni in un cassetto - di un castello per noi diventato bettola - come una favola - non si modifica - versa l'ultima lacrima - prima che il vento porti via con se' l'ultima briciola - del nostro amore - dove non c'é più sole - é l'aria é gelida..."
Yep, Jana darling, looks like I am going back to my italian roots... *lol* Lunapop are so funny to listen to, and this song (Gemelli diversi) makes me cry... I'll reply to your email very soon... And... Be well... I'll write you about it in the email. :****
Last thing: don't you hate those girls who only talk to guys?

It's snowing! Snowing! Snowing! I don't think there is anything in the world more beautiful than snow falling from the sky.

Soooo... In the end, I finished my essay (which is CRAP, but oh well - and I don't really care as it seems that the more I work on them the lower the mark will be) and went out (with James, Freddie, the other Tom, James' friends, bla bla bla). We ate in a really nice italian restaurant, 2 courses and 1 glass of champagne (fuck, I don't like champagne!!! ^^;;;) for 15 £, and then went to the Mayfair Club and it wasn't bad. Not enourmously fun, but fun enough.
And then we came back at 4 and started watching Dirty Dancing and... *blush* I slept in James' bed. No, nothing happened. It was just sweet. And I think that I am kind of getting over it. *^^*
Oh, and Freddie managed to pull and have sex with the ugliest girl in the club. Yay Freddie, go go go! Actually, in some way, it's understandable, he just broke up with his girlfriend, but for fuck's sake (ops, lots of bad words today)! You can do better than that... *lol*
My train for Paris is at 9.20. I don't want to stay there for 4 days!!! Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...

listening to: Lose yourself by Eminem coming from Freddie's room
Essay writing essay writing essay writing...
[edit] listening to: Treasure by The Cure
What a song. So sad and beautiful. [/edit]

Mmh... Camomile with a loooooooooot of sugar. *yummy*

Non ti incammellare nonno!
*lol* It's the first time I hear this song in at least a couple of years... *lol*lol*lol*

(I made mp3s out of all my cds - The Cure rule!)
Today, walking back from uni, I realized something that made so happy, and I want to know if it ever happened to someone else too... I was walking on this little street with big trees, quite satisfied with myself as I had just spent 2 hours in the library studying for my essay, which is even interesting (I have to analyze some characteristics of two South East Asian languages - I chose Vietnamese and Bahasa Indonesia), and then, suddendly, this really strong wind started blowing. I couldn't almost move but then I succeeded in walking against the wind and... I was so happy. Happy that I have the strenght to walk against the wind. Happy that I have the strenght to walk. Happy that I have the strenght to live. Life is a beautiful thing.
And right now I feel pretty, which is always a really nice feeling (doesn't happen that often though ;__;).

listening to: Enrique Iglesias - Escape
Another day is gone, like that, and I don't understand why, and I don't understand what I am doing... Everything seems so complicated and I feel not adequate at all. I feel like I am doing everything wrong, but at the same time I know I am not that wrong, I have to have fun... And then, as soon as I convince myself of this, everything seems so messed up again, school and love and my life in general... And I try to convince myself that if I find someone who loves me then everything is going to be better, but is it going to be better for real?
See, I feel confused and I can't stop thinking, I am always somewhere else trying to understand how I can be happy but not enjoying what I have right, and without understanding that even a mistake is not that bad...
I was trying to tell James that I am depressed, in some way, by something, but I couldn't because I don't know what the cause of all this is - maybe I just cannot be happy, because of myself. Who knows?
And then tomorrow I have to wake up at 7 because of my stupid brother - and he calls me only when he needs me for something! Fuck, it's the first time in 8 years we live in the same city and in the last 4 months we have seen each other just 4 times (including christmas), and now he calls me for a favour??? It pisses me off, like everything else right now.
"Mi sento bene solo se - mi faccio male - e il bene in fondo che cos'e' - ognuno ne ha per se'..."

Nothing to say, really. I feel kind of depressed kind of tired and kind of lonely. And I want someone to hug me, a lot, and right now it would feel really good if it was... Well, you can guess who. And I might even be feeling like crying. Without any apparent reason, but oh well, that's me.

I am getting stoned again and I am watching Cruel Intentions - best movie ever!!! And Ryan Philippe... And the kiss between Sarah Michelle Gellar and Selma Blair... Whoa. Best best best movie ever (along with Dirty Dancing).

Shock. Agnelli died yesterday. Forse finalmente l'Italia cambiera'? Speriamo...
Friday Five 1. What is one thing you don't like about your body? My feet - they are way too big and ugly (don't even get me started into this).
2. What are two things you love about your body? My eyes, because they are big and blue, and my hands, because I have thin fingers with nice long (natural) nails.
3. What are three things you want to change about your home? Well, I don't really have a home right now, I live in halls of residence... :)
4. What are four books you want to read this year? I want to finish the Lord of the Rings, than I want to read War and Peace (I promised to my mom that I would read it someday when I was, like, 10), Genji Monogatari (The tale of Genji)... And then I don't know... I don't really plan my readings a lot, I just read what comes along and inspires me. ^^
5. What are five promises you have kept to yourself? Well... I have at least a couple... Like losing weight and study more. But I can't really rely on myself for these... *lol* I don't like to make promises to myself, because I know that like that I won't do the things I have to.

The dustbin in my room is the perfect example of consumerism. 1 empty can of coke, 1 empty pack of marlboro menthol, 1 empty pack of candies, 1 empty bottle of deodorant, 1 piece of paper from a muffin and lots of plastic. I should take a picture of it.

Aaaaah. As usual, a really good night. I met some nice people, especially Sophie's sister and her boyfriend and another friend of hers. Lovely lovely lovely people. Can you imagine, Sophie's sister is 16 years old and she's already engaged with this guy, and I swear, they are the cutest and sweetest couple ever.
I got back at 5 this morning and did the nicest thing ever: before going to bed me and Sophie went for a little walk around here (Islington is just up the road and it's a really nice area with beautiful houses and so on)... It was stunning, so quiet and beautiful, with that cold fresh air you get only in the morning... I was so happy.
I might go and see 8 mile later on, with James. I really want to see it! As I said before... Eminem is hot! XD
Mmh... I am happy, tired but so happy. My oh my.

I... I... I can't believe it. I am.... Everytime I go out I spend at least one hour finding the right clothes, putting make up on and looking at myself in the mirror. Finally... I am a real girl. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!

Jana, I don't know yet - my summer is still pretty much desorganized etc. etc. I want to do so many things and three months seem like such a short time! *sigh* You know I might go and work for an italian NGO in Afghanistan? Not sure though. A friend of my mom told me about it - she's the president of the NGO, so I could get a job from her... Aaaaaaah I really have to start thinking about the summer, what I want to do, where I want to go... And then my mom knows some guy in Syria and wants me to go there... Too much! *lol*
Katy, io cito sempre i miei commentatori, insomma! Anche perche' essendo pochi (ma buoni)... *lol* Bridget Jones, mi hai fatto venire voglia di rivederlo! XD Cmq, certo che King's Cross e' anche una fermata del metro'. Brutta come tutte le altre! *argh* I hate the tube so much!!! >_< Using Paris' tube spoiled me so much. *lol* Katy, mi sembra di capire che sei un'esperta di Londra... Vieni a trovarmiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii XD
Lu-chan, let's do the Mokona thingy! NOW! I'll start a layout immediatly! I always wanted to do a fanlisting... Ooooh but we have to choose a name... Aaaaah, I am so bad at names >__< Anyway. Per il voto-bloggo-coso, non so neanche perche' l'ho messo ^^;;; Un momento di follia! ^^
I woke up at 1, again... Aaaah. It's never gonna stop. But tonight I am going out, oleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee XD
[edit] Thank you Lod and Helvete for commenting ^^ [/edit]

I did it again. Actually, even worse: this time it's 4.40. But I just watched Notting Hill cuddling with him and it was so sweet... Aaaaah. Katy, i commenti te li faccio domani che adesso sono troppo rimbambita. Goodnight everybody!

This is so cool. *lol* I joined, you can find me under King's Cross St. Pancras (yes, I do live live near Harry Potter's platform 9 and 3/4).

Baaaah. Today was such an useless day. I missed another vietnamese lecture, because I woke up at 1 (!!!). Went to the Cultural foundations of South East Asia one which was on Buddhism... It was boooooooooooooooring but interesting, in some way. And then I spent the rest of the day doing nothing. Hopefully the week-end is going to put me back in track. I'm going to Fabric tomorrow night, yahooooo!!!
I still obsess about James. Ah ah ah. Not good not good. Today Dulcie was in my kitchen (using my new microwave, or better, the flat's new microwave) and James was going to some meeting, and he said bye to both of us and kissed me on the head. And she was saying that that is such a sweet thing... I have to agree!!! She said that we act like a married couple. *lol* I never thought I would know a huy like him. It is such a special thing. And I know he will always have a place in my heart. Forever... Oooooh I'm turning way too girlish and romantic... :)
Lu-chan, cos'e' la sorpresa? *curios curios* Hai ragione, sono la ragazza piu' curiosa di questo mondo!!! XD
Katy.chan, figurati i sogni che mi faccio io con James!!! A parte che anche lui... *lol* Last night he dreamt that he cheated on his girlfriend with me. *lol*

Once again. I'm really getting into the bad habit of going to bed at 4. And I think I just missed James coming back from the club. It would have been nice to see him. I know, I am obsessing about him so much... I need a boyfrieeeeeeeeeeeend.

Bwaaaaah. I am trying to work on this really cute layout with Hachi for wall-mart but it's turning out like crap. Lalala. And I have to learn to use iframes. Lalala. And I feel sick but going out all the same. Lalala. But Kunal is buying me a drink. Lalala. Oh, and now I'll write a mail to that girl I met in the club. Lalala. And I could even reply to the other emails that are sitting into my yahoo mailbox. Lalala.
If you look underneath you'll discover... You just don't know me!

A special hello to Rie, Liesa and Rie's boyfriend. Isn't it weird, your flatmate finding out about your blog? :)
Aaaaah. I feel sick. I bet that one of those huge headaches that I have from time to time is coming. And my stomach feels funny. ;__;

Aaaaah I can't believe I went to bed at 3 again. And I woke up at 2 in the afternoon AGAIN. Baaaaaka Vani-chan.
Oh, Lu-chan: da Heathrow puoi prendere il trenino (circa 22 £) per Paddington e poi un treno vero e proprio. Oppure il metro' (Piccadilly line). Oppure un pullman. Per arrivare in quel posto dove devi andare tu pero' non so... Immagino che te lo diranno quelli che organizzano questa tua cosa - di solito gli inglesi sono molto precisi in queste cose. ^^

Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Tom. He was here. For 5 minutes. And I didn't even dare to look at him. Our eyes met just once and I saw only disapproval. I couldn't say anything. I couldn't. It's not fair. It's not fair.

It's fucking POURING rain outside GAAAAAAAAAAAH >_<

Yayyyyyyyy! Dean gave me 10 packs of marlboro lights that he bought in Honk Kong. No problem of cigarettes for a loooooooooog time. *^^* And him and Dulcie are definitely together - how sweet, I was the one who made them meet. The problem now is... WHAT ABOUT ME??? I want a boyfriend. *sniff*
Anyway. I didn't do anything today, just my laundry and well... I didn't go to any class. I didn't reply to any email. I didn't do anything for my sites. I just chilled. I needed it.

listening to: The Cure - Strange Attraction
This is my favourite song of all times, so it deserves a little post (and it also deserves to be downloaded). I remember that I was 15 and my (now ex) boyfriend gave me this cd he didn't listen to: Wild Mood Swings by The Cure. I fell in love. In that one week end that I spent with my parents (it was I think march or april, and we were visiting these friends of my parents that had this gorgeous house in the north of France, on the sea), with the fresh breeze on my face, I learnt and traduced all the lyrics of the songs of that album, and Strange Attraction... Well, this song is, for me, the truth... I don't even know how to explain. Everytime I hear it my heart beats faster and faster.
Lost in admiration... I am forever yours...
Please try to understand, I have to see you, I have to feel you, tell you all the ways I need you...
A christmas card in sepia...
A nervous smile, I couldn't take my eyes from her, she whispers "Can I use some of your lipstick?" I couldn't help but feel that it was real...
It seems reality destroys our dreams, I won't forget you.
Happy birthday to my mum. Hope she is going to call me today. My parents are in Jordan and I am a bit scared.

Today (or, better, yesterday) started and went on as the worst day of my life and ended up soooooo nicely. I think I had still some problems of recovery from saturday night and I was just generally pissed off. Then I went to the University of London Drama Society (basically, the society was created by Ambar and Kirsty and an awful lot of other friends of mine are involved) Auditions which just WENT WRONG. Everybody was pissed at each other, certain people acted like 12 years old, other people cried and just about everybody yelled and screamed. I swear it was the worst evening I've ever had here in London. In the end we came back to Dinwiddy (I want to know why my halls of residence are called Dinwiddy, who the fuck is Dinwiddy???) and went to Nadir's flat (he is Kunal's friend who is Kirsty's friend) and had this really nice shisha and danced and chatted and in the end I was quite happy and felt really nice. But the rest of the day, oh men, it sucked. Hope tomorrow is going to be better.
Jana darling, I'll email you back tomorrow, I promise. Tomorrow I'll have a lot of time as I decided not to go to my lectures, I had way too much stress today and I just want to chill out (ok, I know that I am already lucky to just have 10 hours of lectures per week, but I really can't be bothered to go).
I haven't seen James today. I miss him. He's such a nice guy to be around (apart from the fact that he is HOT). But I saw Freddie and it was nice, with Kunal and Nadir we had such a funny time (laughing about all the screaming and crying, etc etc).
What else? Well, I should have been in bed for a couple of hours, but I woke up at 1.30 this morning and I really am not tired at all. And... I have to find a nice guy to love me! Muaaaaaaaaah.
Last thing: I'll post this here too. Can you please send me nice postcards to put on my wall? My address is Vanina W. / GBD1 Dinwiddy House / 189-205 Pentonville road / N1 9NF London / UK! Please please please? I beg you? *^^*

I currently listen only to this song, Lose yourself by Eminem and Say anything by Good Charlotte, I'm obsessed with these three songs.
Last night was so nice. I almost didn't dance (maybe half an hour in the whole night which is not a lot counting that I was in the club from 10.30 to 5) but spent a lot of time chatting to random people. Oh, and I invited this really cute irish girl who is obsessed with Italy over to my parents' house in Tuscany. And she invited me back to Ireland. And then the cute american bloke, oh that was nice. But I don't think I'll call him back... I mean, he wasn't that interesting, and I want to keep the nice memory of that kiss that made the world fade away. The club was just fantastic, it's called The Cross and has this really cool little garden with couches where you can chill out when you're tired.
Oh. And yesterday I managed to go into the men's toilets TWICE. Once in the pub and once in the club. Oh yeah I was embarassed. *lol* I still can't get over it!
What else can I say? I went to the rent strike meeting this afternoon, oh my God it was boring, full of annoying people, but oh well. I am not striking this term but I'll do it next term. I mean, would you believe that there people in these halls that get cockroaches out of the shower? And people whose heating never worked? This place is terrible, I swear. Not that the other halls of residence in London are much better (actually they're much worse), but for fuck sake! I pay 90 £ A WEEK. Yep. That is, 360 £ (540 €) a month. Why is the most wonderful city in the world so expensive???
Anyway. I just went out to dinner with Sophie and Kirsty and Kunal (he got sooooooooo drunk last night and I really don't understand how he could be still alive and not passing out the whole time - he had 6 shots of vodka, 1 of absynthe, 9 or more after shocks and 6 redbulls... *lol*) and spent another 8 £. I have like 150 £ left until the 30th of January, sooooo *counting* 11 days. Oh, actually it's better that what I thought. And I only have one weekend left. Mmh... Really, I don't understand how normal people with a family can pay for the rent, the car, the school for the kids, the food, the travelcard... And I mean, they don't earn that much more than people in France, for example, and France is so much cheaper.
I am quite excited - we found this abandoned building up the road where they regularly do illegal rave parties. We have to go so much! Just to go to a real rave. And then, it's just 3 £ to get in and I guess you can bring your own drinks and *ehm* drugs.
I have to say, I missed going to clubs and stuff like that. It's soooooo nice and people here in London are so friendly when they go clubbing. I love this city so much.

Not a good idea to start blogging at 5 in the morning when you just came back from the club, no no (not to say that it's even less a good idea if you're severely fucked up in the head - ops, my secret is revealed). Had SOOOOOOOOOO much fun last night. And now I have to decide whether I want to call back the cute american guy (his name is Leo actually). He was nice, not really talkative, but nice, and he was such a good kisser. I swear the rest of the world disappeared when he kissed me, you now that kind of kisses when the guy is looking only at you and you are looking only at him and he is caressing your face in a way that makes you feel so special.
Oh, in reality and I kissed five people last night. Included my two best (female) friends. Eheheh. XD But he was by far the best one, oh yeah.

Still going up up up when I should be coming down down down. AAAAAAAH the computer moves. I met a really cute american guy. Should I call back tomorrow or not? I don't know don't don't and I'm sooooooooo up!!!

Ok, sono vestita e truccata da super-mega-fikona-non-ce-n'e'-uno-che-mi-possa-resistere. Speriamo che funzioni e riesca a rimorchiare! *lol*

I love MSN! It's such a nice program (and the only one that works with the damn firewall). Please add me to your list on MSN! My email address is vanina_minako@yahoo.com!!! *^^*

I planned to study vietnamese and ended up having shisha (is that how you spell it?). Yay for me!

I am pissed off. I lost the card to get into my halls. And tomorrow is saturday, so I'll have to wait until monday to get a new one. Fuck fuck fuck >_<

1. Where do you currently work? I don't! I am at uni. But I'll find a job, sometimes soon.
2. How many other jobs have you had and where? None! I have never worked in my life. Well, apart from babysitting when I was 15/16, back in Paris.
3. What do you like best about your job? Duh.
4. What do you like least about your job? Duh again.
5. What is your dream job? To work for a NGO somewhere in Africa or Asia, and to actually help people for real.

After being pissed off for the most stupid thing, I suddendly realized how lucky I am to have my friends. And how much do Freddie and James count for me. I think that, even if Sophie is the person I talk to the most, Freddie and James are the two people I love the most. They make me so happy just by being there and even if we are three completely different people we can be together and talk for hours.
Guys, I love you. So much, and I am so happy that you like me and I hope that our friendships will never end. Never ever.

I should be studying vietnamese. I should be replying to emails. I should be doing something USEFUL. I am not. I am procrastinating. And it's even boring.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!

I spent 2 hours talking on the phone with Alli - and it was so nice (also because it made me stop thinking about my dad), to talk about our experiences (we have similar stories, much older boyfriend, first serious boyfriend for a long term relationship not counting first boyfriend we had sex with etc etc) and we feel exactly in the same way about a lot of things. That love is not as istinctive as we think but it has to be also rational; that it is not right for us, at 18, to feel so empty without a boyfriend; that love that lasts for a lifetime probably doesn't exist because relationships cannot be based solely on love, they need sacrifices and similar interests and views of life, not counting physical attraction; and so on. It was quite interesting.
I want one of Nan Goldin's books. Badly.

My mother and me came to the conclusion that my father is clinically depressed. And I am so sorry for him, and feel so bad about it - me going away for uni has something to do with the whole thing. And I know he will never want to see someone. What am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to do something? Is there really anything I can do? Fuck... Now I really want to cry.

I feel like crying, and this song doesn't help... I am just... Melancholic, and even if that time is gone - high school and exams - gone forever, I am sad because I lost so many things, so much happines, I didn't get it by mistake, or just because of misfortune... "Ma questa notte, ancora nostra..."
Time goes lost, and you never get it back. And it's such a sad thing.

I am actually obsessed with this song. It's such a good song. And Eminem is HOT.
It's 3 o'clock in the morning and I am not tired. And I smoked way too much weed, which is bad because it makes me pissed off and freaky about lots of stuff (maybe this is "the fear" they talk about?). And I like James so much, it's just not right, and it embarasses me and I try to be normal and end up being weird... I really should stop doing this. I really should stop thinking about that. I have to forget about this whole thing, it is not right. I really have to stop. I think it must be that I saw him again, and again I have the impression that we have some sort of "special" relationship, and I don't know if it's real or I am just imagining it, and it's such a bad thing because it makes me dream endlessy.
Anyway. Cat, Faramir non ce lo possiamo dividere? Una settimana io una tu... Please? XD
Lu-chan, io a Luglio non saro' a Londra, visto che il mio contratto per le Halls finisce in Giugno e dopo non tornero' prima di Settembre, quando dovro' cercarmi un appartamento... Pero' se vieni prima sono dispostissima a farti da guida! ;)

Some of the most interesting search engine queries for this blog:
- sexy texts to send my girlfriend
- +anime +layout +blog +beautiful +nice +pretty +compliments (WHAT was he looking for, exactly???)
- Stoned drunk girls link
- ricchi e poveri fan site and ricchi e poveri fan club (*sigh*)
- wet tshirt parte
- picture of two girls kissing in Tatu
- Avril lavigne stockings
And then I have all sort of queries for The Sims skins (Tatu, Ewan McGregor, Legally blonde, Avril Lavigne, etc. etc.)
Duh.

James... *drools*
(he's back *drools*)

I've seen The Two Towers. BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL movie. The computer stuff was done in such a good way I was almost shocked (Gollum, and all the battles and stuff). And... Legolas is hot, Aragorn is hot, and Faramir is hot. I want to marry all of them. Please?

...And I've also got a proper hangover. Gaaaaaaaah =____=
[edit] Misatuccia cara, i numeri di Zipper e Cookie sono entrambi di Febbraio. Uffi, non ho capito nulla delle storie. ;__; E non ho neanche lo scanner qui!!! [/edit]

I got drunk on vodka & lemonade and vodka & orange with Sophie, Ambar and Kunal; I laughed so much I was crying; I got a calendar from the chinese take-away up the street and laughed some more until I was so tired I just wanted to go to bed. And here I am, tired and happy to have my friends, and going to bed. And thinking that life is wonderful and that it couldn't be much better than this.

Back! BACK! Nobody is in though. Apart from Rie who bought me 1 issue of Zipper, 1 of Cookie and the artbook of Tenshi Nanka Ja Nai. I AM SO HAPPY! *^^*
[edit] And I found two postcards with Nana and onw sticker with Hachi! Expect a layout with one of the postcards as soon as I can scan them!!! *^^* [/edit]

Going back! GOING BACK! And this afternoon, unpack my suitcases (two gigantic suitcases, and I don't understand why, it's ridiculous), meet my friends again, maybe answer a couple of emails and then... Out! Yaaaaaaay *^^* My favourite routine which is not a routine at all.

This is one of the reasons why I love London so much: in every occasion, it's just plain beautiful. ^^

1. Where are you right now? In my room in Paris (whoa, I have two rooms, one in London and one in Paris, how cool is that?), sitting at a design chair my parents bought me some years ago and using my nice old desktop computer... :)
2. What time is it? It's exactly 8.41 here in Paris. 7.41 in my other home, in London...
3. What are you wearing? Old baggy jeans, white socks, a white levi's tshirt, my oldest jumper, a blue cashmere one (I think it's the thing I wore the most in my life).
4. Any people or animals around you? Describe them. My parents going around the house. My mom's name is Vanna (I don't call her "mom" but Vanna), she's almost 58, a bit shorter than me and thin, with brown hair and blue eyes. She an interpreter and has just come back from Brussels. My dad's name is Andreas (but I call him "Pandi"), he's 57 (yeah, younger than my mum ^^), 1.80 m, with white hair and blue eyes too. He teaches ancient greek history at uni. And I like to think that the ghost of our dog (she was a cavalier king charles named Blanche, she died last year at 12 years) is going around the flat too. ^^
5. What are your plans for the weekend? Party party with my friends in London because I haven't seen them in one month, and get possibly drunk and stoned and then... Maybe... Laid? No no no, no guys no guys no guys >_< Anyway. Have fun fun fun. ^^
And, something new: the mayfly project, sum up your 2002 in twenty words.
After deception, an old love ended but a new life began, so many friends pubs clubs drugs alchool FUN...

I have a crush on Eminem. He is FIT (a jerk, yeah, but a hot one). *drools*
Lucky you, steffi, I just came back from Italy and didn't get to see sooooooo many people. But I prefer to come back to London anyway, and go out and have fun fun fun :) Can I ask you one thing: what did you study at uni? And at which uni? I'm such a curious little girl. Oh, and it seems like all the italian girls/Jameses relationship are a bit... Weird. *lol* ^^

Ok. It wasn't Guillaume Canet. His name is Clément Sibony and he's all the same veeeeeeery cute. *lol* He played in a french kind of version of american teen horror movies, "Promenons-nous dans les bois"...

OH. MY. GOD. Ok. I was in this restaurant. This REALLY cute guy sits at the table next to me. I look at him and think "He really looks like that french actor... I can't remember..." Then a friend of his comes in and he's a film director. I start to think that maybe HE IS the actor. And then I come home and find out that he strangely looks like... THE FRENCH GUY WHO PLAYED IN THE BEACH! I am so sure it was him!!! Guillaume Canet. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH HE WAS SOOOOOOOOO CUTE! >_< I can't believe it. It's the first time in my life I meet a celebrity. Ah ah ah. And a HOT CELEBRITY. Ah ah ah... *drools*

Miwako-chan, i matrimoni virtuali vanno bene ;) *lol*
I had to go to the Prefecture de Police to get some document (something like a green card) and it wasn't there yet. It will be there on monday. But on monday I AM NOT GOING TO BE HERE! *grrr* But I got some pictures I took back in London that cheered me up because they are so.... *lol* Like Freddie with his guitar and a Santa Claus hat, Kirsty with a reaaaaaally long joint, Ambar with the two guys from the theatre society, me and Dulcie on the last night of term... I already have so many memories of London and uni, in just three months... *^^*
I've been listening to the new David Gray album. Beautiful beautiful beautiful. Even better than the last one.

Another survey. Yay!
Name: Vanina
Birthdate: 16 August 1984
Height: 1.68 m
Hair colour: It has been blonde for more than 6 months now, but I'd like to change pretty soon.
Eye colour: Blue, very blue.
How many siblings do you have: One older brother.
Where do you live: Between Paris and London.
Love Life
Do you plan on having children: I'd like too, but not before I am 30.
Do you want to get married: Nope, marriage doesn't make any sense to me.
What would you name a boy: Ethan
What would you name a girl: Claire or Charlotte
Favourites
Quote: I'd like to have one, but I can't even remember my phone number in London, so there's no chance.
Movie: Donnie Darko
Music: Everything, pop, rock, r'n'b, classic, rap, house, drum'n bass, etc etc.
Song: It changes every week, right now I'd say... Addictive by Truth Hurts, because I feel like dancing dancing dancing.
Band: The Cure.
Artist: I really really really don't know. Pollock or Botticelli or....
TV Show: ER
Actor: Johnny Depp
Actress: Julia Stiles
Athlete: David Beckham
Book: I am loving The corrections by Frenzen.
Food: Italian food, all sorts of italian food. ;___;
Drink: Cherry coke or vodka & lemonade.
Number: 17
Cartoon Character: Mmh... Mmh... Kotobuki Ran from Gals!
Colour: Black and blue.
Time Of The Day: Night
Day Of The Week: Saturday
Season: Beginning of fall.
Moment: Mmh... Everytime I get off the train in London!
Have/Do/Would You Ever?
Get a piercing other than your ears: Yep, I have to get my nose pierced again.
Get a tattoo: I'll get a lotus flower on the back of my right shoulder!
Flash someone: Dunno
Go one week without showering: *argh* No way!!!
Kiss & Tell: Mmh... What does that mean?? ^^;
Do pot: Once in a while
Any harder drugs: I tried two of them.
Lied to your parents: SO MUCH!
Cheated on a boy/girlfriend: Yes, and it wasn't a good idea... Once. The other time maybe yes, it was a good idea. But it wasn't "serious" cheating, only kissing ^^
Meet someone off the Internet: A lot of people, I'd say at least 10 or 15 people.
Eat raw meat: No, it's disgusting!
Steal your best friend's boy/girlfriend: Not really.
Do You Believe In...?
Ghosts: I'd like to, but I can't, I am too rational.
Angels: No.
Souls: Again, I'd like to.
God: No.
Religion: No.
Santa Claus: We don't even have Santa Claus (as in my family). In my family it's baby Jesus (how do you call him???) who brings presents at Christmas.
Odd...
What is your greatest fear: That nobody loves me.
What is your greatest accomplishment: Mmh... Doing good in uni, even if I had to change language and everything.
What is your goal in life: To travel as much as possible.
What do you believe in: Mmh... Probably only myself.
What do you want to be when you grow up: I don't know, someone who helps people?
Are you afraid of death: Yes, terribly.
Are you truly happy: That's a hard question. Happy yes, sometimes, I don't know if I am TRULY happy.
If you could meet anyone in the world (dead or alive), who would it be & why: Lucrezia Borgia, because I'd like to see how was a woman like her, wat she felt, etc.
If you could sleep with any five people in the world, who would they be: Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Matt Damon, Josh Hartnett, Ewan McGregor and Johnny Depp

Voilà! I am very proud of this layout. Everything is perfect, and this is why I am going to get tired of it in one week... *sigh* ^^

I coudn't wait until saturday, soooo.... I will start to upload the new layout in a few minutes! Yay! *^^*

Soudainement j'ai eu envie d'écrire en français, car je sens que je suis en train de perdre cette langue et au même temps je suis triste... Parce que, tout au fond de moi, Paris me manque, cette maison me manque, cette maison dans laquelle j'ai vecu toutes ces choses, mon prèmier (ou deuxième?) amour, être une adolescente, les pleurs et le rires, tant de lectures, de musique, de tristesse, de depression mais aussi j'ai été si heureuse ici, c'est bizarre. Et il y a pas de question sur ça, ma vie à Londre est dix mille fois meilleure que ma vie ici, mais j'ai laissé une partie de mon coeur ici.
And when I'll graduate it's going to be so difficult to decide where I want to live - too many countries in my heart, too many loves. I live to travel. And the purpose of my life will be this: travel, all over the world, see as much as I can...

È iniziato tutto per un tuo capriccio...
A stupid quote from a stupid song, but I love it.
I am working on a new layout - with Nana and Hachi again. I will upload it on saturday (it's on my laptop)... When I'll be back in London! I am so happy, I'll see everybody, Sophie, James, Dulcie, Freddie, Kirsty, Ambar and so on... I swear it's the first time in my life that I have so many friends, friends as people I can talk to about everything, and it's so nice. It was a nice holiday - but, one month! It seems long now. It was nice but long... The real problem right now is that I haven't studied. At all. I can't even remember the numbers in vietnamese. And I spent too many years in this room NOT studying to start now. But I'll do it, tonight. =__=
I AM WHAT I AM AND I AM HAPPY TO BE ALIVE!!!

Clubbing clubbing clubbing... I need to go clubbing. Badly. I can't wait for saturday to come. I need to dance dance dance. i never thought I would really like it, and now I need it so bad! *lol* London, I'll be back very soon and I'M GOING TO ROCK YOU! This term is going to be sooooooooo good... ^^

Freezing cold here in Paris. -2°C. I went out with my mom and thought I was going to die. And bought another top. I have too many. I am a slave to consumism (is it the right word? I can't be bothered to check on the dictionary - actually, I don't even HAVE a dictionary here) and cannot stop myself.
A depressing day. Such a depressing day. And I don't know why. The only positive note is that I checked my english sim card and I had a message from Ambar asking if I was in London. People are actually MISSING ME??? I cannot believe it. *^^*

(just back from the airport, I am in Paris again!!!)
1. Do you wear any jewelry? What kind? Yep, bracelets, necklaces, rings and earrings, only silver ones (I don't really like gold, it's... Too much). Most of them are indians: my aunt produces and buys them in India. ^^
2. How often do you wear it? Necklaces everyday (my beloved silver snake), earrings almost everyday, bracelets and rings sometimes.
3. Do you have any piercings? If so, where? I have my ear pierced, twice in the lobes and once in the cartilage in the upper part of my right ear. I want to get my nose pierced again very soon.
4. Do you have any tattoos? If so, where? No, but I already planned one, a lotus flower, with pink petals and green leaves, on the back of my right shoulder.
5. What are your plans for the weekend? The week-end is already gone! I went to the Rivoli castle with my aunt and saw pictures by Nan Goldin that were gorgeous, and then... Not much, stayed home (my aunt's home in Turin) and chilled out and ate and slept too much. ^^
Happy to be back here but sad to be gone from Italy again. Once again. Well, I'm used to it, but I have to say it was so nice, first with my parents in the country (apart from New Year's eve, argh) and then with my aunt in Turin. I swear she's the best aunt in the world, so hippy and funny. *lol*

I decided I am not going to Venice. It's too much in just 4 days. I feel really bad for Jana, I feel like shit actually, but it's really too much. I want to organize something in the right way for my spring holidays, in a nicer way, so that I can spend at least a couple of days in Croatia.
Buaaaaah.

I decided vanichan it's a way too childish nickname. So from now on my nicknames of preference will be vanilla and -v-. ^^

I am in "main room" of our country house... It's such a nice day, so warm, you wouldn't believe it's just january. The window and the door are open, and I am sitting on the couch, with 2 jumpers on and a big scarf, but I feel really good. The sun and the fresh air are so beautiful. I have such a strange relationship with this house. On one side, it scares me: it's very isolated, no other people for more than 5 km and stuff like that... But then, it's gorgeous. It feels so nice to be alone (my parents are here obviously, I mean alone like not in a big city full of people...), and you can think more clearly and feel the nature and the wind and everything... And it's so green and brown and all these colours mixed together are just... I don't know, incredible.
I almost regret leaving tomorrow - not because of the place I am going to, it's going to be so much fun Turin with my aunt, but because now, only now, after 18 years of knowing this house (my parents bought it more than 30 years ago, it's their real home, they are going to live here when they retire) I am starting to really love it, deeply love it... The relationships we have with material things are so full of feelings, sometimes even more than our relationships with other human beings.
I feel very philosophical indeed. *lol* ^^
And I love when I can write like this, all the things in my head mixed and words coming out, words and thoughts just as they appear in my head, sentences that sound just right to me. It's so much more ME than anything else in the world. This is me. I want to be like that, and I want to live like that, and this is my promise for this new year: I will live just as I want, I will do what I want with the people I love and like, I will read and study and go out and have fun because this is what my life has to be, nothing special or exceptional, just this is enough for me. I just need my friends, new and old ones, my books, my music, my little room where I can be alone when I want to and my city. And I'll be happy.
P.S. Happy 2003 to everybody! *^^*