February 2003 Archives

Mmh... Ok, Tom is right, I am getting paranoid. Sooooorry. ^^ *lol* I think it's my favourite activity in life, getting paranoid. Duh.

Seriously, my head hurts sooooo much... Shouldn't have drank this afternoon... *lol* That's so weird, me drinking in the afternoon. But it's nice to be in your local pub with your friends... ^_^
Tonight I am going to see an african band - everything is organized by the SOAS african society. My uni is so multi-ethnic and cool!!! I heard they're veeeery good.
Tomorrow morning I have to wake up at 6 though... Stupid train at 8.10!!! I am going to sleep so much in the train... And I am even in first class because my mum couldn't get my usual student fare nor a normal second class fare (100 € for a one way ticket! It's ridiculous).
I feel like I am not writing very well these days - everything I write just sounds boring when I read it again. No idea why...
GAAAAH. Damn headache. You have to be GONE before 8.30. God I love paracetamol. It's been such a long time since I got an headache like this. Until last year I would get one every couple of weeks, but now it's definitely better, I can't even remember when was the last time. And then, this one must have something to do with my period. Is there anything more annoying in the world than having your period???
On this bright note, I'll go get something to eat. ^_____^

1. What is your favorite type of literature to read (magazine, newspaper, novels, nonfiction, poetry, etc.)? Novels, without a doubt.
2. What is your favorite novel? I have so many... I love most novels by Isabel Allende, Gabriel Garcia Marquez and Banana Yoshimoto... I'd say that is a perfect example of my taste concerning books. ^^
3. Do you have a favorite poem? (Share it!) *lol* Yes... It's an italian one though.
X Agosto - Giovanni Pascoli

San Lorenzo, io lo so perché tanto
di stelle per l'aria tranquilla
arde e cade, perché sì gran pianto
nel concavo cielo sfavilla.

Ritornava una rondine al tetto:
l'uccisero: cadde tra spini:
ella aveva nel becco un insetto:
la cena de' suoi rondinini.

Ora è là come in croce, che tende
quel verme a quel cielo lontano;
e il suo nido è nell'ombra, che attende,
che pigola sempre più piano.

Anche un uomo tornava al suo nido:
l'uccisero: disse: Perdono;
e restò negli aperti occhi un grido
portava due bambole in dono...

Ora là, nella casa romita,
lo aspettano, aspettano in vano:
egli immobile, attonito, addita
le bambole al cielo lontano

E tu, Cielo, dall'alto dei mondi
sereni, infinito, immortale,
Oh! d'un pianto di stelle lo inondi
quest'atomo opaco del Male!
4. What is one thing you've always wanted to read, or wish you had more time to read? I've trying to finish the Lord of the Rings for the longest time. And I really want to read War and Peace (Tolstoj).
5. What are you currently reading? At the moment just one book, which is weird for me (I normally read 2 or 3 at the same time). It's Di tutte le cose visibili e invisibili (De todo lo visible y lo invisible) by Lucía Etxebarría. I really like this writer. *^_^*

Thanks to Rika for the following survey...
1. name = Vanina
2. birthday = August 16
3. piercings = pierced ears (one each), one cartilage piercing and nose
4. tattoos = none
5. height = 5' 8" / 1.68 m
6. shoe size = 41/42 european, no idea for the rest of the world...
7. hair color = blondish-brown
8. length = to my shoulders (which is very long for me!)
9. siblings = 1 brother, Fabrizio ( he's 25)
10. pets = nope
last...
11. movie you rented = Noooo idea.
12. movie you bought = I never buy movies! XD
13. song you listened to = U2 - Sunday bloody sunday
14. song that was stuck in your head = Eminem - Lose yourself or Elisa - Tramonti a nord ovest
15. song you've downloaded = Can't download songs from here... Gaaah.
16. cd you bought = That was a long time ago. Might have been Kylie Minogue - Fever (no idea of why I bought it, I don't even like her that much)
17. cd you listened to = Cousteau - Sirena
18. person you've called = My parents yesterday
19. person that's called you = My parents when I asked them to call me back :)
20. tv show you've watched = Buffy
21. person you were thinking of = Rika, Dean
do...
22. you have a bf or gf = I am single. And bored. I want a boyfrieeeeeeeeend
23. you have a crush on someone = Well... Maybe not anymore, or maybe I still have it, but I don't want to talk about that anymore
24. you wish you could live somewhere else = No, London is the best place in the world.
25. you think about suicide = No, and I never really did
26. you believe in online dating = Nope
27. others find you attractive = Sometimes... :)
28. you want more piercings = No, not really. Or maybe I could get my tongue pierced...
29. you want more tattoos = I want one, my darling lotus flower behind my shoulder and that's it
30. you drink = Hell yeah! And get very drunk.
31. you do drugs = Yep.
32. you like cleaning = Not really... My room & bathroom are disgusting right now. I am too lazy to clean.
33. you like roller coasters = Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah!!!
34. you write in cursive or print = Print, and I like my handwriting
for or against
35. long distance relationships = against, I experienced one for 4 years and it's just too much
36. using someone = against
37. suicide = I guess against, you can't really be for can you?
38. killing people = against
39. teenage smoking = Gaah. Guess for (I smoke, so I can't really say anything). But it would be better not to smoke :)
40. doing drugs = Mmh... You can whatever you want to. I do take drugs and the point is, I know I have to be careful. So, for, as long as you don't exaggerate.
41. premarital sex = HELL FOR!!! Imagine you marry a guy without having sex before and then you find out he's crap in bed XD Seriously though, sex is too important in a relationship to do that.
42. driving drunk = very against
43. gay/lesbian relationships = for! I want to have a girlfriend! XD
44. soap operas = I don't care, but I'm against Eastenders!!! XD
favorite...
45. food = Mmh... Chinese. Japanese. Italian. (I am not original, am I?)
46. song = Wish you were here by Pink Floyd (it's just one of the hundred songs I love to bits)
47. thing to do = go clubbing, hang out with my friends, go shopping and... *ehm*
48. thing to talk about = politics, right now war, books, and... Relationships and guys *lol*
49. sports = I don't do any sport, but I like to watch tennis
50. drinks = Orange juice
51. clothes = Mango, Miss Sixty, Karen Millen
52. movies = Ghost World, Donnie Darko, Lord of the rings (both of them)
53. band = No idea, too many of them XD
54. holiday = Christmas, probably
55. cars = VW Golf or New Beetle (my initials are VW. how stupid is that?)
have you...
56. ever cried over a girl = A girl? Not really, a guy yes
57. ever lied to someone = My parents a lot of times... My ex-boyfriend sometimes.
58. ever been in a fist fight = Nope
59. ever been arrested = Almost, once when I was stealing cones with my best friend of the time XD
what...
60. shampoo do you use = Right now, Sheer Blonde from John Frieda, normally the camomile one from Klorane
61. perfume do you use = L'eau d'Issey my Issey Miyake
62. shoes do you wear = trainers (one pair of black Puma, two gray Adidas, 1 blue Adidas and black & grey Ethnics)
63. are you scared of = Falling in love, definitely, and spiders and insects in general
number..
64. of times i have had my heart broken? = A couple
65. of hearts i have broken? = Probably one
66. of boys i have kissed? = 15, I'm keeping count
67. of girls i have kissed? = 4 (they all are friends of mine though XD)
68. of continents i have lived in? = 1, but 4 different countries
69. of drugs taken illegally? = 3
70. of people i would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends? = Oh well... A lot now, at least 6
71. of people i consider my enemies? = No one, really
72. of people from high school that i stayed in contact with? = Mmh... Only one. And one from Junior High
73. of cd's that i own? = No idea, maybe 30?
74. of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? = Never!!!
75. of scars on my body? = 1, on my eyebrow, when I ran into a waiter with a big pile of plates (I was, like 5)... Oh, and some from chicken pox (I had them removed with laser but you can still see them, a bit)
76. of things in my past that i regret? = Soooo many things... Mostly involving guys. ^^;;;
Surveys are so much fun. XD
I am tired as hell and I also decided that I can't possibly do my essay. It's impossible, I have no material... *sigh*

Mmh... I am in the library. I am going to do my essay now and can't be asked... The point is, in theory this essay shouldn't count (for this economics course we have to do three essays and only the two highest marks count), but it's still better if I at least try to do it. I hope... *lol*
I might go to see The Hours tonight. I really want to, but I have to write at least 1000/1500 words before that. I HAVE TO. Gaaah.

Mmh... I can't reply to the comments because of damn haloscan. Burn in hell haloscan!!! >_<
I've done one of my essays (the one on Buddhism in general) and it's not even that bad. Today for the first time in my life I woke up at 8.30, went straight to the library and stayed there for 4 hours. I was so happy and proud of myself, by 1 I finished the essay. And I also learnt a lot things considering it was the first time in my life I studied Buddhism, which I have to say it's a really nice religion. I want to be a Buddhist. XD
Now I should start the other one but... Man, I can't even understand what this is about!!! I don't like economics... Buaaaaah.
I was doing a bit of vietnamese and for the first time in ages I was actually enjoying it... And then later on I'll start reading stuff for the essay. The problem is that I will never ever have enough material to write 2500 words. I will be lucky if I can get to 2000, really. Speaking of essays, the one I did this morning was written by hand as I was in the library, and I found out that a 1200 words essay would be around 6 pages. That's quite long. So... A 2000 words... Would be... 8/9 pages? My God, I am going to die.
Speaking of other important stuff, this week-end I am going to Paris but I really don't feel like it. I want to go out! I haven't been properly out in I think more than 2 weeks. That's suuuuuuuuch a long time. Mmh. *lol* I was thinking, what a change from last year. Last year the max I would do was go to the pub and come back at 12, and it happened once a month if I was lucky. Now I only want to go out and come back at 5 in the morning.
Last note: having your period sucks. I hate it so much. And I am even thinking of coming off the pill. I mean, I have no boyfriend sooo... There's no real need considering the hassle. I have to ask my mum. No, fuck, I can't ask my mum, she thinks I wanted to go on the pill because I had an irregular period. XD Whateva. Girlish problems suuuuuuck. So complicated (not really, it's just me, I am lazy).
Luuuuuuuuuuuv you guuuuuuuys.

Mmh... I am waiting for the vietnamese teacher to come in. I've done a bit of work yesterday and today (in the afternoon) I will do my essay on Buddhism (booooring...). How stupid is that, a 1200/1500 words essay on Buddhism in general? That's way too short. But well, I am going to do it.
I'll probably end up paying 50 £ for a stupid book I didn't lose... It pisses me off so much, 50 £ for a book is a ridiculous amount of money (and 10 £ of that are just processing). It's really not fair, and then, I'M BROKE I CAN'T AFFORD TO SPEND THAT MUCH MONEY ON SOMETHING I DIDN'T LOSE. GRRRR.
Enough screaming and yelling. Da daaaa. Now I'll revise a bit of vocabulary.

...Monday Mission.
1. Has anyone ever told you that you needed to lose weight or change something about yourself physically? Who told you and what impact did it have on your life? Your perception of yourself? My mother tells me all the time that I should lose at least 10 kg (!!!). It pisses me off and hurts me at the same time. She can be so harsh to me - and I mean, if I myself am ok with my weight, why should my mum worry about that? When she says things like that I just feel bad about myself. But the point is, I am fine like this, I accepted (more or less) my body as it is, and I don't care.
2. Do enjoy the snow and cold weather? I enjoy the snow a lot but not the cold weather! Brrrrr.
3. Visualize the perfect winter evening. Are you alone or with someone? How does the evening start? How does it end, and everything in-between. Mmh... Well... I am in London, with my friends. Like... Me, Sophie, Kirsty, James, Sander and Freddie. We meet in a pub. We drink and talk talk talk. Then we come back home and watch a movie together, something scary... We smoke my shisha. We make lots of jokes, we laugh a lot. Then people start going to bed, at around 2 or something, and me and James watch Friends together... And then we go to sleep. This is a really good winter evening for me... And you know what? I had so many evenings like that. :)
4. Do you think that technology has had allowed relationships and human interaction to become less personal? Is this a good thing? I can't really decide. Because in reality on one side is much more personal; right now I have 3 or 4 VERY good friends and I never met them in real life: it was possible for me to get to know them thanks to the internet. But then... I don't know, people speak less... I, for example, sometimes prefer to write an email or a text to someone instead of meeting him/her or call him/her, which is a bit ridiculous... Dunno.
5. Is there anything you've been meaning to learn, that you can learn, but haven't? (or maybe you have?) Well. German. My dad is german, I was born in Germany but I never learnt it. I really should have... Now I really don't have the energy or the time to do it...
6. What skills or talents have you wished that you possessed that you most likely never will? Are you content with that? I always wished I was better at drawing. I loved to draw (and I still love it) but I'm quite bad at it... And photography, definitely. But I know I'll never be able to do these things, they're not things you can simply learn to do...
7. What do you think of the concept of "AudioBlogs?" Would you like to hear the voice of your favorite bloggers occasionally? Would you rather listen to or read your favorite Blogs? I don't like the idea of audio blogs at all. At all at all. And then, everybody (or almost) can speak, but very few people can write well. Blogs have to be written, not spoken!

My brother bought this bag for my aunt and a similar one for my mum. They're so beautiful. I want a small one like that! *___*

Nel mezzo del cammin di nostra vita
mi ritrovai per una selva oscura
ché la diritta via era smarrita...
I miss studying Dante. I should really read it again. And maybe I will... Mmh...
Amor, ch'a nullo amato amar perdona,
mi prese del costui piacer sì forte,
che, come vedi, ancor non m'abbandona...

I'll start in italian...
Prima di tutto, grazie grazie grazie lu-chan per la cartolina (ehi ma quella nell'angolo e' la fogliolina del national trust? XD) - ADORO ricevere cartoline & lettere, stamattina quando ho trovato la tua ho sorriso per mezz'ora! Mi ha fatto tantooooooo piacere (hint hint: se qualcun'altro volesse farmi piacere... Please? Indirizzo: Vanina W. / GDB5 Dinwiddy House / N1 9NF London / UK).
Poi... Sembra che il fancazzismo imperversi davvero tra lo studentame italiano! XD Io ho appena avuto una settimana di vacanza (qui la chiamano reading week, il massimo che ho letto io e' stato Isabelle Allende, altroche' libri scolastici!!!) e l'ho passata a fare NULLA (ubriacarmi, fumare, ridere, giocare con la playstation, giocare con il computer, mangiare, vedere film, ecc ecc).
Oh, katy-chan: il mio ciucciaqu' (aka icq) non funziona causa firewall sul network dell'universita'. :) Per il momento I am stuck with msn messenger.
I saw my brother this morning; I had to go to Notting Hill and it took me 40 minutes to get there (stupid circle line and central line are closed I had to change line two times) and 1 hour 30 to come back here (I took the bus which was even a worse idea). I hate public transports in London. They're dirty, ugly and they never work.
On a brighter note, I just had a really nice dinner, like a proper meal... Roast beef, chips, carrots, peas and broccoli. Mmmh. Thank you Kirsty! *lol* Sometimes I am quite impressed by my friends, I think they are all very clever. That's SOAS for you guys, the best of the best! XD
The only strange moment was when I hurt myself with a candle (don't ask... Yes I am stupid) and then said "I am so stupid I also hit a door with my head the other day and had this huge bump..." and Tom went "Yes on your forehead". I was like... When did I tell him??? And then I remembered about the blog. THIS IS WEEEEEEEEEEIRD. *lol*
James said something to me the other night that I had problems to fully understand... When we were sleeping in his bed (and cuddling *blush*) he said he'd really like (actually that he and Ben, italian guy, his best friend, so cute, would like) me to live with them next year. But it was quite strange because he was saying something on the lines of "we're just putting ideas in for next year" and bla bla bla, like we're not asking you, it's just an idea. I don't understaaaaaaaaand. Plus I told my brother James wants to find a flat in Hackney and my brother was horrified because apparently it's one of the most dangerous areas of London (a murder every week, basically). Mmh. Niiiiice.
I can't believe my brother is on a plane to New York RIGHT NOW. I want to see New York again so bad. I love that city. It's possibly one of my favourite cities in the world (London, Paris, Rome and NY). And I really want to live there. Who knows where I will be in 3 years time, when I finish uni. I don't know if I'll still want to live in London... I'd like to live in at least 10 different big cities during my life. AND I WILL DO IT! ^_^
I WANT Sim City 4. I swear next week end I am going to get it. Even if it cost the ridiculous amount of money that is 60 €.
Last thing I want to say (oh yeah this is a long post)... Thanks to everyone who visits my blog regularly (or even not regularly), it means a lot to me (yeah, I am drama-bitch-queen). LOOOOOOOOVE YOUUUUUUUU!!! :*

Oh my God now that I've done nothing all week long I am in deep trouble. I have two zillion things to do, reading for development, vietnamese (I have to study well at least 3/4 chapters), reading for the essay on Buddhism (I don't even know where to start for that one)... Gaaah.
But I am a clever girl and I will do it! I promise! *^^*

Gah. What can I do, I like him so much... There's not really an answer. I have to keep doing what I am doing now: nothing. Whatever. What a depressing subject.
Switched from Benson & Hedges to Muratti. I like them better, and they really are lighter, or at least they look healthier. Can't wait to have Marlboro lights again though (the problem is that I have to wait for people coming from abroad, because I can't really afford cigarettes at 4.50 £ a pack).
"Wake up / It's a beautiful morning..."
This song is so cool. James put it on when we woke up this morning and it's just... I don't know, it makes you feel better (by the way, I slept in James' bed again and no, nothing happened and yes, it was very sweet and fuck, I am stupid because I keep doing this).
I am getting addicted to Tony Hawk 3 - we have it on Playstation 2 (Playstation 2 = Freddie's, some games = mine, other games = Freddie's, tv = James') and we've been playing it non stop for 4 days (possibly drunk). *lol* Now that I think about it James didn't leave his keys here. Meaning that I can't play it. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. X_X
What else? Still procrastinating, wrote an email to one of the tutors for my economics course about the essay. Might start studying vietnamese now? Maybe?
(I hate myself for not having any self-control. At all. If I don't feel like studying there is no way I am going to do it. Da-ah.)
The bump on my head is gone but it still hurts a lot and I am afraid that I'll have a bruise. On my fucking foreheeeeeeeead... *sigh*

Mmh... Someone else from my group of friends found out about the blog. Hi Tom! Don't really think you're reading this, but well. It's so weird having people finding out about the blog - I know it's inevitable, I mean, even when you search on google "vanina" my blog is in the fucking first page. But it's just because this place is so mine, I feel so free because this is the only place where I can say... Almost everything (I have another place yet for the even more personal stuff! *lol*)... Gaaaaah, I am babbling way too much about this. Whatevaaaaaaa.
All this makes me think... Even if I always have little problems here and there, I am enjoying my life so much more this year, SO MUCH. It's unebelievable, because I didn't think I could be this happy. ^^

I just hit a door with my head and now I have a double bump on my forehead. Yes, double, not one bump, TWO FRIGGIN' BUMPS. And they hurt. Ouch.

I just noticed that me and James have the same desktop (Chii from Chobits). I gave him this wallpaper among many others but he chose this one, how cute.
Oh my God I sound stupid. V YOU'RE NOT THIRTEEN YEARS OLD ANYMORE STOP ACTING LIKE THIS! =___=

Some more movies (Lilo and Stitch cracked me up, I swear, it's so funny) and chilling (per gli italiani = il fancazzismo imperversa) later, I am still here. Mmh. I feel bad for not studying but I feel good for... Well, doing nothing. *lol*
I am going to miss this place so much when I move out, really. No more drunk students running around, no more 500 people from the same uni all together, no more... Fun with my flatmates. Naaah, I really shouldn't think about this, life is good NOW and I have to think about the present, not the past, not the future, PRESENT TIME. And it's good. So good. ^^
[edit] Did I mention that I have the coolest ashtray ever? I love my ashtray. Can't wait to have marlboro lights again though, I don't like Benson & Hedges that much, but well. Cheap cigarettes coming from Japan next week! Yay! ^^ [/edit]

James wakes me up at 3.10, comes into the flat with 20 random people, the fire alarm goes off twice, and here I am again. And now I am going to crawl into James' bed, again, to watch videos. Yay! I am such a sad person.

Yep, I'm still up... I didn't study at all in the end, how surprising. *ehm*
Watched a lot of Friends though... I can't wait for the new episodes to come out on Streamload, now I am stuck at episode 10 - series 9 and want to see the rest!!!
I feel a bit lonely... I would like to have someone to talk to. I thought I would wait until James comes back, but really, that would be stupid. I am tired plus he is probably going to be very drunk when he comes back. This whole James thing is fucking me up again... Here we go, I feel like crying. Stupid stupid stupid V, why do you put yourself in this kind of situations??? I guess I am still... Well, a lot childish and teenagerish. Or maybe it's just me, I always end up feeling bad because of my nature, who knows?
I just know that being awake, very late, and on my own, it's bad for me. Soooo... Goodnight. :)

I didn't do anything, all day long. Mmh, it feels so nice. Woke up at 10, had breakfast, went to bed again, woke up at 12.30, chilled, chilled, updated the pictures page, went for a coffee with James, chilled, chilled, chilled, and here I am. What a lazy ass. *lol*
This morning my parents called me from South America, on their way to Montevideo from somewhere in Brezil, they're having fun, seeing lots of things. My brother called me and invited me to Chinawhite tonight, but I don't feel like going out, plus I already spent 50 quid this week. Hopefully I am going to study a bit tonight, vietnamese and such. I have no idea on how to do my essay, but well. I might also start the reading for my other essay (spread of Buddhism in South East Asia).
What is the difference between a paper in the US and an essay here? Are they the same thing? No idea. Duh.
Haloscan is not working again, and the tagboard isn't either - the hate.
What else? Mmh... Jana is coming to London again in March. How nice. And life is lovely.
[edit] My parents' house in Tuscany was built around 1880. So, yeah, it is quite old. :) Same with our flat in Paris (1882, I think). The flat we had in Rome was from the 30s. It's the first time in my life that I live in a building from the second part of the 20th century, basically! XD [/edit]

I was going through the pictures of my parents' house in Tuscany and found this one. Isn't it beautiful? I want the snow... And I took the picture, I am so proud of myself. XD And this picture... *__* It's a shame that my scanner is so bad with pictures. Anyway, a bit of advertisment for my parents: go check our house out! ^^

I am SO pissed off. I went to library at 2 and I am just back. I found two books for my South East Asian studies essay (on the diffusion of Buddhism) but NONE for my economics essay. I have a 2500 words essay due in 10 days and NO MATERIAL whatsoever. I don't know what to do. Grrr.
I want to live near the river. Sander lives there and he has the most amazing flat, and same for his friend Raph. Gaaah. I want to own a big big big cool cool cool flat with lots of rooms and space so that I can live there with my friends. How cool would it be??? :)

No Friday Five last week, so here is the Monday Mission.
1. What do you like to eat for breakfast? Do you even eat breakfast? Cereals, without a doubt, and if it's early (before 10) good black italian coffee (Illy or Lavazza). Sometimes tea.
2. What was the song that "blew your mind" and is etched in your brain forever? Recall the moment and why it remains in your mind. Oh God, this is a difficult question. It happens quite often to me. Cry me a river by Justin Timberlake had a bit this effect, oh, and Strange attraction by The Cure. Yeah, definitely, Strange Attraction. I'll never forget the words, and how happy I was listening to it. I was 16, I think, and went with my parents to the sea in the north of France, and I listened to The Cure non stop because my ex-boyfriend had just given me one of their cd, and when I heard Strange Attraction.. It was love. And it made me have a terrible crush on Robert Smith and his voice... I love it. ^^
3. Do you like to gamble? Have you ever won (or lost) big? I never gambled for real. With Neopets though. And spent huuuuge amounts of neopoints. XD
4. Some people find comfort for their troubled mind in food. Others find it in music or books. What do you turn to for comfort when you are troubled or worried? Lots of things actually... All of them. Food, a good book, or my favourite songs. Or sometimes I find comfort in crying. I really do - I'd say I probably cry at least once a week, it makes me feel so much better. It just gets all the stress out of me. But the morning after my eyes look terrible. XD I think I got it from my mother - now she doesn't cry a lot, but she told that when she was my age she would cry every single day. I think it must be something with hormones, we easily get sad and cry. *lol*
5. When was the last time you felt apathetic? What was it about? I always feel apathetic about school, even if in the end I do what I have to do. Actually, I just have a lazy ass. :)
6. I just read that Google bought Pyra Labs (Blogger.com). Although Blogging was going "mainstream" before this, it most certainly will now have greater exposure, and one assumes, bring us even more Bloggers. Is this a good thing? Well, I think that there already are so many bloggers it won't make a big difference. We'll probably just get more blogs with terrible html use, but well, that's what internet is about. *lol* I am such a bitch. :) 7. What did you do with all your freetime before you blogged? My. I don't know. Nothing? :) Surfing the net, mostly. I still do surf a lot though. And read more, maybe. Nah, not really. Blogging hasn't changed my life so much. :)

You can tell that I am in reading week. I blog a lot, meaning that I am bored, meaning that my friends all went home, meaning that... AAAAAAH. I don't know. My carpet is very clean and my room very smelly (stupid hoover that smells like a bitch).
Look look, my uni! I walk those stairs almost everyday! Lots of people from SOAS at the protest. And lots of people in Italy. I am so proud, my uni and my home country. *^^* They say around 3 or 4 million people in Rome - even more than here! Can you imagine? Now, the problem is... Why is Berlusconi the Prime Ministre??? Gaaah. And Bush the President of the US. Double-gaaah.

Fucking hell (sorry, but I can't think of anything else to say).

Haloscan is finally working again. Gaaaah.
I am such a lazy ass. I can't be bothered to go down to the library. It's a 15 m walk but I can't be bothered. Aaaaah. Damn economics essay. What am I doing instead? Watching the news about the congestion charge and watching Friends. I love Friends. Friends is the best. Friends go go go. Or I could play with Neverwinter nights... Maybe after another episode of Friends?
Reading week is bad for me. Sooooooo bad. *^^*

Kissing Jessica Stein, such a sweet movie. I'd love to experience a relationship like that, between women, a mix of love and friendship and sex. I highly recommend this film, soooooo good.
About the march... Unfortunately the stupid camera deleted everything, so no pictures. Grrrrr, they were so nice. Basically, I went from Oxford street to Hyde Park and it was absolutely PACKED. I listened to Jackson's speech which was very good, and got a lot of leaflets. Everyone was very polite and quiet, no violence, the only episode that made me worry a bit was when a group of people were burning down an american flag. That was way too much. But really, all the other people were perfectly normal, almost no kids (which I think is a good idea), but lots of flags and nice slogans (Like: "drop pills not bombs")... After that we obviously ended up in a pub, drunk a bit, came back home, ate really good spaghetti bolognese by James (why do they call them "bolognese" when it's just ragu', basically?), watched The Truman show and... Started doing drinking games with shots of vodka & juice, first with Soul Blade (you lose=down one shot) then with Top Gun (with words, like Maverick=all the guys down one shot, Goos=all the girls, Plane=me, Sir=Freddie, etc etc). We had so much fun, even if it ended up a bit weird, when we had to call the ambulance for Sander... And there was blood all over the place, walls, floor... With water because we also played with water and got ourselves and the flat completely soaked. Very weird.
I had a real scare when Freddie jumped out of the window (I was so drunk I didn't think we are only on the first floor and there just a couple of m before the lawn) and I just started to cry histerically (it makes me laugh now *lol*), and James was so sweet, he hugged me until I calmed down and... I really don't know how to take it, because we were so drunk and he was probably just trying to make me calm down, but he told me, well, that he loves me to bits and I am a very good friend... The problem is, I am way too much of a pussy to ask him if it's true, so I'll just take it as something he would have said when he is sober, so I am definitely happy about this. *^^*
I am a happy little girl. ^____^

Tonight was at the same time one of the funniest and one of the scariest nights of my life. We had so much fun, but then 1. Freddie jumped out of the kitchen window (nothing happened to him, we live on the first floor) causing me to start crying histerically for 10 minutes & 2. Sander smashed my PERSONAL pint glass into his hand, and then had to go to the hospital, where he still is with James. Guys, 2 and 1/2 l of vodka for 5 people are way too much. And one should stop playing drinking games after one hour. Right now, I feel very stupid and still very drunk. Hopefully everything is ok with Sander (actually I am sure it is, even if we had to call the ambulance and everything it wasn't too bad... I think). Students can be so stupid. I can be so stupid. My friends can be so stupid. I guess things like that happen quite often, but still, it scared the shit out of me.
Sidenote: apparently the stupid digital camera lost all the pictures I took of the protest, including the one with the slogan "Make love not war" with Bush and Blair kissing. Anyway, more on the march tomorrow when I am less confused, less drunk and less stressed about all this.
Goodnight.

Tonight was such a funny night. Got drunk with my friends, danced like crazy with my friends, played a lot of soul blade with my friends. I am happy, I don't care if I don't have a boyfriend (even if a shag wouldn't be a bad thing - ops, I am not supposed to say these things XD), and it's definitely time for me to go to bed and SLEEP.

There is a reason why I am not commenting on Valentine's day. Valentine's day is stupid. Cute but stupid. And it's even more stupid when you don't have a boyfriend. Ah ah.

Ok... Pictures time! Go here and look at your dear v and her friends going crazy. ^^
(explanation of people: Beth is doing development studies with me, James & Sander & Sophie & Freddie you should know, Navy Sophie is Freddie's new girlfriend, the gay guys are two guys from SOAS that were very funny and yes they were wearing girls' tops, Mariko was the one organizing the party at Mayfair, Karl is one of James' friends from school, Hannah is James' girlfriend, Handi is one of Dulcie's friends, and that's it)
Comment, please! *^^*

The magic of internet: a completely random guy I met last saturday night at the end who had a digital camera sent me by email the pictures he took. Isn't it cool?
(there is just one picture of me and I look way too fucked to show it to anyone :p)

I just watched Signs, which wasn't as good as I thought it would be. It was quite scary though. Not as scary as the Sixth Sense, but well.
What else? Last night I had the time of my life, japanese party at the Mayfair was wicked. I danced for 3 hours non-stop or almost, didn't get drunk at all but had so fun oh so much fun. And you'll have pictures very soon! James bought a digital camera. :)
Obviously, I missed my vietnamese lecture this morning. But I am going to work hard on vietnamese this week. And I am going to start my essays as soon as possible. I can't believe I already have two essays due in two weeks. Mmh... Bad bad bad.
What else? Oh yeah, I just saw Tom Colvin and acted more or less normally - said "hi" and "goodbye". *lol*
In general, I am pretty happy and everything. Life is nice, even in days like today when nothing special happens. ^^

Go visit the Mokona fanlisting and JOIN! Go go go! And look at the new layout at vsp.nu... ;)

Ok. I want to talk about the James situation a bit more. First, thank you Jana and Misa for commenting.
Girls, you are both very right, and I completely agree with you, but I came to the conclusion that the problem is not really that his girlfriend is jealous (I mean, I couldn't care less), but that James wasn't happy about it. I think his reaction is weird, because if he was feeling perfectly normal about the whole thing he wouldn't have overreacted like that but said exactly what you girls said: male/female friendship is perfectly normal, and well... Girlfriends and boyfriends have to cope with it. Full stop. But he didn't say that. And it's weird.
And... The point is, he must feel guilty in some way. If his girlfriend found out that I slept in his bed, she would have a reason to be angry at him. And we have a cute relationship - maybe too cute? I think that sleeping in his bed (and I repeat: even if nothing happened, ever) was in some way breaking the rules. And he knows it.
But apart from these strange things we have such a nice friendship - we talk about everything (serious or funny), we discuss things, we go to Sainsbury's together, we eat together, we go to the cinema together, we smoke together, we watch Friends together. It's like having a female friend, I swear, but it's better because he is a guy. And it's the first time I have a male friend like that and I don't want to lose him. That's why I was so pissed off - I was afraid of losing his friendship. I care about him so much. As much as I care about Sophie or Alli or Chiara. He is one of my best friends - why is he like that then???

Well, why am I not blogging? Simply because nothing is happening.
School... I have two essays due in two weeks, and no idea on how to do them (hopefully with reading week coming it's going to be ok). Yesterday I had vietnamese and was completely lost. I have to write a little text in vietnamese on the weather in London (!!!). Oh, and another one on SHOPPING in London. *lol*
I haven't been going out since saturday. Mmh. And no plans on going out until... A long time. Ok, I could go to Mayfair tonight. Everybody is going. Japanese party, with women dressed in kimonos and people doing karate in the middle of the club. And half of the japanese students in London (around 300 japanese people tonight). I can't decide... I think I'm gonna go. And it's just the price of the tube ticket anyway.
What else? My nose is so cute! I love it! Piercings rules. If I wasn't a complete pussy I would get my tongue done. I think tongue piercing is seeeeeeexy. *^^*
Oh, and I have NO food left. I have 1 can of pasta sauce, ~ 300 gr of pasta, marmalade and butter but no bread, rice and that kind of stuff, and 1 l of milk. Time to go to Sainsbury's. I'm going with Dulcie later on today.
"We were born with eyes wide open..." I love David Gray. And I wonder: was I born with my eyes open or closed? I have to ask my mum.
I've been watching so much Friends lately. All of the 7th series and now the 8th. And I am downloading the 9th (or at least the first 10 episodes). Streamload is the best. And Friends is the best. Who is your favourite character in Friends? I can't decide, they are all so good. Maybe Rachel. But Joey is so funny. And Phoebe... And Monica... And Ross (when he forgets about Mona *lol*)... We LOVE Friends.

Doesn't it feel nice when you're just out of the shower? Mmmmmmh...

Well... I am feeling better now - I mean, I have no faults in this, it's not my fault if James' girlfriend is stupid and he over-reacted. Full stop. I don't care.
Last night I had the worst experience with weed. I was fully tripping and almost having a panic attack. I'll never smoke that much again.
What else? My nose is pierced again! Yay! I already had my nose pierced when I was 14/15 and I loved it, and now it's even better. It does hurt a bit but not too much. And it feels a bit weird, I think I was used to think of it as a teenagerish thing that I would never do again, but it's just... Me. I think it looks very good. Pictures as soon as I can. *^^*
Going back, to the James thing... Is it so wrong to have a male/female friendship? My text really didn't say anything. It went "Here is a stupid question because I am and I mean it fucked: are we really good friends? For me, you're my best male friend.". What is wrong with it? It's only about friendship. I actually sent it because I came to conclusion that I don't give a fuck about having any sort of relationship with James because he is a friend, a good friend, and we get along so well as friends. I don't understand the reaction, really. Can someone explain it to me?

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Something had to happen, I knew it. Now James is slightly pissed off at me or something because his girlfriend saw a text I sent him last night (and it was a very sweet text, I was just saying that James was my best male friend, and I even said I was fucked as hell) and she wasn't happy and he "can't justify something like that"... Fuck fuck fuck it's not fair. I was trying to be nice because I was so happy and thinking about how much I care about him, and here is the result. And I had to apologize for that. I'm going to bed now. And I am angry, and sad, and pissed off. Fuck.

Mmh... I just had the best shower. And until 10 minutes ago I was still in my pajamas! *lol* I am loving every second of this life, even the bad ones. But to have the feeling that you could do anything... I am probably annoying, saying how happy I am all the time. It's just that I've dreaming of this for so long that after 6 months of actually having everything I wanted I still can't believe it. I don't know why, but last night was so good for me, it made me feel so good, so much better than the past days, and it made me realise some things, that I have to put more effort in my friendships, but that there are people here who truly care about me... Sophie & James & Kirsty & Freddie... I couldn't want more. I love them to bits. And all the other amazing people I got to meet, Rie & Dulcie & Tom & Kunal & Ian and all of them...
Thank you life for giving me this. I am so grateful. I truly am grateful for all this. Thank you.

It's 8 o'clock in the morning, the sun is up and I am going to bed. And I love my friends, and London. And I'm getting my nose pierced again on monday. And I'm so happy.
See you this afternoon.

I don't want to take the Eurostar ever again. EVER.

6 months ago, I would have never thought that I could be like this. Reading my friends' blogs, smoking a cigarette and being happy because I'm going out with my other friends. Life is beautiful.

This song is the best! And the Fashion TV mix is too good. Mmh.
Well... I am damn tired. I got drunk last night, yay! And slept soooo much. And going out again tonight. This is going to be a party party week-end. And we're going to The End, which I heard is really good. Nothing else really happened... Apart from the fact that James confuses me way too much and I cannot stop thinking about... Well these strange things that happen between me and him. It's not normal, I mean, he has a girlfriend and I sleep in his bed? And I know we are really good friends but... It doesn't sound right. But I really don't want it to stop... And I have been asked whether I want something to happen or not (I mean, when I sleep in his bed) and I really can't answer, because I don't know.
Anyway, there you go to the various answers to the comments:
- roses, booooni i crunch! Quali sono quelli nuovi? Aaaah, I'm obsessed with cereals. I love them so much.
- Katy, che emozione, sei una fan del mio blog? *^^* Sei un toccasana per il mio ego cara XD
- Jana, it's so cool, I didn't know the protest was all over the world! See, sometimes globalization is good... ;) And, yes, politicians are just so disappointing. Why do we have democracy if we end up like this? Really, I know... 3 people here in London who are actually pro-war? And one of them is James. *argh* This is crazy. I just hope it's going to be a quick war. What else should I hope for? Oh, and *lol*, I don't know why but I thought your paper would be in some language I understand. I might have to study croatian just to read it? ;))
- Thank you mara per salutare ^^
Lately I have been feeling like I am drifting apart (or do you say away?) from Sophie and Kirsty... But I think it was just an impression. It's probably because I've been hanging out with James a lot in the last week. And I don't know for which reason since I've got back from Paris on monday I've been feeling like I am... A stranger to my friends. And I am really not. I think this year didn't start in the better way, but well...
Isn't it the worst thing when it gets dark three hours after you woke up (yes, I did wake up at 2)? Sad sad thing.

Thank you Jana, judging from the first pages it does look really interesting. *^^* As soon as I have the time I'll read all of it. Indeed, I study development. I am starting to have doubts on whether it's useless or not. I mean, I don't think the world will ever change. I don't know where to look for hope, and if I, who want to work for a NGO, have no hope, who could have it? Mmmh...
And yes, I intend to join the protest on the 15th. Lots of people are going to be there apparently. Some 500.000 people! Can you imagine? I mean, in the end, how many people do really support the war? 10? Bush and his family and Blair and his family?
Anyway, darling, I want to see your paper when it's finished. Yep yep yep. ^__^
Freddie has a new kind of girlfriend. And I don't mind seeing her in the kitchen in the morning, so it's ok. And she's really nice.
What else? Oh, yep, I am frustrated. Guess what? I slept in James' bed again. *sniff*
[edit] Friday Five
1. What did you have for breakfast this morning? If you didn't have breakfast, why not? Cereals (rice krispies) with milk and espresso (my beloved espresso thingy *___*).
2. What's your favorite cereal? Is this about breakfast cereals? Or cereals in general? Mmh... Anyway, goooood question. I do like Wheetos. And Choco pops. Yep, they are probably my favourites.
3. How often do you eat out? Do you want that to change? Lately it's been around once a week. Which is sometimes a bit too expensive, but nice. ^^
4. What do you plan on having for dinner tonight? Got a recipe for that? No idea, I mean, I don't even know what I am going to eat for lunch.
5. What's your favorite restaurant? Why? I don't really have one... I have my favourite chinese restaurant in Paris, and my favourite japanese restaurant in Paris, and so on, and then in general I like japanese, indian, lebanese, moroccan food... etc. etc. [/edit]

listening to: Tiromancino & Jovanotti & Elisa & Biagio Antonacci & Lunapop
I've been to school all day long (from 8 to 5) and I am tired. I am quite pissed off as I had to read something for tomorrow (for a presentation) but half of the pages are missing from the study pack. Mmh. And I'm even supposed to do an essay on that. Mmh. I hate economics.
The little suprise I am preparing with Lu-chan is almost ready. I am so excited. *^^*
And very soon I'll work on a new layout for my dear blog, using one of the Nana pictures I found in Cookie. Veeeery nice (thanks to James who bought a scanner! Yay!).
Katy-chan darling, all the comments re-appeared! So here we go with the replies... ^_- Anche io ho riscoperto da poco la marmellata di fragole. *yum* (e come non potevo? Mia madre colleziona oggetti con fragole - ho mangiato in piatti con le fragole per tutta la mia vita, usato tovaglioli con le fragole per tutta la mia vita, bevuto da tazze con le fragole per tutta la mia vita, ecc ecc ^^ che famiglia di pazzi che mi ritrovo!). E si, i modelli americani dei levi's sono tutti diversi. E soprattutto, hanno piu' taglie *argh*. Che vergogna, mi e' toccato andare a comprarmi i jeans nel reparto uomini del Printemps (grande magazzino parisien). Purtroppo i ristoranti italiani all'estero sono in linea di massima un disastro. Intanto si inventano le cose (tipo il garlic bread, ma te l'hai mai mangiato in Italia???), poi fanno errori di ortografia nei nomi dei piatti e soprattutto di solito fanno schifo. La settimana scorsa sono andata ad un ristorante che non era male pero', Mezzo. Buono, peccato che ti spennino (20 £, ovvero 30 €, per antipasto e un main dish, piu' un bicchiere di champagne, sti fighetti inglesi lo adorano =__=)
Oh, and thank you to you, Jana, Karma and c. for telling me why you read my blog. You made me feel really good :*

That was fun. I walk out of my room and there all these people outside my flat. Including Dulcie. It's Rav's birthday and he is WASTED. He was going around with fake indian jewelry, singing and dancing. Halls of residence are the best. *lol*
And a sidenote: I am enjoying smoking cigarettes too much. Aaaah.

"round and round and round and round and round we go / trying so hard to get a hold of everyone here / we've got to show how much we love them all / we squeak with idiot fake surprise / flap our hands and flutter our eyes / and lap up all their stupid lies"
I have more and more the feeling that most men are simply assholes who just think about sex. Mmmh. I don't feel like going to bed at all.
"We could be on separate planetes, Mars and Venus..."
Mmh... Lyrics night.
"You don't even know me... You don't understand me, so why do you judge my life?"
Winamp is doing a good work tonight. It's playing only good songs.
"C'e' qualcuno che fa di tutto per renderti la vita impossibile / e c'e' qualcuno che fa di tutto per render questo mondo invivibile"

Mmh... Haloscan deleted all the comments from the last week. >___< Now I can't reply. *sniff* 'TUPID HALOSCAN!!!
Anyway. (*sniff*) I forgot to post this the other day. I wrote it in the Eurostar from Paris (I always feel like writing in the Eurostar, well, when I am not sleeping). ^^
Here it goes...
Monday, February 03, 2003
And today is one of those days when I need to write so much, because my mind is so full of ideas and thoughts and it cannot stop working. Listening to old songs that are so real (I do love Jovanotti, he makes me smile); if someone looked at my etes right now he would see dreams of a hopeful life, with happiness and travelling and who knows what else... And I am happy of my dreams, of who I am - I am not perfect, at all, but I feel good.
Maybe I don't hate being in a train so much. I just need good music and good landscapes to look at while the train goes, so fast. I think the Eurostar goes at like, 300 km/h? It's amazing, moving so fast.
"e come Ulisse cerchero' di ritrovare / quella mia isola / ma tanto viaggiare sara' piacevole / sara' indispensabile / anche se l'isola sara' irrangiungibile..."
And off I go to have dinner with my brother. Mmh... Tomorrow is going to be a study day though.

Mmh... My stomach feels a bit weird but apart from that... I feel great. I don't know why, suddendly... I love what I am wearing, where I am, where I live, with who I am, etc. And... Jovanotti rocks. I swear, his songs are legend! I can't believe that I was just 7/8 when they came out.
Ok, I am writing this a couple of hours later. Just been to a party upstairs and been offered drugs, alchool, etc. The only thing that was missing was sex! Ah ah. I am just so NOT a serious girl am I? *lol* Anyway. Danced like mad. I love this place.

Oh my god... I want to marry Heath Ledger (I need a bit of girlish drooling from time to time!!!). *drools*

Mmh... A trojan called like me. Weird.

Here you go!
1. Do you remember the first LP, 45, CD or CD single that you bought? Recreate the scene for me. I really can't remember... It probably was a cd single. Some crappy pop boys band probably. No big scenes :)
2. What was the last CD or song that you actually paid money for? I think it was Kylie Minogue's Fever. Not that I really like her but I had money to spend that day and didn't know what to buy... Which is quite weird... *lol* It was around 7 or 8 months ago.
3. What do you think is the best snack food ever? Toast with butter and apricot marmalade *yummy*. Or salt & vinegar crisps. :)
4. What "stuff" do you have that someone else might just throw away if they were cleaning out your house? Oooh... All the old stuff from school... Like whole conversations on paperI had with my friends during the boring hours... Most of them are in some way related to sex. XD It's bizarre how teenagers can obsess about sex, man... What else? Maybe all the old Mickey Mouses and Dylan Dogs and all that... That's it, really. I threw away lots of stuff last year, while I was tidying up my room.
5. Do you think it is wrong for people to rush to e-Bay and start selling Space Shuttle Columbia collectibles? Quite, but not more wrong than newspapers using the poor astronautes like another big news. Or saying that the Israeli's parents had survived the Holocaust. No point, really.
6. Does it bother you when President Bush speaks about God and invokes scripture quotations from the Bible during his speeches? Yes, it does, a lot. The US are a secular state. He has no right to use religion as a political instrument.
7. I have a friend who think's she's being photographed in public restrooms. What paranoid delusion do you have? I am really not original: people looking at me in the street, the tube, everywhere. Fucks me uuuuuuuuuuuup >_<
p.s. I'll reply to all the comments tomorrow, I am too stoned right now (eheh, a good start again). But for a start: thank you very much for the compliments people. *^^*

Buddha bar compilations rule!!!
Ok, I know this is a boring question, but...
Why do you read my blog? What is interesting about it?
I don't know why, but I have the impression that lately it is becoming more and more boring. Am I right?
And... I should be writing emails, to new but really good friends, to old loves... But once again I am not in the mood. I wrote to an old friend of mine, but couldn't do more than that. I think that it is because when I write an email, I want it to be interesting so much that one email is enough to use up all my mental energy. Maybe I should impose myself a rule, like... You have to reply to an email a day. Not less, not more. That would be good... Ok I'll do it (or at least I'll try to) from now on...

But well... I don't have much else to do. I just saw a really nice movie, Tan de repente, on Argentina, on lesbians and on life. Very nice. Very funny too.
It's so funny, the chinese new year's version of google. I love google. *lol* I love it when I write these really random things. Randomness (is that a real word or did I just make it up?) is the best.
I miss... Well, I would like to say that I miss London, but right now I just feel like I miss James. Maybe it's just because here, in Paris, I think so much that everything in my head gets confused. And then, Sophie is right, he's not special or anything. Cute and nice but nothing else. But then, does he need to be special? I can't wait to find a nice free guy to be with so that I can get over him. Gaah.
I'm such a teenager.
[edit] I need a cigarette. Badly. Another 2 days to go before I can smoke. No, my parents don't know about it. No, I can't tell them. They'd kill me if they find out. Cigaretteeeeeeeee... [/edit]

1. As a child, who was your favorite superhero/heroine? Why? I don't think I had one. Really.
2. What was one thing you always wanted as a child but never got? Mmh... Probably Barbie's car. Or, no, wait, this better: a big house on a tree, or in the wodd near our country house. But a big house, like a real house, just for a child. ^^
3. What's the furthest from home you've been? I'd say... Argentina. Is it farther than Colorado? Should be...
4. What's one thing you've always wanted to learn but haven't yet? Japanese. But one day I'll do it, I promise.
5. What are your plans for the weekend? Well, I'm already halfway through the week-end (I really should start doing friday fives on friday and not on saturday or sunday!!! =_=) but... My plans basically are: go shopping, rest and eat. *lol* Not a lot, really. I might go to the cinema tonight and to the chinese restaurant tomorrow. And that's it. ^^

More shopping... Seems like everytime I come to Paris I HAVE to buy clothes. I am now the proud owner of: 1 pair of Levi's engineered jeans (I had to buy the fucking men's ones because the women's were too small - France = country full of anorexic people GAAAAAAAAAH >_<), 1 white t-shirt, 1 black t-shirt and 1 pink pajama (the third one XD). And I also weight less as my legs & arms have just been waxed (aaaah it hurts >_<). Oh, and I also have a cute lamp shade, a funky ashtray, some little blue lights to hang to my wall and 2 big candles. I am such a capitalist. I can't believe I am so hypocrite - feeling bad about buying stuff??? But what am I supposed to do...
Anyway. Rie, if you read this: AAAAAAAAAAAH I MISS OUR FLAT! Can't wait for monday to come. ^^

It's snowing! Snowing! Snowing! In Paris too. How lucky am I? To see the snow falling in two of the most beautiful cities in the world...