Aaaah, I’m finally alone for a while. They’re gone to see Arezzo, or something like that. And I’m finally free to cry over all the stupid bollocks they’re putting me through.
I’ve been thinking more about my parents, and there are so many things I don’t get. You know, I think I am a pretty good daughter, I do what they want me to do, I’ve been doing what they wanted me to do for ages. Since I’ve moved to London I’ve been doing things I want to do, and suddenly they’re so... Bitchy with me, all the time. I’m tired to hear that I am lazy, that should do more, that I should do this and that, that I should be more grateful. I don’t know if it’s because I’m a girl or because I stay with them more than my brother, but they never do THIS to him. First of all they don’t ask him to do something every 5 seconds, move their stupid shit or help them do all these things I couldn’t care less about, and then treat him like shit if he doesn’t help them. I have to move their stupid books up and down the stairs and if I don’t do it they tell me “Ah, you should help us, this is your house too and you never do anything and we’re doing it for you too and blah blah blah”, but if then I complain because they want to move me from a room to another as they please because their fucking friends are coming and I don’t think it’s fair because this is MY room and this is my house too they tell me “That I should do it because I’m young and I should be nice to people and blah blah blah”. Do they ever move from a room to another? I don’t think so. Were they ever grateful for all their stupid suitcases and plants I’ve been carrying up and down Europe since I was 12? I don’t think so. They tell me they miss so much and so on, and when I’m here they treat me like I’m this useless spoiled person who should change completely. Fuck you, you brought me up like this, if it doesn’t suit you just leave me alone. I’m not a stupid puppet you can shout to and control, I am a fucking person and I have feelings too... I know that one of these days I’m going to end up crying in front of them and I’ll try it to explain all these things to them and they’ll just start saying as they always do “How can you say that! Haven’t we loved you enough? Don’t you see how much we love you!”, basically they’re going to say it’s all bollocks and I make drama out of everything and that I cry too much.
I want to be somewhere else, I want to be somewhere else.