August 2003 Archives

Today I was watching an interview with Jay Kay and the guy asked him if he was a gardener; Jay Kay was like "Uh, no, not really... Well, actually... I grow skunk!". I was already laughing so hard, and then he went on saying "Yeah, my favourite thing lately has been to walk around Sheperd's Bush with a joint", and the interviewer asked "Have you tried it yet?". XD
I've downladed like one third of Sim City 4, in what, 36 hours? I'm never going to finish it... ^^;;; Damn you slow connection (when I left home my parents changed from a normal cable connection to a slow one, like 128kb)!!!
I've been working on the new layout, which features Nana Oosaki in the green green grass smoking a cigarette, lyrics from Kyo (download Kyo! They're the best! Je cours, Le chemin, Derniere danse and Envoyer tout en l'air are fantastic, and the singer is so sexy in that nerdish way!) and lots of green fonts and so on. I'm warning you, I'm not going to change it for a looooong time. I'm trying to make it as good as I can so that I can use it for a while...
My brother hasn't been using my computer at all. I'm impressed. Very much so.
I've planned a really nice compilation thingy... I mean, it's nothing really because I really suck at making compilations, but it has lots of good stuff. I'll post it tomorrow. :)
The Winter is back, it's friggin' cold here! Like 15 degrees! Compared to Croatia it's like being in (on?) the North Pole.

My brother is arriving tonight so I expect my computer to be "occupied" for the next couple of days, possibly until 2 at night. *sniff*
I'm trying to download Sim City 4 through Kazaa, but I think it's going to take a rather long time... Can you imagine downloading two 700 mega (well, is it mega in English? Ehm...) files at the incredible speed of 8 kb/s in total (between the two files)? But I've already downloaded more than 80 mega for each one and I really want the damn game, so fuck it...
I bought some marvellous pots for the flat, they're so... Nana looking! They're white and they have strawberries on them, kawaiiiiiii! It's like the two glasses with strawberries in Nana... Mmh... By the way, I've finished reading it again, and I love it even more now... *___* Now I should read Last Quarter and Gokinjo, really.
I need to dance so much. It's weird, every single time I hear any kind of music I just start dancing, I can't resist. *lol* Aaaah, I can't wait. Yeah, I know, I keep saying the same shit over and over again, but this is my blog, so... Who cares! :p
[edit] Well, you know, I was reading some old entries, and my favourite outfit is always the same. A pair of nice, comfy trousers, a (possibly white) t-shirt and a big coloured scarf. And stripey socks! ;) [/edit]

I finally got the virus everybody is talking about, but it's already gone! Bwahahahah! Thank you Uraner. :)
Today I got plants for my room with my mum. A ficus and three red gingers to put with my two bamboos... So cute!!! >__< I want to have lots of plants in my new flat... They'll all die, but I'll try hard, I swear!
Tonight I went to a Brezilian restaurant with my parents and my mum's best friend. It was sooooooooo good. I got xinxim chicken which is chicken with some weird sauce with coconut and stuff, and fried bananas, and mangoes sorbet... *yum* And the waiters... I cannot describe how fucking fit the waiter was... Alessandro (my mum asked for his name, ihihih), I want to marry youuuuuuuuuu! My hormones are gone mad, I know, but you know, it's been more than two months now! Two months! London, I'm cooooooooming! Apart from all the craziness, I'm in a weird mood again. I don't know, I guess I just can't be happy here. Who knows...
"Well it's true that we love one another - I love Jack White like a little brother..." That's the next cd I have to listen to properly, The White Stripes. And after that a couple of Placebo cds... Jolly good, jolly good...
[edit] Aaaaaaaaaah seems like a proper Summer thunderstorm is coming! I've been waiting for one for the whole Summer! Yuuuhuuu! Yeah, ok, I'm weird, and then what? ;) [/edit]

It all started... A very long time ago, which isn’t actually true, because it only was two weeks ago, nothing else, but well...

I mean, I've already written 2500 words (it's an essay, it's like my economics essays last year for fuck's sake!) of my "holiday report" and I'm only half-way through. Sniff. ;__; It's going to take longer than what I expected... See, this can make you understand how busy and full my week in Croatia was! But you know, I'm not really writing all this for someone else; that's why it's taking so long, I'm trying to put down every detail, every single thing I can remember about it, because I really want to save what happened during that week. So, it's really just for me! :)
Nana is so beautiful. I'm reading it all over again, and Ai Yazawa is just a genius, I have to say it, such a genius! I want a girlfriend like Nana Oosaki... *__*
How the fuck do you translate "figura di merda" in ANY language, not just in english, any language???
This was my question of the year. Farewell my friends.

I'm still writing the whole thing about Croatia, it's just... Hard, to put it down in words, and it just doesn't show how good it was. But well.
Monday Mission!
1. When was the last time you helped out a friend in need? What was going on that made you want to help? Jana! I went to Venice with her to yell at bank people in Italian and help her with her visa. I wanted to help because... Well, because she's my friend, what other reason should I have?
2. Are you a "pet" person? Do you like to keep pets or would you rather not bother with them? Why? I would love to have pets but I am really not a pet person, because I'm just too lazy. Ah ah ah.
3. In a dating or married relationship, is it possible to change someone to be more like you want them to be? Have you tried to or had someone try to change you? How did it turn out? You can change minor things when in a relationship, but you cannot change anything big, that is part of that person... I've tried to change someone and I had someone trying to change me, but it just didn't work out.
4. In your opinion, why is it that some married people have affairs? Is it ever justified? Oh... I really don't know. I guess humans are not made to be monogamous. Probably. Let's say it's something I'm still trying to understand...
5. Do you tend to make the same mistakes over and over? Got any examples? Oh God, yes. I always make the same mistakes. Like buying clothes I won't wear, lol.
6. What do you find distracts you the most when you are trying to concentrate? My own head! I just tend to start thinking about stupid shit and lose concentration.
7. What do you know "now," that you wish you knew "then?" Mmh... So many things! About love, about life, about relationships, about families. Way too much stuff. No wonder I made so many mistakes.
I've been putting away manga. I remembered so many things... It's weird how long ago it seems to be, when I was 13... My life has changed so much, and I'm such a different person now, because I've been more honest to myself in the past year, and I've admitted things about myself that I didn't want to admit before.
Today I've been downloading Travis, Doves, Stereophonics and Radiohead. And I'll go on tomorrow. I need to refine my musical tastes. *lol*
I really should start a new layout... To celebrate the start of a new year in London! Yay! Another... 17 days or so. I'm counting.

I'm slowly writing the very long entry. The one where I explain everything that has happened to me in Croatia, you know. It's taking longer than what I expected, and it's not as good as I wanted it to be, but I'm really trying hard to write about everything, to remember all the small details, it's not easy you know... It's just that I don't want to forget anything, I really don't want to! So, well, you'll see it in a couple of days probably!
Apart from that, I've been tidying up my room... I really need to put away some of my manga (can you say manga for plural or do you have to say mangas?), all this shit I won't read again because it's really just shit, and I don't want to throw away because it's still money, and I can't sell here because it's in italian. I guess I'll just put it away and one day in some way I'll bring it back to Italy and sell it somewhere... Golden boy, Slam Dunk (it's not that I don't like it, it's just that I only have half of the issues and I don't really feel like reading it again), Vampire Princess Miyu, various semi-hentai stuff that really sucks, Kahn, After School Adventure, Nana (not THAT Nana, not Ai Yazawa, are you mad, some other very stupid Nana), and some other stuff. It's just that I don't have any space left at all, fuck, 1260 volumes take up LOTS of space...
My life is going to be a continuous battle against space! *lol*

I'm getting so very excited about the flat... I called Sophie and so I've found out lots of stuff. Already, I love the address, Grove House, Stamford Grove West, and it was really important to me to have a nice address, I'm silly like that...
So yeah, anyway. It's on the third and top floor of an old house (stairs, fuck! I can already imagine, getting home really drunk or something, lol XD), two double bedrooms, small kitchen and bathroom and a big sitting room. There's a bit of a communal garden around (lotsa barbeques around! Yeah!), and a couple of big parks and a cemetary not too far away. Small shops (green grocer, news stand) are just down the road and two Safeways are 5 minutes away (so weird, just two Safeways, lol). Church Street is not too far either, and apparently it's full of nice pubs, restaurants, bars, shops, etc. There are buses going to Angel, King's Cross and Euston and an overground railway line going to Liverpool Street. Lol, I've never been to this place and I already know everything... ;) Apparently Stoke Newington has always been an area of bohemiens and dissidents! Yay! XD
I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait. We can only move in on the 12th but well, it's going to be so exciting... XD I'll be going to London a couple of days beforehand, probably.
I just want to see London and everybody again, I can't believe it, another whole year in front of me... Sono assolutamente frenetica, e come cazzo lo traduco frenetica in inglese? Anyway, I'm here, I can't wait to be there, and everything is going to be so damn huge.

I luv' this song! Kekeke.
Anyway, I'm finally in Paris... The damn tgv last night was stuck in a tunnel for 3 hours and after that we had to change trains, and if you have any idea of how my family travels normally (2 suitcases per person) you also understand what that means... But well, I'm here, finally, and...
NEWS, VERY VERY VERY IMPORTANT, I passed all of my exams! With the following marks:
Development conditions and experience - 56%
Cultural foundations of South East Asia - 55%
Comparative economic growth in Asia and Africa - 52%
Vietnamese I - 52%
Very happy indeed, yes very happy indeed.
And Sophie found our flat in London (I really have to call her) and I'm here, and I don't know what to think really, I'm just happy and I've got so much stuff to write about, and fuck, I got into my girly shit again, but I'll never tell you who it is about, and it doesn't matter anyway.
Life is beautiful and that's it because I need to unpack and I've got so many damn clothes and manga to sort out. *lol*

So, I'm in Rijeka right now. More things happened to me in the last days than in the rest of my life, really.
I've met some amazing people, truly amazing, and lots of random people, and I've got a couple of plans for the future, such as a special school and a club with earphones and Japanese music... But it's a long story, so expect a very very very very long entry when I get back.
By the way, I'm 19 and haven't had the time to realize it yet. And I couldn't have wished for a better birthday present than the past week!
Kekeke. Good morning world.

When I hear this song, I don’t know why, but I just cry. I only need to hear the first notes and my eyes fill up with tears. Maybe it’s because it reminds me of Cruel Intentions, one of my favourite movies; maybe it’s because, in the end, I am someone who’s more often sad than happy, I have this big chunk of sadness in me which will never go away. That thing that makes me to cry even when I don’t need to, that thing that makes me think so much and makes me see things this way... Who knows? My mum often tells me how she used to be a very melancholic girl when she was my age; maybe I got it from her. Mmh. What I always ask myself, am I unique in my own way, or is there someone else in this world who sees things exactly like me? How different are we really from each other? All of us in this world... There must be a girl, somewhere, who’s thinking the same things I think... Or not? I always ask myself these questions that have no answer and they won’t ever have an answer, how sad is it.
Well, anyway, I’ve been in my usual “weird” mood in the past couple of days, don’t really know why. Everything seems so blurry again, and it’s weird how London seems so far away in time right now, I mean, how my year in London seems to be ages away, years instead of months... And I know it’ll become only more blurry as time goes by, and I know it’s never going to be true because it was too special, but I feel like, one day, it’s going to be lost forever. All the feelings, the things I’ve done, the mistakes, the successes, and just all the ordinary things, they might just disappear one day, I might forget... I know it won’t happen, I know, but the only thought of it is scary, that things last for such a short time and we just forget about them, and time passes and we don’t even know what we did anymore.
I like to write like this, freely, without really connecting things together, just putting words down as they come out from my little, crazy head. Sometimes I wish I was a good writer, someone who can write properly, and make people feel what I feel and really understand what I mean... Can you learn to write like that? I don’t think so, I think it’s something you are born with, the ability to share feelings with people, through writing or anything else...
So, I am leaving the house tomorrow (I am writing this before going to sleep and I will post it tomorrow). It’s always hard to leave places you love, isn’t it? Even if something better is coming up, and for me there are loads of good things coming up, so good oh yes so good... But it’s sad to leave this room, because I really do love it. Well, anyway, I probably won’t be able to post much for the next 10 days... It sounds like my little week in Croatia is going to be so nice, going around and sleeping on beaches, something I’ve never done in my life! I can be such a little spoiled brat... :)
Anyway, I wish you all two really good weeks! I’ll be back in Paris on the 22nd, and then I’ll start packing again... Exciting and boring at the same time, lol! But well, in the end this Summer went faster than what I thought, and I even tanned a bit! Kekeke.
I’m gonna fight them off, a seven nation army couldn’t hold me back... (well, yeah, I don’t really know if he says that in the song, but fuck it, I felt like writing it down, I love this song, reminds me of one afternoon, the Duck & Dive in ULU, Freddie & James...)
[edit] Hey, think of me on the 16th! Please? It's my birthday, we're gonna party like it's my birthday! Well, yeah... Right, whatever. [/edit]

This is my 600th entry since October 2002! Not bad ah? :)
So, apparently that cute English guy told his mum he kinda liked me, or something like that. Kekeke. My ego is fiiiiiine.
It's so hot I can't even sleep at night. Horrible horrible horrible. In the end we're leaving for Croatia on wednesday, we're taking the ferry to Split and I'm meeting Jana there. After that we'll see Dubrovnik and take the ferry all the way back to Rijeka! It's going to be good fun, and I'm meeting Rene' and Maya (probably)! Very happy indeed.
My birthday is next week. I can't quite believe it... Nineteen! Let's hope it's going to be even better than Eighteen!
Ah, by the way, I passed the year. I still don't know if I passed Vietnamese, I could have failed it, but I passed the year and I don't care about the rest! :)

Life goes on, my aunt left yesterday, I’m on (more or less) good terms with my parents again, it’s hot hot hot again... Only another week left here, and then Croatia... I can’t wait to see Jana again, and this place she’s working at seems so nice... And I’ll stay in a camp, with a tent and everything, for the first time in my life, eheheh.
I’m terribly worried about flat huting, Sophie just emailed me saying it’s been very difficult and she’s going back to London again on the 15th. I have to call her sometimes soon, and I also need to call Jana to sort out the last details. Change of plans, we’re going around Croatia with her boyfriend! Hey, it’s going to be madness! :)
Whoa, one month left before London. One month is really nothing at all (and I’m listening to Rise and fall which reminds me terribly of London and my last night at the Fridge, and specifically of that guy, Matt, for no apparent reason)...
I’ve come to the conclusion that my little house here (I sleep in a separate house which has two bedrooms and one bathroom) has the biggest population of spiders I’ve ever seen. If you know me you know I’m shitless scared of spiders because an embarrassing, ehm, episode of my childhood when a spider bit me on the ass. Yeah, well, everybody has his funny stories. Maybe I shouldn’t write about this? Anyway, I’ve already had a spider crawling on my arm while I was taking a shower, a spider who decided to take my towel as his favourite residence, spiders living on my curtains, spiders going around my bed, etc. It’s horrible, sniff. Do you know that in our lifetime we eat (without noticing, in our sleep) an average of eight spiders? It’s disgusting!
I was very pleased to find a couple new manga in the newsagent at the station yesterday (oh yeah, my aunt left, by the way)... So I’ve got a new issue of Nana (Nana! Nana! I love this layout to death but I can’t wait to have a new layout with Nana, I’m obsessed, I’m even thinking the same pictures again, because they’re so wonderful...), which is not coming out again until February, sniff, and new issues of Fruits Basket and Karekano. I’ve decided that they’re some of my favourite manga, definitely. I’m such a girl, I only like pure shoujos.... :)
I was thinking the other day, I haven’t even smoked ONE pack of cigarettes in more than a month. Could you believe it? In London I got to one pack a day (well, I was “helped” by a couple of people, lol).
Babbling away, as usual. I’m not keeping up with my emails at all, I really should reply to lots of people... I’ll do it this week before leaving for Croatia... Obviously, Croatia = no computer, because I really don’t need it (it’s so nice to travel without a damn laptop with you at all times!). I’m also thinking of leaving my mobile with my parents because it doesn’t work in Croatia anyway. I’ve had this idea of travelling without anything of value, just clothes, books and a toothbrush. It would be fantastic... I’ve been travelling with way too much stuff lately, it’s so annoying.
AAAAH! I’m babbling away again. Sorry, sorry! Gotta go and post this now. Love you all out there.
Ehi, grazie Daniel per il messaggio (certo che mi ricordo di te! Che roba strana, ma come l'hai trovato il mio sito???), e Fabio, se ti faccio cosi' schifo non rompere i coglioni e vai a lasciare commenti da qualche altra parte. E non dire stronzate per piacere, che di me non sai un cazzo... Grrr. Bravo, adesso mi hai fatto incazzare!!!

I had a huge fight with my parents and now I've got the puffiest eyes ever and they're as big and red as tomatoes.
I am going with my parents to Split for two or three days on the 10th; then I am going to join Jana in the camp where she works and spend a good 10 days there. After that I'll only have 10 days before I leave for London again. My brother's flat in Notting Hill is empty for the whole month because he has already moved into a new flat in Maida Vale but is still paying the old one. Shit. But it's only for August...
I don't know what to think. About this thing with my parents I mean. I am incredibly confused and I don't know who's wrong, if there's someone who's wrong, what is the problem... I don't know. I just don't know.