November 2003 Archives

Ok, I apologise for being so melodramatic at the beginning of the week... Let's just say that a couple of things went wrong and because of various factors (not exactly legal ones *erm*) I wasn't feeling too well. At all.
But I feel a lot better now, I finally got a more positive attitude and I'm trying not to stress too much about stuff. Everything is going to be fine! I have loads of work for uni, a presentation and an essay next friday and another essay the friday after that, but I'm confident that I'm going to do fine (and I'm not going out this week end nor next week end, so I've got a lot more time)... I'm getting into my subjects a lot more, I'm actually doing loads of interesting things (well, apart from one course - the lecturer is soooo fit and he has a very sexy accent, but he's bloody boring), so I'm quite satisfied.
Let's say that finally getting together my espresso machine has been helping things going smoothly. Bwahahah. Lavazza mon amour.
Concerning my relationship... It's not easy. It's not as good as I'd like it to be... I think we both have issues when it comes to relationships, and only seeing each other once a week is not helping... Some things will have to change in some way, because I'm not ready to invest myself in something that will only be part-time. I'm trying to sort things out in my head, and I guess he needs some sorting out too, so I don't know. As I've already said I really hope it works, because I really really really do like him and I've already put so many feelings in this things that stopping it now would... Well, he would make me very depressed. It would make me feel like shit for quite a while. So, there you go. Don't I almost sound mature in this paragraph? *lol* Don't worry, I'm still a freak, this is just my being-an-adult facade! Eheheh.
So, yeah... Life is definitely better. Thanks for the comments! ;)

I feel like I'm falling into this black hole and I'm never going to get out of it.
I don't know who is messing more with my head, him or me, I just know that right now the situation is not good and I feel like shit...
I don't know what to say really. I like him but he's being, well, to tell the truth, a bit of a bastard, and I'm my usual self, a moaning little girl who doesn't have the courage to do anything useful.
Sorry guys, no more positive energy from me, at least for the moment. Life is complete shit right now.

But if you think you're gonna get away from me
You better change your mind
You're going home
You're going home with me tonight...
I know, this song is absolute shit, but I love it... And they were playing at Bar Rumba, Halloween night = Ryan and I getting together, so... See, I am a romantic fool in the end!
Let me hold you
Girl caress my body
You got me going crazy
You turn me on
Turn me on...
Eheheh. Going for some more shopping with my mum (I love coming home <- spoiled little bitch that I am) and then... Back on the Eurostar, again! I seriously need some rest. And I won't get any until... Well, Thursday. And this week end we're going out properly again... SE1, I can't wait! Infected Mushrooms... It's going to be wicked but TIRING. And I've got two essays due in the next 4 weeks... Argh.
Let's not think about all this stuff ok? ^_^;

Baby, I miss you...
Yes, I am turning into a little romantic fool, what can I say? Eheheh. I can't wait for the end of the week to come, when I'll see him again... Seriously, this is not normal, I'm worrying about it too much.
I really wanted to call him but only the phone in the entrance is working here, so... Oh yeah by the way, I'm at home in Paris *ops*, I forgot to say! So I don't want my parents to hear anything, they know I kind of have a boyfriend but I don't want them to know any more than that. Too much questions and too much stress. Why do I get so stressed about everything???
A couple of days ago I went to Camden, and bought some really nice stuff... A 'psycho bitch from hell' badge, a red wrist band with white polka dots, and two pair of indian/70s earrings, very cool. I love Camden, it's bloody expensive but it has so much cool stuff... Yesterday I went out with my mum and got a pair of Miss Sixty jeans for 50 euros, I rock! Eheheh. They're very cool, big flares and very low cut. I'm trying to decide what I want for Christmas, and the list is getting longer and longer. A pair of Levi's (mine are literally falling to pieces), a nice coat (like a short coat that is not as heavy as my big purple coat), a big hoodie (I need it for when I go to raves and I leave my stuff around, and it's a lot more comfy than a jacket, and warmer too, so I can wear just a t-shirt under it)... Then I want a new shisha because I miss not having my own shisha terribly! And maybe a new pair of trainers, I would like to have some cool, girly Vans or something (my white&pink Adidas are falling to pieces too, I need new raving trainers)... Bwahahah. I love Christmas. It's the best (and yes, I am damn spoiled when it gets to presents, I admit it)! ^_^;
Anyhow... I am already going back to London tomorrow afternoon, which is a bitch. Staying here for only 2 days is horrible... And I also lost three hours or so at the hairdresser, such a headache! But I'm all blonde and pretty again, so I'm happy. ;) I seriously need a webcam too... Maybe I should get one for Christmas? *lol*
I've been writing too much, babbling too much, really. I need to get the internet at home, I miss writing stuff in my blog and lj. Mmh... It's 25 quid every month though, brrr. Why is fucking money so difficult? Living in a flat has been involving SO many more expenses, it's quite ridiculous. Bills bills bills... Gas, electricity and water, I didn't even know you had to pay for water. *lol* Terrible.
Oh shit, I started babbling again. So, yeah, bye! ;)
[edit] By the way, I'm exactly 19 years and 3 months old today. Time goes way too quickly... It's scary isn't it? And I should start using 'innit'... *lol* Best thing ever. Apparently my accent in English is changing from 'posh' to 'north london'. Funny funny... Bye again! [/edit]

I've had a veeeeeery busy week and haven't been able to post at all, I'm sorry... You would think I spent my reading week working on my essay and so on, wouldn't you? Well, you're wrong!!! Bwahahah. Actually I'm in the library right now, doing my readings (mental note: Vanina for fuck's sake you have to read quickly, the essay is due on Wedsneday afternoon).
So, to make it short, I spent most of last week with Ryan, going to the cinema, drinking, smoking, sleeping (and -erm- other stuff), having fun, falling for this guy. Yes guys, I admit it, I'm falling for him and it's damn scary but damn good at the same time... :)
As usual I'm being way too paranoid about it, which is bad bad bad... It's just that for once, it's working, we like each other, and I'm scared that it will completely fuck up in some way, I don't know how why and when, but it's going to fuck up. At the same time I know that I have to work hard on it, to make it go on, and everything... I don't know, I'm still pretty confused about the whole thing, it's just so new and unexpected...
My favourite comment about it: me telling Sander & Philip that I got a boyfriend and Kirsty going "Yes, Vanina is finally getting laid". Bwahahahah. Ah. Ah. True. ^_^
Anyway, my week has been focused mostly on getting a good start with Ryan, so I haven't done much. Went to cinema to see The Matrix: Revolutions, which in my opinion was quite shit (I almost got bored a couple of times), but oh well... I knew it wouldn't be in any way as good as the first one, but I think it's possibly worse than the second one. Blah. I obviously went to see the first screening, 2 pm on the 5th of November. Eheheh.
But let me think... So, I got with Ryan of Friday night (Halloween, spooky ah?), went back to his house (poor parents) in Enfield (zone 6, miiiiiiiles away), went back to Stokey on Saturday, then watched tv and read (American Gods is wicked, and Geisha of Gion is pretty good too) for a couple of day, went back to Enfield on Tuesday, spent the night and the whole of Wednesday there, came back to Stokey, chilled out until Saturday, Dee & Ryan came down on Saturday night, went to the Renaissance Rooms for a veeeery good night of Psychedelic Trance, went back to Enfield after that (8.30 on Sunday morning), spent the whole of Sunday sleeping/chilling out, and here I am. I feel quite tired, but I really need to work on this damn essay, which is shiiiit, I don't wanna do it, I wanna be lazy, blah blah blah. I've been in the library for hours and I've done almost no work, ops.
As you can read I am in a rather bubbly mood, eheheh. I've been like this for the past week, just being happy and listening to music and reading, it's been great... But I have this horrible week in front of me (presentation+essay+going back home for the week-end) and I really can't find the energy to do it. So I'll probably end up being in a bad mood and doing everything I have to do, instead of being in a good mood and not doing anything. Oh dear God I'm talking complete rubbish... Eheheh.
I really needed to write a nice, long, nonsensical post you know? Going out & writing are my favourite outlets for stress, they help me so much. I think that since all this stuff happened with Ryan I've written some 20 (or even more) pages in my funky notebook from Barcelona... I'm mad eh?
So, yeah. I've exhausted my bubbliness for today. What can I say? I'm V, I'm happy and I have a boyfriend. Eeeeeeeeh! ;)

It's happening!
Basically... I'm not messing around with my own head anymore, and it's because of one person... I won't say much more because... Well, because. I'm going to see him right now, and I'm very happy...
You know, it's so weird how you always try to find something that is worth effort and everything, and when it finally comes you're not expecting it. At all...
Eheheh. I'm actually ashamed of myself, I've turned all girly and bubbly... Last night I was trying clothes on while listening to East 17, LOL!!! Very sad indeed. But I'm happy so who cares if my friends are losing all respect for me... Argh.
Anyway, I'll try to post sometimes this week (it's reading week by the way, no lectures! yay!) and... Be happy and smile because I am! XD