Yes, indeed, I'm in Paris again, with an internet connection again, and wanting to go back again... The last three weeks went so quickly, between essays and everything else... But let's start from the beginning!
I ended up finishing my essay on Friday morning (and yes, I missed all of my lectures), I handed it in and finally went home and relaxed... With a couple of spliffs, that's it (eheheh). Just watching stupid telly and so on. On Saturday Ryan came over in the afternoon (after work, poor baby, he was well tired), and then we went out... As usual it was Soph, Paul, me, Ryan, Dee and Sophie (she's a friend of Soph's from Cornwall who goes to SOAS as well). Sinergy Project (at SeOne) is BY FAR my favourite psychedelic trance night in London. It had one psychedelic trance room, one room with weird world music and the rest were chill out rooms, with lots of cushions, a tent (!), stuff like that. Like I always do I got a bit silly and sat down quite a lot, but it was so nice, all of us, just talking and enjoying each other's company, drinking tea (tea at a rave, how cool is that???). For once I sat down with Ryan quite a lot, which was nice, and with Dee, who I love more and more (he's such... A special person, I don't know how to explain it...). It was a wicked night, so chilled and nice, and I danced non-stop for a good couple of hours (I lost another kg - so I went from about 75 kg not even six months ago to 69 kg now, like that, for no reason, and I'm not putting them back)... Then we all went back to our flat, sat there drinking and smoking and talking (actually, I went to sleep for a couple of hours, lol) until Sophie, Dee and Ryan left... I've accepted the fact that after he's been raving Ryan doesn't really want to go to sleep or stuff like that, so it was alright...
Yesterday I went up to Enfield because I had nothing to do and Ryan hadn's gone to college... We just talked and talked and talked, about ourselves, how we feel around relationships, why sometimes it goes wrong between us, and once again I felt that... Connection, I don't know, this feeling inside me that makes me think that we have to work this out... I love tha fact that we just talk about anything, and we listen to each other, and we try to understand each other... It's just that for once I feel like we're completely equals, that we both feel like we're on the same level and neither of us has more 'power' than the other, and we can just talk without worrying about losing face or anything. We've told each other things we don't usually tell to other people... It's just... I don't know, so nice, I still can't believe it and I still don't know what's going on in my head and in my heart... If have to tell the truth I feel like I'm falling deeper and deeper into this, and even though I'm scared of getting hurt or hurt him I can't help but go on, I have no choice, I can't let go...
(and I was thinking, Ryan knows about the blog, and if he reads this I'm going to feel well embarassed... Oh well, what can I do?)
Anyway, after that he decided that he wouldn't go to college today either, so he came back to Stokey with me (and cooked, which was nice, and quite sexy as well - lol) and came to the station with me this morning... I'm going to miss him so much in these 10 days, especially because if I was in London I could see him a lot more often than what I normally do as we're both on holiday... Oh well. Hopefully it will go very quickly...
What can I say? I'm scared and I'm happy and I wanna be back with my baby... I'm going to miss all those little things he does that just make me... Like him so much...
(I really am turning into a romantic fool - and I've been listening to Will Young's new song as well, dear me ^^;)