January 2004 Archives

My computer is just soooo taking the piss now. I was all ready to format, and guess what? It won't let me do it, something having to do with the volume being used by another process, blah blah blah. So now I really don't know what to do. I need to get my ex on the phone and make him explain what's going on. I can't bring it back to the shop because the guy who runs it seems to be completely useless. *sniff* This is hell.
I finally went to Chinawhite (aka the poshest club in London) on Tuesday night, for Kunal's birthday. It was full of girls wearing almost no clothes and guys groping them. A complete sex market thing. It was disgusting, and the cheapest thing to drink was a glass of shit wine for 4.50 £. Blah. Can't wait to go to Fabric tonight, definitely more normal! And I get to listen to some good Drum & Bass instead of shit R'n'B. Mmh. ^__^
In the last few days I've been feeling like shit, mentally (I can't pretend I'm really over him because I'm not, and it's all hitting me now) and physically (I've had this damn headache for about 10 days now, maybe it's brain cancer). Feeling slightly better now but I need to wake up and do something about my life, it's just not working.
I can't wait to be able to put online the pictures from when it snowed. London with the snow was absolutely amazing, and for an afternoon I felt like a kid again, running around and building a (shit) snowman and playing with snowballs. It made me so happy. I wish I could be like that all the time...

I'm leaving in 4 hours. Mmh. All on my own, boring (but I can go out and buy tobacco now).
And gues what? It's snowing. I've finally seen snow this year. Yay! XD
[edit] It's more like snowy rain, it's cold and it's terribly WET. Brrr. I've done everything I had to do, now I only need to burn a cd and then... I can procrastinate for another two hours and eat some risotto (my mum makes the best risotto *yum*). I have 325 £ for about... Two weeks and four days? My parents are always exaggerated like that! Suddendly, between Christmas and all these small extras, I have loads of money. I think it's more or less the first time in my life I have this much money. Ehm. I seriously should get a job, think about all that pocket money... And money for holidays... *__*
It sucks though. Everything revolves around money doesn't it? Mmh... Blah.
So, yeah. In about 3 hours I'll be out of this flat, in 4 hours I'll be on the eurostar and in 7 hours I'll be in London. Mmh. Hey! XD [/edit]

It's so cold outside, suddendly. I was walking down this weird bridge which goes over a cemetary, with all the lights from Paris around me, and I only needed a cigarette to make that moment perfect. *lol* And freeze my hand as well.
After not going to the cinema for about 3 months I've been 3 times in 4 days... Lost in Translation was amazing, I loved it so much. I really like the actors (Scarlett Johansson is so cute, you just want to hold her really tight), and all the things about Japan and Japanese people are just so funny... The story itself is so well constructed, and so... Not exactly romantic, let's say... Touching, and sentimental. Almost nostalgic. How two people meet and fall for each other, but nothing happens... It's so much more realistic than any other American film. And I love Giovanni Ribisi as well, even if he's in the film for about 5 minutes (I love his 'I'm just a bit confused' roles *lol*). Obviously the film made me want to go to Tokyo SO MUCH. The views are amazing, and the streets, it all looks so... Interesting, and weird. And the karaoke as well!!! *lol* I can't wait to go to Japan... Who knows when it's going to happen...
After the cinema I went to a Japanese restaurant with my dad; I had some sushi, uramaki (I love it *yum*) and chicken skewers, plus Japanese salad (what exactly is in that salad??? It's lovely...) and Miso soup. I hadn't been to a Japanese restaurant in so long! I'm really starting to enjoy sushi as well. Until a year ago I absolutely hated all fish apart from tuna... And look at me now! ;)
I'm already going back tomorrow afternoon. With a bit of luck I'll be able to connect from home as well... Or at least I hope so!!! Also, I've more or less sorted out vsp.nu; it should be back online in 2-3 days maximum, as soon as the DNS changes. Fingers crossed for everything! Nope, sorry. vsp.nu is back online! Enjoy! ;)

So, I've decided to put a disclaimer on this page, permanently. It's just that it pisses me off too much that someone can fuck up my life just like that, someone who is supposed to respect me. Voilà.
This is my 660th post! Bloody hell, I write a lot eh? Kind of scary, how I cannot stop writing. Ever. By the time Ryan broke up with me I had 40+ pages about him on my notebook... Oh, by the way, now that I should (hopefully) have the internet in the flat in London, I've decided to transcribe here some bits and pieces from my notebook... Some of it is, imho, quite good. I hope. :)
Why don't you all download klipfolio? And look, I've got my own klip! Cat made it, with its tiny icon and everything. Isn't she a star? Eheheh. Klipfolio is too cute. And useful. Can't wait to install it on my laptop.
When I get back to London I'll have to go to a nice, big Boots and buy myself a nice shampoo... I think I might got for the Toni & Guy deals and buy myself a couple of shampoos and a conditioner or something cool like that... I can't wait. I'm becoming obsessed with shampoos!!! XD~~
Oh, and I completely forgot... I finally saw The return of the King the other day. And I absolutely LOVED it (obviously). Don't you think Faramir is incredibly fit? Legolas is as gorgeous as usual, but his role is really just... Useless. He only has to look in the distance with that intense look in his eyes and say something stupid like "I feel a bad spirit in the air" or "The horses are restless". =__= But who cares, it's Legolas! I've come to the conclusion that the best characters are Gimli (because he's so funny, for example when he told Legolas "still only counts as one though!" *lol*) and Sam (especially compared to Frodo, Sam has a lot of courage and so on). And I always love Arwen because... Mmh, she's yummy. *__* What else? Well, there are some bits I didn't really understand but I guess I'll have to wait for the extended version in dvd to get everything. Overall judgement: magnificent! I wasn't deceived. ^_^
Then yesterday I went to the cinema with my parents to watch Mona Lisa Smile, which was... Bad. ^_^; I can't believe Julia Roberts paid herself (her own company produced the film) $ 20 million for it. ^_^;; I mean, it was enjoyable, funny, and so on, but nothing special really... It was trying to be something more 'intellectual', I guess, but it didn't really work. The good thing was that it has loads of actresses I really like (Julia Stiles, Kirsten Dunst and Maggie Gyllenhaal). So, overall, it wasn't too bad. Rather entertaining.
Mmh. I'm writing a lot ain't I? Ops. :)

This is driving me mad! My laptop is already in the shop and hopefully will be alright for when I'll be back on Monday... I'm in Paris at the moment and trying to sort out my sites. So, what happened is that... Apparently my dear host (*grrr*) only accepts ONE website per account. Meaning that my account was suspended because of the Mokona fanlisting because it's another site and I'm only allowed one, this blog. What the hell is wrong with them??? So, what am I supposed to with all my subdomains and ftp accounts and all that shit? Absolutely nothing. I'm extremely pissed off. EXTREMELY. So I had to cancel my new account for vsp.nu, because, guess what, it's a bit more than just one site. I probably won't be able to get my 21£ back though which sucks. But I found another cheap-cheap host for 25$ a year, and so I sorted it out, more or less. I hope. Still pissed off though, I'll have to move the fanlisting to vsp.nu (including the mysql database which will be a pain in the ass) and wait another couple of days to upload vsp.nu again, that is, if the guy at the computer shop can sort out my laptop. X( Seriously, it's driving me MAD.
IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER FOR THAT KIND MEMBER OF MY FAMILY WHO READS THIS BLOG.
Someone in my family really cannot SHUT UP. Someone read this blog and then thought it was a good idea to go and talk about it with my parents. Well, thank you very much. Why don't you just stop being 'worried' about me and just mind your own business? This is MY life, these are MY choices, and you have no right to interfere. LEAVE ME ALONE. I don't need you, you don't even know me, why are you doing this to me? I just do not need it right now. So, please stop reading this blog, and if you really have to, keep what you read for YOURSELF. And think about your mates and your life and your choices instead of judging what I'm doing and who are my friends and what is important to me. Please respect my choices and what I want. I'm not asking for anything else. I don't care if you don't approve of what I do, because this is what I want to do. Subject closed.
So. Yeah. I am in the worst mood ever. Everything has been going wrong for a week or so, absolutely EVERYTHING. I've had a headache for a week, I've lost a brooch that my dad had given me for my 19th birthday, there is a burn on my amazing purple coat and I don't know where it's coming from, my computer is in the shop and IF they can repair it it's going to cost me a fortune, vsp.nu is still down, the Mokona fanlisting is down, my parents now more or less know that I smoke (at least they don't seem to mind that much), I've got my period and... What else? I don't know, everything is just WRONG. I'm v. pissed off. Sniff.

I feel like my life right now is a complete mess, I feel like I'm not able to control anything, I feel like stuff is happening to me without even my consent, I feel... Shit, to tell the truth. I still need to sort out my computer but I can't seem to find the energy to get it in its bag and carry it to the shop, I need to write emails, I need to take care of my friends and myself, and guess what? I'm doing nothing of all this, and I'm also doing nothing for uni, and everything is just so... Blah. It's not even shit, it's just blah.
I had such a good weekend and now I feel like this and I don't really know how and why this is happening, but what can I do? When I'm like this and I just see the negative side of everything, and I haven't even realized yet that I'm exactly where I want to be, with whom I want to be, I've got everything I've always wanted, I just... Despise myself.
Sorry if this is a depressing post, but I'm not in the mood for anything else really, I just wanted to let know the world that I'm still alive, more or less. I think.

For three days, after finishing my essays I completely stopped thinking. I needed a break from any sort of intellectual work, and I mean EVERYTHING. So I went out on Friday night and got incredibly pissed (I was almost throwing up on the bus home), and then got stoned non stop until yesterday (with Harriet and Laurie, who are here to look for a flat). It's just nice to be able not to think at all, just a blank mind and that's it.
Sadly I've got to prepare a presentation for Friday, and I've got to get my computer sorted out, so I need to get a grip and do something. Sniff. Oh well, I guess I'll cope. And I still have 200 £ left from Christmas and have to decide what to buy with that money, which is pretty exciting. Maybe a bit of shopping... Mmh... Eheheh. ^__^

It's finally over and done with, my two essays are done, I'm going to hand in the second one in a minute... FREEDOM!
Tonight I want to get pissed and/or stoned. I don't care anymore! Bwahahah!
Yeah, I've lost it... Eheheh. I just need to go out, too much stress bottled up inside me!

My computer has fucked up and so even though I've got an internet connection at home in theory, in practice I can't use it. So I'm posting from uni again, trying to avoid my next essay (three days to do it, it has to be 3000 words, I haven't read one article and I'm desperate, basically).
Wanna know something (not) funny? I'm single again. Two days after I got back Ryan broke up with me. He didn't really give me a reason apart from the fact that he's completely fucked up. I've found out stuff about him that... You can't even imagine. For a couple of days I felt like absolute shit (he's treated me badly, I can tell you that, and he has lied to me), but then... I realised, it's not my fault, I'm not the one who's wrong here. And I'm getting over it. Oh, yeah, I'll miss him, but it wasn't the most perfect relationship anyway and I sure don't want to get back with him. Among other things, on Christmas' Eve he snogged another girl in front of his mates, who all knew we were going out, and guess what? I found out this through my friends, he didn't even bother to tell me. Rather humiliating, I'm telling you.
After that I snogged someone I really shouldn't have snogged, but it made me feel so much better, to be close to someone like that. Now I'm a tiny bit confused about the whole thing, but oh well. I don't care anymore.
(if you ask me, the solution would be a nice threesome. Don't ask, it's a long story)
New Year's Eve was really good, we went to Trafalgar Square first and then crashed a squat party, weird eh??? It was wicked though, and we talked to loads of cool people and got completely trashed which is always good. As soon as I sort out my internet connection I'll post the pictures (and I've taken pictures of the flat as well, and of me being very silly)... Sadly I won't have time to sort this out until next week when essays' hell is finished... Sniff. I hope I won't have to format the hard drive, it would be a bit of a bitch (but at the same time useful, my laptop would be new and fast and nice all over again, and I would have Windows installed by myself instead of those idiots at Dell). I also seriously need to upload vsp.nu again, it's been down for far too long!
Anyway, gotta go now, hope you enjoyed the news. Sometimes I think that my life is better than Eastenders/Dallas/Beautiful/any mad soap opera you can think of. Eheheh.