March 2004 Archives

There's a David Bowie concert on. How can he still be so damn sexy? Mmh. David Bowie in its Labyrinth days, that's what I'm talking about. I seriously need to get laid, because... Well, I've noticed today, I can't stop myself, everytime I see a fit guy (and I mean even remotely fit) I just think... "I'd do him!". I know, a tiny bit vulgar, sorry, but what can I do, my hormones are just going crazy!
So, got my last readings from the library today... I was so pissed off, there was this book I'd been looking for for WEEKS, literally, and today I checked the shelf properly and found out it had fallen behind all the other books. Stupid me! I met Liz and James there, which was nice, I spoke properly to someone for the first time in three days, lol. Being all alone in the flat and with no uni is very sad indeed! Anyway, Sander came over later, and we ended up smoking a bit and sitting in Russell Square, which was lovely... Finally some nice weather, some sunshine, a hint of spring, and I'm leaving to go somewhere else. *sniff*
You know, I never know what to think... Everytime I tell someone "yeah, I'm going home to Paris and then we're going to our country house in Italy" they're like "WOW!". Well, see, for me it's really not that exciting. Ok, they are beautiful places, etc. but for me they're really not that great, because I've got nothing to do there. I'd rather be in London with my friends, time to do some work for uni properly and the possibility of going out. Nobody seems to understand me... :)
So, after some time spent in the park, I got the bus home. And was absolutely disgusted. There was this kind of middle-eastern guy (I'm guessing, that's what he looked like) waiting there. You know, the sort of 40 year old smelly/rather repulsive kind of guy. So we're at the bus stop, and I keep noticing that he's staring at me. Intensely, with a kind of... Rapacious look. In a sexual way. By this point I'm slightly annoyed. The bus gets there, and it's empty because the route only starts at Euston. The guy actually FOLLOWS me and sits next to me (not without looking at me first and giving me a sleazy smile). LIKE I'D GO FOR YOU, YOU SMELLY FREAK! Then he kept staring at me and at my book for the whole journey, approximately 40 minutes. I couldn't wait to get off, I'm telling you. I have to admit, at one point I was actually scared that he was going to follow me home or something. Brrr.
My bags are more or less packed. For once I'm travelling quite light (for my standards). I've got a trolley suitcase (is that what they're called???), a not-too-big bag and my eastpak with my laptop. It's quite good for three weeks! I'm not bringing that many clothes because I've got some in Paris, and I don't need stuff like socks (need to buy some new ones anyway) and jumpers (between me and my mum, we've got enough, both in Paris and Italy). Tomorrow morning I'll check how the weather is in Paris and decide whether I should bring a coat or not... I should bring back one of my winter coats, really, but we'll see.
For once, I feel quite organised.
Random question: have people stopped commenting because I'm boring or what? Paranoia is settling in. And it's settling in for other things as well... I think James reads this now. After a couple of comments he made, I'm almost convinced of it actually. Oh well. *lol* There's no stopping people finding out about this place is there? But most people I don't mind, really. The days of panic are over! :)

So, I've been busy doing nothing for two days, which was great... But today I have to go to the library and get some readings for my essays and revision... Blah! I don't think I'll get to revise much during the holidays... I'll have SO much work to do when I get back... One thing is sure, I won't be going out until exams are over. It sucks. *sniff* It's just that I can't bring too much stuff with me to Paris, because it will mean carrying it to Italy as well, on trains, cars and planes. *ehm* Why am I going home for so long, why? I should have been back a while before the 17th, but Easter is on the 11th so... Shit, if only I could change my ticket back for a couple of days before, but I can't because it's a cheap ryanair ticket and I would have to change it. Sucks sucks sucks.
Program for the day from now on: bath, a bit of Pharaoh, cook lunch, go to uni, get my shit together, buy pens and folders, pay the water bill, come home, pack. I hate packing. I really do. And I'll have to use a suitcase with wheels and one without, which means a lot of sweating for me tomorrow. HEEELP!
[edit] Just checked my uni email. The assessment boycott is over! YES YES YES! My essays will be marked and so will my exams. YES! My second year of uni won't be fucked up... *lol* Don't get me wrong, I completely agree with the whole AUT campaign (teachers SHOULD be paid decently, come on), but I really didn't want it to fuck up my marks for this year... Because it would have meant that some of my essays and exams wouldn't have been marked til next year... Phew. [/edit]

Isn't it shit when you're all on your own and the only things on tv are a Blue concert and football and rugby?
Had a nice bath because I really needed to give myself a soak. I was hoping it would be good for my back because right now... I'm just a load of tense muscle. I seriously am - last week Paul tried to give me a shoulder massage and said he's never seen someone so tense. I guess that when I think I'm not stressed I actually am and it all goes into my back... Poor me. I think I'll try to convince my mum to pay for an hour of professional massage for me, it's really starting to hurt too much.
Last night was nice... I can't believe Dee is 25, he's only 1 year younger than my brother and it really doesn't feel like it. I got some pictures, the first ones are a bit blurry because I forgot the flash, but well. So I'm going to update the gallery today and put all the pictures from Venice and last night up. I do love having a digicam. Anyway, as I was saying, it was quite nice to see those guys - all of Paul's friends are really sweet you know. Dee and Ryan have dreaded their hair, it looks a bit weird at the moment, and... It makes me laugh, they're becoming hippies. *lol* It was a bit weird, as usual, but no matter how much shit those two have put me through, I can't help but really care about them.
Still trying to adapt to the fact that I'm not with Jana-babe anymore... I can't believe how much I feel like I've known her for years, lol. It's just that... How to explain, she makes me see different sides to things, but in ways that I always understand. It's inspiring. Can't wait for the summer, who knows where we're gonna end up... Eheheh.
Should get something to eat, but there's not much in the house. Pasta, cereals, a slice of cold pizza, some old chinese egg friend rice (left by Harriet and Laurie)... Nice hey? *lol*
[edit] I've uploaded the pictures! So there's a gallery for Venice and a gallery for the party last night... Enjoy. :) I'm watching a week's worth of Eastenders. Why is everybody in there so fucked up??? Siblings sleeping together, beating up, hidden sons, murders, rapes... o__O [/edit]

So I'm back in London... Paul came to pick me up at the airport, which was nice and avoided me two+ hours of coach and bus. Now I'm already going out for a houseparty, because it's Dee's birthday and apparently I'm invited and, let's face it, I could never refuse to go to a party... Eheheh.
Venice was wonderful, but you already know that. I can't even explain how much I care about Jana right now, and it's weird because we calculated that we've only seen each other for 25 days over a bit more than a year, but it feels like I've known for longer than forever. But yeah, more details tomorrow, and also I'll be putting lots of pictures up and so on. I'm getting really excited about this summer because we'll spend loads of time together (and with Rene' and people I haven't met yet but sound just so cool) and maybe, finally, I'll have a good summer. Jana has given me lots of things to look forward too... These 5 days just gave me that breath of fresh air I needed, and now I feel more confident and happy about my life.
Anyway, I have to go and eat my pizza and have a bath because I stink...

Still in Venice with my Jana darling, smoking, drinking coffee, talking, having nice food, drinking cheap wine... Last night I was scarily drunk and we spent hours playing 'I've never...' (obviously it mostly revolved about sex!) and measuring ourselves and stuff like that. I've suddendly realized that even though I've only seen René for about 2 days in my whole life I can't wait to see him again, because when it's the three of us it's just crazy. Completely. My plans for the summer are taking shape, even though my dad said that 'we have to discuss them'... Oh well. Nothing is going to stop me.
Apart from that, I haven't been this tired in a long time, but it feels like healthy tiredness, because I've been walking so much. Also, we've watched some Monty Phyton, and I can't believe I've never watched it before... The sheep! Les wheels! Le baggage! *erm* Yeah, anyway. I'm very happy, I feel refreshed. The spring is finally coming!

So I'm in Venice with my beloved-darling-Jana and we've been speaking non-stop since I got here (well, apart from sleeping) and smoking like mad and she's got a lovely roomate (Kaaaarin!) and I will buy a thingy to roll cigarettes (I can't believe I didn't know about it) and Venice is soooo pretty and everything is lovely (Jana interruption: the correct name of the thingy is Little (insert appropriate color) Machine of Ultimate Power).
Anyway, I'm posting from Jana's department which is in just the most amazing building ever, and in the next days we'll probably smoke a lot more, drink a lot of nice coffee and cappuccino, talk A LOT, drink nice cheap Italian wine and who knows! Maybe we'll end up in Australia or something. With Jana, everything could happen.
By the way, my plan for the next year is: Sweden, Croatia and Portugal in the summer, Australia for Christmas, Tanzania for Easter and South Africa for the next summer. Sounds good hey?
(Jana is inspiring when it comes to travelling)

...I don't think I've ever cried for a film so much. If you know ANYONE who hasn't cried when watching Philadelphia, please tell me. That person is a fucking rock. It was good though, I can't believe I'd never seen it properly.
Everytime I'm alone in this flat, I tend to spend a lot of time in front of the kitchen window... Now, it might seem weird, but let me explain why to you. You look outside that window, and you can see, on the far right, the church on Church Street, then the BT tower and Centre Point in centre, and on the far right Canary Warf with all its lights. And everywhere else, the roofs of London, just London til the horizon. And it amazes me. No matter what I do or how long I live here, I'll never be able to fully accept the fact that I'm here. It's London and not somewhere else. My life hasn't been easy, moving around, but now I've got it all pretty clear in my mind... Rome was my childhood. Paris my teenager years. Tuscany will always be there throughout my life with our family home. But London... It's where I came alive. It's where my life has truly started. It was my dream, and it came true. Even though I didn't really put that much effort in to make it happen, it was relatively easy, I'm still proud of myself for getting here.
No matter how much I like change, this was a fucking big change. Different country, different language, I didn't know anyone... Of course, thousands of people are in the same situation, every year, in London or anywhere else in the world. But still, I'm here. I got through.
Sometimes I wonder what is so magical about London, why I love it so much. I can't explain. There are many things about London that are absolutely shit, but I still love it. I don't think I'll ever be able to dislike this place. It just won't happen. This is where I want to end up living, and call me crazy, but I want my kids (if I ever have kids, lol) to grow up here. And have an english accent. *lol*
It's late, my eyes hurt because I've cried too much, and my bed is calling for me... Together with all sorts of naughty dreams about a couple of guys (I've had loads of those lately!). Bed, I'm coming!

Today is getting worse and worse. I'm not going out tonight, I've got nothing to do, nothing to eat, nothing to drink, nothing to watch, nothing nothing nothing.
I hate this, I hate it so much. Someone please save me... I don't wanna spend a Saturday night on my own. Bollocks. I seriously am so gutted/depressed/feeling like shit.

The term is finished, both of my essays are done and I've handed them in, which means that... I've got nothing to do! Sophie is gone to Cornwall, Kirsty to Scotland, and I'm here waiting for Monday and my plane for Venice. I should be happy but... I'm bored... There's nothing on tv, I've still got a headache from last night and apparently (I haven't spoken to them yet, but I've been told this) Ryan and Dee are both broke so I might not even be able to go out tonight. It SUCKS. Sniff. I mean, in some ways it would be better because it means I would be able to rest properly before going to Venice, pack some stuff and I would have enough money to survive those three days I'll be spending here next week. But still. I don't know. I'm confused! *lol*
Last night I ended up getting very drunk, even though I didn't really want to... I couldn't help it, I got out of my last class, got into the bar and I HAD to buy a bottle of wine. *lol* Got in there at 5 and by 7 I was gone man, I was gone. The only problem is, by 8 I was already feeling hungover, massive headache and a general feeling of being unwell. It was quite good fun in the end, but today I'm not feeling at my best. I really don't know what to do with myself...
I might as well chill out and listen to some good psy trance... As I don't think I'll hear some in a club for a while. Aaaaah. I'm even missing Psychedelic Academy because I'll be in Paris... Life sucks today.

This essay, unlike the first one, is EASY. I've done the readings properly and it's all quite clear. It's also a lot more interesting, because it adds a sociological aspect to the whole politics/economics discourse, for once. Singapore does sound like a fucked up place. *erm* It's interesting though, to see in which ways the PAP (the governing party) has found a zillion ways to control the populations... And at the same time, they've been fucking successful, with a GDP per capita of $ 23,000, fuck me! Economic prosperity but no real political freedom... Weird hey?
Anyway, as you can judge from the precedent paragraph this does really interest me so, it's quite nice... The only thing that pisses me off is that for once I could EASILY write 2500 words, but I only need 1500. *lol* I never thought I would say something like that.
I can't wait to be finished with this shit... Tomorrow uni, Saturday clubbing, Sunday recovering and packing, Monday Venice! For five days... I already know these holidays are going to go so fast, and before I know it exams will start, and I'll finish my second year of university. I can't believe it you know... It seems yesterday that I was at school waiting for this to happen, and look, now it's going so fast! What a bitch... ;)
I've been so irritable in the past few days, and for the first time in my life I've had all these bad things associated with periods... Cramps, my boobs hurt, I'm fucking hysterical and tired. Very annoying indeed. The fact that whenever we (me and Soph) were doing our essays Paul would start talking about this article he'd been reading on the papers or I don't know what else wasn't helping. *lol* Luckily Soph dragged him along to uni, so I've got a couple of hours of peace and quiet... Eheheh. XD Come on, another 600 words to go... Which is nothing, really. ;)

Essay number one aka the most boring essay in the world is done. Now I need to get cracking on the next one which I will have to write between today and tomorrow. How much fun. *sniff*
Friday night I'll be going to a Persian night with three course meal, dancers and music. Sounds good hey? I don't even know what Persian food looks like, so it should be interesting. Hopefully it's not going to be raw meat or something weird like that. *lol*
I'm going into uni later on to hand in my essay and go to my Development lecture... Today we're going to be told what our options for next year. Hopefully all of the course I want to do will be available. The three I've chosen for my Development as for now are NGO's, the third sector and development management, Gender and developement and HIV/AIDS and Development. Then I'm going to do South East Asian literatures in translation (hoping that it's going to be running next year, because it wasn't this year) and I still have space for a floater. I really don't know what to do... I could do something at SOAS, UCL, KCL or LSE... I have unlimited choice, basically... *lol* I'll start looking around... Very exciting. I could do a sociology course, or a geography one, or a media one... Options options options!
Seems like the spring is finally here... It's warm, sunny and breezy, and this flat is SO damn hot. I have to say, I can't wait to be in Tuscany, with all the flowers and daffodils and green grass. Easter is always the best time to be there, still cold but everything is blooming... Spring makes me happy (whereas winter makes me depressed most of the time, fall is boring, and summer is too hot for me to enjoy it).
Also, apparently I've lost some more weight. The fact that I haven't been eating properly for a couple of weeks (lack of food in the house, and I can't be bothered to go and buy some) has probably helped for that... My pale blue jeans that used to be really tight are now quite loose on my legs. I love it. *__* Someday I'll need to do a proper diet and start going to the gym... I'd love to be able to get to 62 or 63 kg instead of this annoying 68. It's not that I dislike myself, I don't mind really, but I know I would be like myself even more if I lost those 5 kg. Eheheh. In the end, I am a girl ain't I? I can't be happy about my weight, it's not humanly possible! *lol*

Essay writing is going... Well, if you wanna be positive, and shit, if you wanna be negative. In the sense that I've written quite a lot but it's shit. Or better, not shit but not exactly good either. I don't even care anymore, the whole subject has just bored me to death by now. I better get cracking on some work again or I'll never finish this. Let's try to make the bit about authoritarian regimes a bit more believable 'kay?
I've been talking to Dean on MSN lately, and it's so weird... I do miss him, and I really can't wait to see him again. It's weird to think about how long he's been gone... He'll be back for exams in May and June so that will be good. Eheheh.
Apart from that... Well, I've missed Home and Away this morning, but I don't really think anyone but me gives a fuck about that.

Essay not even started.
Still thinking about what to do about Val.
And I've been talking to this other guy on MSN... Mmh? :)
Tomorrow is essay writing essay writing essay writing. And now, bed. Maybe. Or music... Or my beloved notepad and writing some more. Strangely enough (I know I'm repeating myself, but it's WEIRD) I'm HAPPY at the moment. Lucky me... :)

I'm frantically doing all the readings for my Politics of Development essay, which has to be finished by tomorrow night... Then I'll have half of Wednesday and the whole of Thursday for my other essay, which should be easy as it only is 1500 words. I can't be bothered to read about Democracy and Economic Development and Authoritarian Regimes anymore. Bored bored bored. Oh well.
I keep going back to Saturday night's gallery and drool. Poor me. I don't know what to doooo... This is SO the wrong moment for this. Gotta go back to my work now. Byeeeee!
[edit] Not much work done, but it's sooooo dull. Always the same shit. Apparently me and Val entairtained Kirsty on Saturday night. Yep, she was looking at us because we were 'funny'. *lol* But she says he looked interest so I don't mind. Bwahahah. Ok, I'll stop now, because the problem is... I have to admit to myself that nothing is going to happen, and it's better like this. But the good thing about the whole situation is that I'm not depressed or unhappy. I'm in a really good mood. Lalala. Apart from my essay writing which is not going well. Or not going at all. Ops. [/edit]

Whenever I said I don't get hungover anymore, I was lying. Blatantly. Poor me. Ibuprofen is my friend... And my bed is my friend as well...
To remember: blow backs are a bad idea. Even when a really fit guy does it to you! It was a wicked night though, reminded me of houseparties last year... We started off by going to a Whetherspoons in Angel (for non-British people, Whetherspoon is a chain of very very very cheap pubs), where I had I think... Three double vodkas and one double Malibu. Eheheh. My ability to drink has improved quite a lot since last year! Kirsty, Fred and me met up first, then Myra came as well and then... Tom C. and Val. Mmh. Which was nice. We didn't leave until 11, got the tube to Manor House and finally got to the houseparty... I saw Dave for a total of 5 minutes in the whole night! I love the fact that it was his birthday party but it was at someone else's place, the poor guy is not going to be happy when he wakes up this morning! *ehm* The place was in a right mess, people throwing up, people throwing stuff around, all sorts of stuff. I didn't really meet any other people apart from the people I was with, but it was good enough for me... I spent A LOT of time talking to Val, as you can imagine, because I'm obvious like that, but it was nice as well and he didn't seem to dislike it. I don't really know what to think, because... Well, it seemed so close, but nothing happened. I got his number, ehm, in a weird way... My phone went missing for a while so I was trying to call with Val's phone to find it, so I've got his number in my missed calls now. *lol* And I also got some pictures. I'm so sad, ain't I... *lol*
So, in general it was a really good night. Sophie got there later and we just kept drinking and smoking and going around this house (but our base was in someone's bedroom on the ground floor) and in the garden (it was sooo cold and it was raining as well, but it was nice) and on the roof... Very weird. We left at around 2.30; I didn't really want to, but everybody was leaving and it was a good idea, really, because if we hadn't I would be in a coma now. :)
[edit] I updated the gallery, with the pictures from last night! There you go. For me it's a treat for the eyes, really. ;) [/edit]

The entry's title has to do with Ryan and the fact that he's an idiot. *lol* Long story, nothing bad though. He just keeps doing these hilarious things whenever Paul or Sophie see him (I wish I'd been there to see this one though! Bwahahah). Eheheh.
I completely forgot to say that I went to the National theatre to see an amazing play, Democracy. The actors were very good and I really liked the way the set was done... I should seriously start to go to the theatre more often, especially the National Theatre because I can get student tickets (a tenner instead of 25+ £). This time a friend of my mum's who couldn't go gave me the ticket, which was nice also because I had a very good seat (exactly in the middle of the row!). Very satisfied. Every time I get out of the theatre I feel intellectual, which is nice, for once. The rest of the time I just feel ignorant.
Tonight I'm going to a houseparty for Dave's birthday, should be good fun. Maybe Val will be there? *mmh* Apparently Tom C. thinks I'm nasty and a slag. Nice one. He didn't seem to think that while we were going out... I just wish he would tell me to my face, because I hate it when people are nice to you but they really do hate you. Like I can't cope with the fact that you dislike me... Anyway, I'm bringing a bottle of vodka and a bottle of wine with me, so I think I'll be rather hammered by the end of the night. Student life really does revolve around getting trashed... Eheheh. You have to admit, it's fuuuun!
Haven't done any work for my essays. Yet. I don't think I'll be at uni much next week. Ops... :)

Last night we went to the Bingo. The three of us, Soph, Shiv & me. I had no idea of how much concentration you can actually need to play the damn thing! *lol* It was funny and VERY weird. We only went because it was free by the way... But now we're also gonna get membership cards. XD Bwahahah. Yeah, I know, it's a weird thing to do, but why not? After that we ended up in a lesbian bar and realized how weird it feels to be in a bar with not even one man in it. Me and Shiv also realized we were the only two girls with long hair in there. Mmh. This led us to a discussion about gender and how people perceive gender and how society makes us do things and look in a certain way... We always end up having very intellectual kind of conversations, which is good... I am bit scared that next year when we'll be living with Shiv we're gonna end up discussing stuff all the time and not doing any work... Pretty much like this year but with an intellectual nuance. Anyway, after the lesbian bar we went into this bar I always see from the bus... It was nice to finally go inside because it looked so cool from the outside! And it was, indeed, very cool, apart from the 3.70 £ I had to pay for my Malibu & Coke (but maybe it was a double... Dunno)... And then Kirsty's flatmate came in as well so I also had a little treat for the eyes! Bwahahah. XD
I've just finished my South East Asia on film class so I'm still at uni... I don't really know what to do tonight, probably nothing... Tomorrow I HAVE to do some work otherwise I'm fucked. These essays need to be done... And then I need to prepare psychologically for Dave's house party tomorrow. I'm expecting a lot of booze & weed and who knows what/who else. Bwahahah.
My host is starting to piss me off. They keep suspending my account about every two months and they don't even send me an email to tell me why. Bastards. Can't wait to change over to my other host... :)

Everything is blurry again... Days come and go and I feel like I haven't been doing anything worth mentioning, nothing useful at least... I just feel so blah and it's shit shit shit.
Put it together with my obsession with thinking about the wrong person at the wrong moment and... There you go, that's how fucked up I feel at the moment. And I can only be negative about it.
I am so depressing. Seriously.

So, I didn't go out on Friday night and I regret it. I didn't do any work yesterday anyway, and then I went out last night and spent 25 quid on getting pissed. I was quite drunk by the end of it and we ended up in a pub in Stoke Newington that is just sooo weird. It's the only pub that is open until 1.30 around here, so you get the weirdest mix of people... Locals and cokeheads and people who are going somewhere else afterwards... We were chatting to loads of people and dancing around and singing and laughing A LOT. I got checked out by about 10 guys, and they were all old and repulsive, but it was quite good fun! *lol* We met the sweetest old man, he was black and going around in this by gray coat with a burberry scarf and matching hanky. He was very sweet... *lol* It was a fun night, but it didn't really feel like a Saturday night... Two weeks until my next proper night out! And two essays to do before that. Ops.
I'm going to James' in a bit, for some food and probably a smoke or two... I still haven't seen his flat so it should be good. Mmh. So no work today either. I really am a procrastinator ain't I... Sniff.
Been thinking about Ryan a lot, mostly because I don't know what to think, I've got mixed feelings about him and I can't really analyze them. I NEED to find someone else, even if it's for one night, whatever, I need to get my mind off him. Or I'll go mad. It's been going on for way too long. I can be so complicated...
I'm seriously thinking about coming off the pill. I've been taking it for so long (4-5 years) that I don't even know if I would be any different off it, maybe less mental? From what I've heard from some of my mates it's so much better to be off it... And it's not like I'm with anyone right now and I really need it. But I'm so used to it that I don't really know. I should have asked my gynaecologist when I went to see her a couple of months ago... Oh well, I'll think about it. If I knew it would make me less mental to stop taking it I would stop NOW, but I don't know so... *mumble*

I saw a very good postmodernist film today, Tears of the Black Tiger. For once, it's released in Europe and in the US because it's been bought by Miramax... Apparently when it was showed at Cannes everybody loved it. The story is not amazing (but still good) but the photography and special effects and so on are amazing... And it's quite funny as well, because it's a parody of Western movies and a lot of other stuff. So, if you have the chance, watch it!
As usual, Jana is all over the place... This time she's in Denmark! I really admire her, I don't think there is anyone else in the world who has as much energy as she has... Love you babes! Hope you're enjoying yourself!
Today was weird... I was sooo tired when I woke up and then throughout the day, but I really enjoyed my lectures. Then I came back home (which took me ages because I had to pick up a book for my dad, right in the middle of rush hour) and... Found out I had two missed calls from Ryan... o__O So I called him back... He only wanted to know whether I was going to Antiworld tonight (I'm not, sniff, it's too expensive and I need to get some work done) and to ask how I was! Which was... Weird. I mean, I know it's nice, and I really appreciate it, because I do want to be his friend, it just... Confused me a little. *lol* We had a nice chat though. So it was good. Mmh. :)
Eastenders is coming up! Apparently they're going to air Eastenders in Italy. I'm not sure Italian people will like it... We'll see. XD

To wake up in the morning or afternoon or night and be amazed by where I am, who I am with and what I'm doing. I want to be able to talk about everything with my friends. I want to be open-minded, friendly, helpful as much as I can be. I want to enjoy the music I listen to, especially to go out and be able to melt into the music. I want to be able to think about what I've done in the past and be nostalgic about it. I want to be happy as much as I can every day, hour, minute and second. I want to do as much as possible, try everything, take advantage of every opportunity. I want to stay the person I am now, with my qualities and my faults. I want to live happily and dangerously.
+++
See, that's what goes on my head when I'm on a bus, still half-asleep, at 8 in morning... My mind starts wandering around weird ideas and reflections on life... It's great fun, when I do remember what I've been thinking a couple of hours later... :) I usually don't! It's always like that, I start thinking about 'important' stuff just before going to sleep or after I've woken up.
Last night ER's episode was just BAD. I'm sorry, I love that programme, I've been watching it for like 6 years, but that was just TOO MUCH. A fucking chopper crashing on the hospital... *lol* I know it was supposed to be 'dramatic', but I just started laughing when it happened.
I've chosen both of my essay titles for my next two essays now... One is about Violence and the other about Singapore and how the population has been controlled by the government... I've started reading one of the articles today and it's soooo interesting. Every time I get stoned I start talking about that sort of stuff, discussing whether we're controlled by our governments or by transnational companies in ways we can't even imagine... Sometimes I do think it's true, but I won't start this discussion here... It would take hours! XD
Gotta go watch telly because my head is wandering off again. Fucking spliff. Eheheh. :D

Ok, now it's a bit too much. ER is becoming kind of ridiculous! But it's still good. XD Poor Romano, he doesn't deserve so much shit...
As usual today was a very very very tiring Wednesday... I didn't come home for 12 hours, yay! -__- I had a really good lecturer for Development today, which was nice... We started Violence, which is extremely interesting - I'll probably do my essay on that. I have to start thinking about it and reading really, I don't wanna do everything at the last minute... Especially because I've been so good with my other essay, I want to do my very best. I also stayed in the bar for the pub quiz, very funny indeed. We only came 6th or so (ops), but we still got 9 1/2 points out of 19! I can tell you, those questions were fucking hard! Eheheh...
Now I'm off for a smoke and in a tiny bit, sleep, because I really need it! *yawn*

I still feel so tired from the weekend. I went to uni today and I sat in the bar for ages just because I couldn't cope with walking to the bus stop. *lol* And I have to wake up at 7 tomorrow morning, sniff.
I am thinking about getting a new phone. I'll have to get a contract and a new number, which is a bit of a hassle, but... I NEED a new phone. I had to glue back the 6 on my mobile the other day and now it's really hard to press it. :/ The only problem is that I would have to pay for it during the summer as well... I'll have to think about it but in the end I want a new seeeeexy mobile! And it would only be 20 £ a month... Which is what I am paying now really... But I want a new phone! (yes, I'm arguing with myself, indeed)
I've got two essays due in 16 days! HELP! ;__;

Last night was soooo good, as it always is with Sinergy Project... A very satisfying night, very much so... It was good, when I saw Ryan I didn't think 'Shit I still fancy him' but 'Shit I've missed him, as a friend'. It was a tiny bit awkward at the beginning but by the end of the night we were talking and smiling at each other and hugging. I also had to tell Dee how beautiful he is, inside and outside. Sophie and Paul got engaged (yes, they did indeed, and I'm so happy for them). We looked at all the weirdos who where there (there are always weirdos at Psy Trance nights). We danced a lot. We listened to a girl playing the guitar and singing Irish folksongs. We listened to a huge group of drummers that just made you want to dance. We sat down and smoked a lot. We went around and looked in amazement at everything that was happening around us. We talked a lot of rubbish and I had the time of my life. If there is one thing I'm going to miss when I leave London, it's gotta be Psy Trance nights!
Anyway, so, I am a happy girl now, very tired as well... We didn't leave until 7.30 this morning (it was too good to leave) and got home at 8.30 or so, then I slept until 4 in the afternoon, but still... After a night spent jumping around and sweating, I need some more sleep. So, my bed is calling for me now! Eheheh. :)