i was supposed to go to bed ages ago, i was feeling like shit, but an episode of friends later, i'm still here (friends is growing back on me; i've been watching it loads again).
i had an extremely long, quite upsetting, very difficult conversation with jay earlier. about the past, specifically, past relationships. it was... good, because by telling him all the truth, i've been telling myself the truth, realizing things i'd never really thought about... things i'd tried to avoid thinking about. there were things he wasn't sure about, and we discussed them together; it wasn't an argument at all, we just got upset in turns (lol), but it was always very... grown up, which is what this relationship feels like more and more. the fact is, this is grown up because we are; my only other important relationship happened at a time when i was still growing up, changing, you know. now... we're both who we are, and that's why we're together. and that's why i think this could last for a very long time.
but let's talk about other stuff. jay's birthday! so, i went up to harlow (where his parents live) on wednesday night (and it took me so long, god, stupid trains were late and as usual the central line was all fcked up and full of sweaty people, i spent 20 minutes with my face in some chinese guy's smelly armpit), and we went to the pub with some of his mates and his brother and so on. it was fun, we were talking bollocks most of the time (at one point there were at least four people, including myself, crying because they were laughing too hard). had lots of malibu&coke, but jay had even more beer. we then went to the only place in harlow that is open after 11... OH MY GOD. jumping jacks, it was sooo weird. now, you have to know, harlow is in essex. essex is famous for its boys & girls. in two words: rich & slutty. i've never seen so many people being drunk on a wednesday night, not even in london in the ucl union bar... *lol* so we were dancing around and stuff, and everybody was buying jay drinks... he had beer, beer, beer, beer, triple shot of whiskey, beer, beer, smoothie (a weird vodka&milk mix), etc. he was sooo drunk when we got out of there! got home, his parents were taking the piss out of him... to make a long story short, he spent 5 hours in the toilet throwing up (and the day after his sister cleaned up, that's sisterly love for you, i wouldn't have done it! lol). while i was waiting in the living room with a duvet and my ipod (and i burnt my finger with a cigarette, sniff). so on his birthday he spent a good part of the day in bed while i talked to his mum. :)
NOW. jay's mum is so cool. jay's dad is so cool. his brother and his sister are so cool. and i think they really do like me, and it's so great. so apparently now i can go up there whenever i want, they've got no problem with it. YAY! so i might be going tomorrow, because i miss him so much. it's frustrating.
anyway, overall, it was lovely to be there. i had so much fun. everybody was so crazy and nice and funny. i just laughed loads... and if you know me you know i love laughing.
i love the postal service. give up is such a good album. now i need to get more blonde redhead. and so much more! ok, so, for indie stuff soulseek is the perfect p2p program, but what about mainstream stuff? on kazaa every fcking file is corrupted! suggestions anyone?
if you got to the end of this post, you really deserve a medal. :)