December 2004 Archives

soph got a dvd player for christmas, and paul just bought a new 21 inch flat screen tv, so i've gone into complete dvd madness! got jay to buy me save the last dance and donnie darko, and i've bought dirty dancing, human traffic and queer as folk 1&2 on amazon. XD can't wait to receive them!!! bwahahah. so cool. i'm going to be spending even more time in front of the tv now. :p as soon as i get the money, i'm going to buy er season 1 and the oc season 1. eheheh. this is not good for me (or my bank account). oh well.
we've finally (more or less) decided what the plan for tonight is (i've had about a thousand arguments with jay about this -__-;). dee and ryan are coming over later, we're gonna chill out and then go out to central london. watch the fireworks and all that, probably meet up with harriet and laurie. after midnight, i'm meeting up with jay and his friends who should be around... and then going back to his place for some more chilling out! and he's got tomorrow off which is nice. so i get to see him which is what i really wanted... i hope, since he might change his mind again before tonight... meh. ^^;
now i could say something about my wonderful day with jay, but i won't... cause it was so good there are no words to describe it. i'm head over heels over that boy, and i have the feeling that i always will be. :)
oh, and by the way... happy 2005 to everybody out there! hope you're all partying hard or... well, just enjoying yourselves. :)

i'm finally back in my lovely little flat in london. :) these two weeks have gone by so slowly and so quickly at the same time, it's really weird. i'm so happy to be back though.
jay is coming to pick me up in an hour or so, and then we're going back to his place in south london... i have champagne, chocolate cookies and lots of naughty stuff lined up for us tonight. you can bet... i haven't seen my baby in two weeks!!! and we've got the whole of tomorrow (we're going to buy our christmas presents for each other as well) and tomorrow night... it's just what i need.
the only problem is, i'm so tired. *sniff* i couldn't sleep at all last night, it was horrible. i woke up at 6 or so and couldn't fall asleep properly again. i slept a bit on the train but then i had to carry suitcases and bags all over london so i feel quite shattered. oh well. time to chill out now. :)

oh dear. i got way too many presents, my whole family got way too many presents. i can't wait to upload the pictures to show you the madness. the living room was covered. it was crazy...
so, a list of what i got. it's lots of stuff, don't get scared... :p
from parents:
* brown ugg boots
* blue converse trainers, the tall ones with stripey fabric inside and blue fabric outside
* dark green/brownish jacket
* one karl lagerfeld for h&m dress, black
* another dress, brown&white and flowery
* one turquoise top
* pink fairy lights
* dark green eastpak
* two bras and six pairs of pants
specifically from my dad:
* cute tiny chinese teapot with tiny chinese cups inside a sort of basket thing with flowery chinese fabric inside. need a picture cause i can't describe it but it's the cutest thing!!!
* cute green alarm, but it doesn't work so i have to change it :/
from my godmother:
* red mandarina duck wallet
* 100 euros (which i spent on presents)
from my brother:
* in-ear ipod hearphones (very cool)
from my aunt:
* red cashmere jumper
* red bag, super cute with beads and stuff
* snakey necklace, like the breil one (long story)
* comme des garcons perfume, lily (SO good)
and i think that's it... -__-;;; don't know how i'll get all this stuff back to london. i also have a new set of cutlery and six champagne glasses to take with me. argh. it's going to be the trip from hell...
but yeah i'm very happy about all of my presents. there were loads of things i didn't expect and everything's sooo nice. my favourite present is the black dress cause it's so sexy. and the teapot thing is the cutest.
if you got to the end of this list, well done. ;p you're brave!!! *lol*
today, i'm chilling out. we're going to the pere lachaise, the cemetary where jim morrisson and loads of other famous people are buried. lalalaaaa. :)

the crisis seems to be over. for now at least... now it's time to cook! so...
merry christmas everybody! have a nice day/night/dinner... whatever you do at christmas, enjoy. :)

i knew christmas couldn't be all nice!!! obviously, one member of my family pissed off another member of my family, and now we're all paying for it. i can only hope my aunt will have a calming sort of effect. it's my last hope actually... *sigh*
for once i was sort of enjoying it, you know, despite missing jay and my friends and all that. for once i wasn't having huge rows with my parents. and then this happens.
well, it is true that christmas with the family is never actually a happy occasion. bollocks.
(4 days to my bed with jay in it. oh the joy... i can't wait!!!)

in the last few days, i might have been bored, but i've understood something really important. for me christmas is and always will be with the family. there are things that i've been doing since i was a kid, rituals, that make what christmas is for me. those are mostly things i do with my mum; and one day, i hope i'll be doing them with my kids and pass onto them my love for christmas... it's decorating the christmas tree and the house, with all of our pretty glass things from all over the world. it's having an advent calendar, sort of 'hand-made' by my mum. it's having german christmas biscuits to eat. it's making gingerbread biscuits. which is what we're doing at the moment, for the first time in a couple of years. :) even though i hate ginger, i absolutely adore gingerbread... just reminds me of my childhood.
now i've been getting so excited about making cookies that i've decided to do lots more tomorrow, and then i can bring them back to london with me. so i'm going to make almond sugar cookies and applesauce cookies. *yum* i can't wait. XD
i wouldn't be surprised if in 10 years' time i was very fat. ;p

found my dad a present. now i feel guilty because my mum hasn't got enough. oh bollocks. if i find her something else before friday, good, otherwise... fck it. :)
artois, i'm definitely not just tired. i'm actually bored. and my parents are starting to irritate me... wanna know how my mum woke me up this morning? she slammed by bedroom door open, yelled vanina and left. yep. that's all the sweetness and niceness you can get out of her in terms of waking me up. meh.
girasole dear, i'll tell you what... with the last bridget jones i was all for colin firth, obviously. but i never really fancied him. yes, i'll admit... i find hugh grant incredibly sexy. especially now he's a bit older... when they were in thailand and he was wearing a white shirt... oh wow... i just wanted to jump him. seriously. shame my mum was sitting next to me so i couldn't really drool that much. yes, i'm ashamed. but what can i do? ;__; but i never really used to fancy him. not in 4 weddings, not in notting hill or the first bridget... am i forgiven? ;)
tomorrow night my brother and his 'girlfriend' are getting here. we'll see. thank god they're not sleeping here but a friend's house. this flat is going to get way too busy. i just want peace, quiet & presents. XD

i'm SO bored. can't wait for christmas day to come. actually i can't wait for tomorrow morning cause i can get candy out of the advent calendar and that makes me very excited. yep, that's how interesting my life is at the moment.
went to see bridget jones: the edge of reason with my parents. i LOVED it. thought it was absolutely brilliant. i was laughing so hard half of the time!!! isn't it weird how renee zellwegger (despite what everybody says) doesn't look fat at all apart from her face, specifically her triple chin? it's a shame really, cause i think she looks much better with some boobs and ass. she's too skinny normally.
still have to find a present for my dad. also, i want to go to mango cause i'm getting a 50% discount for some reason. i have to make sure i get something. :p more clothes are never a bad thing.
tomorrow i AM smoking a fag at some point cause i've been going without for... 4 days now. which isn't bad. i bet that's why i'm bored. what i'm really scared of is that since i'm not smoking and it's christmas, i'll be eating like a pig and putting loads of weight on. argh. hope not.

oh fck. i'm already bored. i've not only sorted out presents for my brother, my mum and my aunt, but i've also packed them. and i can't buy a present for my dad or jay until thursday cause my mum has got no money until then... bollocks. i really need to find something for my dad. i've got no idea what to get... i'll need to go around shops for a while. i know what to get jay but it's a bit silly so i don't know. argh.
my 100 euros have already gone; and now i have no money for tobacco! i'll need to find a way to get at least 30 euros or so for tobacco, because i really can't afford to buy it in england. and already tobacco is 5 euros here but 3.50 in italy... shame i'm not going this year. meh.
all in all, i'm already quite bored. monday will be the worst; my mum is away and my dad has got work to do, i will have no money and nothing to do. silly silly. i wish i could sleep lots at least but at the moment i'm actually suffering from insomnia and i cannot sleep in the mornings. so annoying.
at least my cystitis is going.

yes, i'm finally feeling it. :) now that christmas isn't thrown into my face everywhere i go, i'm enjoying it a lot more. also, i'm going shopping with my mum tomorrow so i can buy presents... and wrapping paper and ribbons and cute paper for the cards and cards for people in london!!! eheheh. plus, one of my mum's best friends has not only bought me a present but also given me a 100 euros which will be very useful for presents and tobacco. just what i need. it'll probably all go like that but well. that's the way it is. i'm getting all i want for christmas anyway. :)
we've just finished decorating the tree; as usual it's way too full but that's why it's beautiful. my mum has been collecting glass christmas decorations of about... 20 years? they come from all over the place, germany, italy, eastern europe, russia, the us... and they come in all sorts of shapes as well; father christmas, birds, boats, airplanes, cats, houses, angels, cars... and then there are loads of round ones, but with stars, dots, tartans, hearts... they really are amazing. every time i see them i marvel. so pretty. :) need to take pictures.
the trip this morning went ok; apart from the annoying guy sitting next to me who was quite nice at the beginning (just talking and stuff) and then started chatting me up. at that point i got pissed off, got my ipod and book out and proceded to ignore him for the rest of the journey. ;p
it's nice, i'm finally excited about christmas. even though i already miss jay like crazy...

i'm almost finished packing. only a few things left (stuff i'm washing) and then i'll be done! and tomorrow morning, train home... it'll feel weird. like it always does.
i've decided to leave my laptop here because... well, i've got a desktop in paris and it's not like there's anything on my laptop i REALLY need; and what i need (readings for my 5,000 word paper) i can put on a cd.
as usual, i'm burning loads of cds for my parents for christmas. so far, i've decided to do... the beta band; beth orton; maroon 5; travis; keane; franz ferdinand; massive attack; damien rice; ben harper; the libertines; and aimee mann. sounds good. there a couple of things i'm not sure they'll like, but why not try. they always like to hear new stuff, especially my mum. it's so funny, she reads random reviews on some paper and then asks me to find some weird band for her... or like the time they went to see ms. dynamite in concert without even knowing who she was!!! apparently they were the oldest people in the audience by 30 years or so. *lol* my parents are insane.
in the next two weeks i'll be focusing on doing work for my super-long paper and on finding a job... or at least on applying for loads of jobs. argh. doesn't sound like fun does it? -__-;

if this title doesn't express frustration i don't know what does... -__- this thing isn't going away as fast as it should. i must have drunk about 15 litres of water + cranberry juice since yesterday, and i still go to the loo every half hour. bloody hell. it is getting better though. as long as i'm fine tomorrow or at least wednesday... i need to go to the library and get some books for my mum...
i had to give a miss to the italian bloggers' meeting as well. not fair. i really hope we'll be able to organize another one... i'm so pissed off about missing this. i feel so lame. ^^;
apart from that, i've spent the day in my pjs, which was extremely nice. only had a bath about an hour ago and guess what... put my pjs on again when i got out. XD
i think i must be the only person who isn't feeling the christmas atmosphere AT ALL. all the christmas films on tv are seriously annoying me. like SO much. and i bloody hate christmas music. i think i'll only start feeling like it's christmas when i'll go home and decorate the tree with my mum.
i already know what i'm going to get jay for christmas, but my family... no idea. i have three cute christmas decorations for my mum, but that's the only thing. i'm going to make christmas cards tomorrow. but the present themselves... fck knows. i really don't have a clue. i'll find them in paris, hopefully. i wish i had loads of money to spend on my family and friends... that's the only thing that makes me happy about getting a job soon. i'll be able to get the people i love the things they deserve...
overall, a pretty sucky day. meh.

if you're a guy, consider yourself SO lucky because you'll never have to go through the hell of cystitis. it's horrible. it's unbearable. i've been to the loo about 3500 times in the last three hours, and it doesn't stop, it just gets worse and worse. i don't know what to do anymore. this is definitely the worst attack of cystitis i've ever had. i wish i could just pee and that's it. ARGH. ;__; can you feel the desperation???
one thing's for sure, if i'm still in this state tomorrow, there's no way i'm going ANYWHERE. this is so depressing...

new hat. present from jay... he says i look really cute in it, i like it cause it's stripey and WARM.
i'm already bored. the OC finished last week so there isn't even that to watch... but bring it on is on tonight, and even though i've already seen it and it's a bit shit, it's very entertaining.
speaking of films, notting hill... i still hate the film, but for only one reason: julia roberts. i can't stand her... 'i'm just a girl...' made me want to throw up. but there are some extremely funny bits. my favourite character is the welshman... bwahahah. XD and i agreed with my flatmate on something: notting hill is obviously showed with an american audience in mind. it all looks too pretty... i mean, it is very pretty, but the way they show it... that's not the REAL london. london is a huge city and sometimes it doesn't look pretty, there are bad bits, everywhere you go, and for me that's the beauty of it. it's an eclectic city. guess it's something only londoners understand... but well.
tomorrow night i am meeting up with the other three italian girls in london with blogs. it will be fun! shame i'm absolutely broke so i probably won't be able to stay for long. and shame my stupid boyfriend has already moved back home so i won't be able to stay at his place but will have to trek all the way back to finsbury park... *sigh* oh well.

so i've said goodbye to jay and i'm not going to see him again until the 28th, at least. :( as a consolation as soon as he dropped me home i ordered a chinese take-away and i'm gonna sit in front of the tv eating and smoking until really late. gonna watch notting hill even though i hate it; but at least it's entertaining. meh. i'm not happy. at all. and i've got a headache.

all done. i am officially on holiday... which i demonstrated by sleeping until 11.30 this morning. i know, i know, i'm not the same anymore... i used to be able to sleep until 2 a couple of years ago (and i even went to bed at 1.45 last night). i think i'm becoming old and starting to have insomnia... ;p i never thought I would have problems sleeping.
but anyway, i'm digressing. i'm on holiday, but also kind of broke. thank god i'm going home next thursday. actually, no, i don't wanna go home. damn.

the second essay is finished and i even managed to do my paper outline/proposal for refugee crisis (which i wasn't intending to do, but since i had time). i'm going to hand in everything tomorrow and then i'll be done for the holidays... won't have to worry about my next essay for a while (the next one is due in january but is quite easy, south east asian literature)... eheheh. it feels so good to be finished.
also, i can't believe i'm actually finished two days before everything's due. i rock. seriously... if it wasn't that my second essay is a bit crap. erm, oh well. :) i don't even care anymore!!!
tomorrow i have my last lecture and tutorial. the plan is... go to tutorial, print out everything and hand it in, go to a card shop and buy a card for kirsty, give it to liz, maybe do some research for my paper in the library (i've got two hours between the tutorial and the lecture), attend the lecture (and almost fall asleep as usual), come home and CHILL OUT. and not worry about anything. wicked. XD

yeah, i'm naughty in many different ways. i ended up not doing much at the week end, but after all the work i put into that essay i think i deserved it. :) now the problem is, i've got quite a lot of reading left to do for this other essay... i would say around a 100 pages. argh. gotta do it tonight/tomorrow morning as well, because i need to start writing tomorrow so i can finish it on thursday and hand it in on friday. with a bit of luck it will all go well. ;p
major arguments over the week end; but now everything's good... i think uni is putting me under a lot of stress and the same goes for jay; and we tend to take it out on each other because it's the easiest thing to do. we need to learn that it's not the right thing to do...
christmas is getting closer and closer. and my list of christmas presents is being finalised... ;p anyway apart from my terribly consumeristic tendencies, it feels weird, it's christmas again. every year i play that 'where was i 1/2/5 years ago' thing, and it's amazing. because now even if i think 'where was i 10 years ago?' i actually know, and it's not too far in the mists of memories... i'm old!!! *lol* so three years ago i was celebrating my last christmas as a high school student. i was in a long-term relationship and was working hard for my final exams. two years ago i was spending my first christmas as a uni student, missing my mates back in london lots, and thinking about all the guys i was going to sleep with. a year ago i spent my christmas holidays thinking about ryan, came back and he broke up with me... don't even wanna think about that actually. and this year... i've got jay, a lot of work to do, and all of my friends and my family. who knows how i will remember it in 10 years' time?
meh. being all philosophical again. instead of doing work, obviously... bwahahah. i'm the ultimate student procrastinator. erm. nothing to be proud about you say?

the essay is finally finished. quite a lot longer than what it should be... 2,836 words. ;p but the upper limit is 3,000 so it's ok. i'm so relieved that it's finished. this morning i just got up and thought... right, this is it! it's gotta be finished asap! so a couple of hours later i was writing the conclusion. :) seriously, i'm so proud of myself. i used to be shit at writing in english. ;p and i mean, i have only started writing academic essays in english about 2 years ago. so it's not bad.
going to jay's house tonight; he's meeting me in central london so for once i won't have to go all the way down there on my own. those trains are horrible and i hate taking one when i'm alone. sucks.
i've been feeling rather pretty lately. just a random remark, but it makes me happy. la la la.
other than that... i'm trying to make a list of things i want for christmas. it's coming out pretty well. ;p new eastpak (the two i have are falling apart, i'm keeping them together with safety pins), new wallet (mine from pretty green is becoming all brown, the leather is getting all ruined), pair of levi's (nice, comfy, baggy ones), ugg boots and some t-shirts. possibly a new jacket because i only have coats. oh and a usb key so i won't have to bother with floppy disks anymore. i'm such a spoiled little brat. my parents have always given me too many presents for christmas. *erm*
i can't decide whether i'm happy to go home for two weeks or not. i'll miss jay lots, but i need to get out of london for a bit... it does get stressful after a while. at the same time, in paris i'll be bored out of my skull after a week. argh...

i've written 1300 words in three days. mostly because i didn't write anything yesterday... 700 words on the first day and 500 today. WHY ON EARTH am i so slow??? normally, once i've read everything, it takes me one day to do a 2500 words essay. no longer than two anyway. i just can't be bothered. we were saying with soph yesterday, essays are just becoming torture. complete torture. no matter how interested i am in the topic, i just don't wanna fcking write about it... well. this has gotta be finished by tomorrow so. i better fcking stop being a lazy ass.
i've just had the sudden urge to create a new family in the sims 2. bollocks. another couple of hours gone. and no, of course i CANNOT resist the urge. :) i am naughty girl. sigh.
i'm thinking that i might try to get into the institute of education to get a PGCE (postgraduate certificate in education) and become a teacher in social science or citizenship. it sounds really interesting and to tell you the truth... i do like the idea of teaching kids. i really do... i'd be great. i've been getting excited about it. plus they really want people to do it so you get a lot of financial support, and it's a useful job for society... know what i mean. sounds good. so i'm gonna apply as soon as possible... well, i've already started, i only need to write my personal statement and stuff.
can you see me teaching kids??? lol. the image is a bit funny but... i'm definitely interested.

so the graduate fair was... ok, i guess. at least i got loads of pens and a mug and badges (including a '2 for 1' one and 'easy' one from sainsbury's ;p). erm. apart from that, all that i got out of it is the understanding that social sciences, apart from economics, are not respected at all and nobody gives a fck about them really. *sniff* i could work for the government, i guess, or i could teach. they don't sound like they're bad options. i've also gotta apply for an internship at the european commission/parliement (cause i won't get a job there unless i've got experience). that would be 5 months after uni or something, which wouldn't be bad. another than that, work for local councils, for the nhs or something like that. basically in human resources/management. it's quite discouraging to find out that your degree is more or less useless. oh well.
the thing is, i know i won't find the perfect job now or for a while. so what i want to do is try to find something enjoyable and interesting, but not that amazing, for the meantime. possibly something in london because... well, i don't want to leave. i really don't want to. london is where i want to be. we'll see we'll see...
this is getting scary, you know... fcking hell. jobs. argh.

to whoever left me a message saying i was missing the point... i know what i was talking about isn't the whole pro-life argument. the argument is, a baby is a baby from the moment it's conceived, therefore if you're having an abortion you're killing someone. i have to say, i do think that having no limit for abortions (the fact that you can have one up to 9 months, basically) is horrible. for me the limit would be the stage when if you actually gave birth to the baby it would survive on its own. if you haven't decided whether you wanted an abortion or not by that point then you're a fcking muppet (apart from special cases, like if the foetus had serious health problems)... but anyway, my point is, pro-lifers talk all sort of bullshit as well. like... women didn't use to have that many abortions illegally... oh really? not too sure about that. or if sex education was better we wouldn't need abortion. i'm sorry, but you can get pregnant even if you use contraception, so... and no matter how much sex ed you do people are always gonna be stupid and won't use contraception as well. to me, abortions are the sort of thing that women are always going to get, whether it's legal or not. it's like drugs, people are always going to take them. and if there is one thing i hate, is how they show you pictures of aborted foetuses. it's just disgusting.
i strongly believe in a woman's right to have a baby or not. if we can't control that, then we're back to square one. and now i could get into the whole gender issue and say that not having the right to abortion means that women will always be considered different from men for biological reasons and i don't think that's right, but well...
sorry for the rant. i've just been thinking about all this. ;p gonna write some more essay now and then i'm going to a graaduate fair. should be interesting... hopefully.