January 2005 Archives

jay has bought a webcam. which means i've been glued to msn for the past few hours looking at him doing stuff, waving his hand, smiling at me, etc. etc.
how sad can you get?
(and now i've just ordered a webcam over the internet... we've decided we're going to be cam whores for each other!!! XD)
my mum's coming over tomorrow and we're going to see the house of commons. should be fun. essay is 1,200 words at the mo and a lot more to write. other than that, lots of work, went out to cargo to see one of paul's mates mc to banghra fusion, spent sunday with jay and woke him up this morning with kisses, a cup of tea and porridge. and i even made it to my 9 o'clock lecture even though he was looking all cute and sexy and sleepy in my bed. i'm proud of myself for that, really. and yes, i'm trying to condensate everything that has happened lately in a few sentences because i want to read my book but i thought i should write something here because i'm neglecting the whole internet thing at the moment. or at least i feel i am by my standards. which is not a bad thing, but well...

i've already done 600 words of my essay, which is really good. it's not due until the 7th of february, but with my mum coming over and all that, i need to sort it out now. after having a sort of terrible week, this week i feel really proud. went to all of my lectures, took lots of notes, did all of my readings for all of my tutorials... now i only need to keep it up.
i'm not seeing jay this week-end, because he's stressed out about uni and he feels he hasn't done enough this term (already???), so he wants to stay at home and work. i don't mind, really. i mean, the last three weeks have been stressful. balancing everything out... between uni and trying to see him i feel like i have stuff to do all the time, and if i want to chill out i feel guilty. so i need a week-end off from all the stress, especially because next week is going to be quite busy.
which doesn't mean that i don't miss him already. feels a bit wrong not seeing him at the week-end. *sniff* but tomorrow night i'm going to cargo (a club) where one of paul's friend is djing, so that should be fun. i haven't been out in a long time... maybe it's just what i need.
i've decided to go to harrod's tomorrow (i've calculated with my dad that it's been 12 years since i've been there last...), so that i can buy something to add to my mum's present. since it's her 60th birthday i feel she needs something special... i'm not getting her anything big, because obviously i don't have the money, but i've found two or three little presents that are just very cute. the problem with my mum is that she doesn't NEED anything... so i've just found her a book, a cute lamp, a cute bag, and i'm going to buy a small harrod's marzipan cake (they've got the cutest little things, i remember when i was small my parents bought one that had a little rabbit and a carrot on top... it was the best). i think she'd like that because it would bring back loads of memories from when i was a kid.
also, in the end we've decided that on friday night we'll stay here, at my flat, have wine that my dad is bringing from paris and order a nice, big thai take-away. sophie and jay are going to be here, and i might invite some other people... but it's nice, my parents will get to meet my friends and so on. :) i'm quite happy.
this is the longest entry ever and i need my bed. thank god it's the end of the week.

it all started with me with a massive hangover, having to get up for my tutorial. then i fell down the stairs in the bus (didn't hurt myself, but i did look like a muppet). after my tutorial i picked up my gender & development essay and got incredibly pissed off because i feel she marked me down and made remarks that were way over the top (of the kind you're more likely to find on a postgrad assignment, in my opinion). i still got a 65%, which is really good, but considering the amount of work i put into that essay and the difficulty of the topic (which was as broad as you can get), i don't feel it's right, at all. anyway, then i called jay and whined to him for 5 minutes until he told me that actually, he was in a lecture, and i felt like a muppet again. then sophie told me about these people who officially complained about one of our lecturers for incredibly stupid reasons (basically because they're so up their own asses...) and i got pissed off about that. then i had the most boring lecture ever (and it even lasted the full two hours, which hardly ever happens). then i tried to pick up a present for my mum but the lamp i wanted from habitat was out of stock. then something else pissed me off but then i can't really talk about it.
that's about all the shit stuff that happened today. i was supposed to do work today, because my mum is coming over on tuesday and i won't have much time after that, but i really couldn't be bothered. i was just too pissed off with the world.
thank god i have the nicest boyfriend ever who went and picked up the lamp i wanted from the habitat in bromley. he's an angel.
but yeah... i've gotta do lots of work tomorrow. meh.

zach braff has a blog! yes, zb of scrubs' and garden state's fame! one of my favourite tv series ever and definitely one of my favourite films ever. with the best soundtrack ever as well. XD this will definitely go into my daily readings, seriously. i even left a comment but considering 1200 people did it before me, i doubt he'll ever read mine. but well. go read his blog and go see garden state!!!

i've finally made it to my 9 o'clock lecture, which i've missed twice already this term (and we're only at the second week ;p). now i've got three hours in front of me, and i need to spent them working working working. readings for this afternoon, readings for tomorrow, readings for my presentation on thursday. i've realised, if i applied myself a bit more and was a bit less lazy, all of my work would get done so incredibly quickly. it'd probably take me about a whole day to do everything for the week, seriously. but i'm lazy, so.
getting back my gender & development essay on thursday, and to tell you the truth... i'm sooooo scared, especially since someone told me that the woman who marks the essay was really tough last year, and people actually complained about it (the problems of courses that are for both postgraduates and undergraduates... the focus is always on one of the two). but well, we'll see. i'm scared that the mark is not going to be so good, and then... adieu to all hopes of getting a first. damn.
jana darling, as you probably have noticed... i have so much work to do at the moment i can't really go anywhere. which is a shame cause i haven't seen you in so long and i do miss you lots. plus i think it would be good for both of us to see each other. but no can do... i don't think i'll even go home for easter. i'm getting far too stressed about all this.
poor jana babes, i swear, as soon as i start working i'll pay for you to do any degree you want to do! it's just so unfair that you can't do things. i have to say, i'm getting more and more pissed off about the bloody european union. what's the point of excluding people like this? it's everything, from your case to how immigrants and refugees in general are treated... it's all bollocks. makes me angry.
and italy makes me angry too. they're so damn stupid, with all their bureaucracy and whatnot. i'm patiently awaiting for a response to see if i have the job in perugia; at the same time, do i really wanna be there? it would be a fantastic chance in terms of work, but being down there... with jay here. damn. i don't know. so i understand you. :/ *lots of virtual hugs*
ok, now i'm going to read about vietnamese literature, ethnic politics and refugees and gender. i'm already bored. ^^;;

first of all. WARNING. by mistake, i ticked on this option on movable type that says that i have to 'moderate' my comments. which means that any comment you post won't appear immediately but will have to be accepted by me. i tried to change the damn setting but it won't do it... damn. so even if your comment doesn't appear immediately, don't post it again! i'm sorry for this. i could solve this bloody issue if the c***s from my hosting company let me take my domain and transfer it, but they've decided to ignore me instead... -__-
anyway, this week i have been a completely and totally lazy bitch. i've missed all of my classes but two (that are one after the other) and i have spent 3 full days at jay's house... i just couldn't get enough of him, and nope, not in that sense. as he says, 'the painters are in' so no fun for me (and lots for jay, bastard...). but it was nice, cuddling lots, sleeping next to each other, eat loads of unhealthy foods... my craving for sugar just went through the roof.
anyway, need to answer a couple of questions... markio, si, mi e' arrivata la mail, ma ogni volta che provo a rispondere la tua casella mi rimanda indietro la mail. hai un altro indirizzo che posso provare? ?.? jana-darling, jay's opinion on refugees is... that countries should deal with their populations and that's it. the thing is, he has very little information on refugees. he doesn't know, for example, that the UK only accepts up to 500 refugees per year or something equally ridiculous, etc. etc. it's the sort of opinion most people would have... and england is particularly bad for these things thanks to semi-newspapers like the sun or the daily mail that convince people that refugees are only here to get money. now, the main problem is, that when i start talking about things like these with him i become extremely patronising, because i feel i have more information, and he gets annoyed and doesn't listen to me. therefore we argue... it's a bit silly really. one day i'll convince him though. ;p i miss you too babe. i always read you, sorry if i don't comment... lack of time and laziness. meh.

lisa, desperate housewives is on tv in england, started a couple of weeks back. lost isn't though (and i keep hearing about it! i wanna see it now).
we've just finished watching the queer as folk dvds. the second series, apart from the fact that it's pathetically short (only two episodes! you joking!), is not as good as the first one, but still... i don't know who i fancy more, stuart or nathan. actually, cross that. nathan. 16 year old boy, a bit effeminate? mmmh, that's my thing. XD
jay is at his best mate's house in southend-on-sea... the best mate who is a girl. who i've never met. the one i'm insanely jealous of (not in the way you think; i know they wouldn't sleep together). as you can imagine, i am NOT happy. grrr... ****** (random insult). but well... apparently he's coming to see me tomorrow, so i'm happy; and in the end, i don't know what i'm whining about, since i see him every week and she hasn't seen him in like 5 months. ok now i'm going to stop writing about this otherwise i'll start insulting people which is not nice. *calms down*
i've got a few things to read for uni but at the moment i'm feeling crap. the hungover is catching up with me. there's nothing on telly... i could finish those two books i've been reading for ages. or play the sims...
such a sad saturday night. *sigh*

last night was completely unexpected. well, the whole of yesterday really... went to my first HIV/AIDS & development lecture at one, and after that i met up with james, had a few coffees and just caught up with things. i definitely need to spend more time with that boy, i do miss him. he's in great, in his own posh way... he's fun. :) so yeah, we were talking about everything and anything for a couple of hours, and then i met up with sophie, shiv and liz. we went to a pub on tottenham court road, were we had dinner (cheese & bacon burger, yum) and a couple of drinks (three gin & tonics for me, actually, which made me... merry to say the least). we seamlessly managed to go from talking about the tsunami to talking about celebrity big brother. i think that's something only women can do... eheheh. :)
after that i went home with sophie, and we called up dee to see what he was doing. we ended up going to his mum's house, where two bottles of vodka were lying around (and i added one of peach flavoured vodka, yummy stuff, shame it's finished now)... so you can imagine the rest!!! we got really quite drunk, which was fun. sophie was sick, which wasn't fun, of course... but then, she was quite happy even being sick. *lol* it was all quite surreal. we were just talking a lot of bollocks and hugging each other and telling each other how great we are. i love nights like that. i need them sometimes...
last night we were saying how we should go out tonight but... i feel a bit hungover now so i don't know if it's going to happen.
only negative thing, i had a stupid argument with jay because i think a lot of his opinions (on refugees, for example) are extremely biased and based on non-information. which is what a lot of people do, but because i know he's a clever guy, my boy, i want him to have an informed opinion. but it's true that i become quite condescending in situations like that, and he gets pissed off... anyway it was all really silly. well, the fact that he's going to see gina today obviously isn't helping. i miss him. *sniff*

i got an essay back - 70%! this year i'm doing a lot better than... what i expected, i guess? at the same time i've been working quite a lot so. it was a nice surprise.
i feel so tired now... did a presentation earlier on today... now i don't wanna do anything for the next 6 months, but i have another two presentations in two weeks' time and an essay due on the 7th of february... ARGH. >__< i need to get back into uni mode. so hard. :/
all i want to do is get on a bus and go and see jay. i miss him so much. and maybe i exaggerate but... that boy's my life. i love him. and i miss him every single second i'm not with him... it's getting almost silly. :)
have been watching my queer as folk dvds... fit men having sex, bwahahah. XD it's fcking brilliant. :)

essay writing hell, that is. i have to finish it today before 6 anyway, so it won't last long. *lol* i know more or less everything i have to write so it should be fine.
dashofmilk is moving to a new server very very very soon. probably next week, tuesday or wednesday i'll actually transfer the domain and then it should take a couple of days to propagate... so it will be down, but not for very long. this obviously means that i will have to install movable type again. argh. not fun, i'm telling you. and gallery as well... meh. shouldn't take more than a day though. and then sometimes soon i'll have to work on a new layout, but we'll see.
i have some doubts on working out mysql from my main account, but my host has got the best/nicest customer service so it should be ok. hopefully. *ehm*
i'm going to see jay tonight, finally. i haven't seen him in a week, it feels more like a year!!! should be nice. and i'll be seeing his family as well, which is always good fun.
now, bath or essay first?

so, i've had to upgrade my movable type because of the problems massive comment spamming was causing to the server where this site is hosted... i'm know version 3.14, and it looks very nifty. plus, i don't care about only being able to have one author and three blogs cause... i only want one author and one blog. ;p i've also installed loads of plugins so that spammers don't bother me anymore. hopefully it's all resolved now.
i obviously got incredibly pissed off about not being able to check my email and update the blog. plus the customer service... as any other customer service... you can imagine how they are.
i'm still moving this domain to my other hosting account as soon as this account expires. there is no way i am keeping it here, with the stupid restrictions (only one website for account... how silly is that???).
apart from this, started my essay today, but i will have to delete at least half of what i've already written because i've realised it's not that relevant... *sigh* plus i HAVE to finish it tomorrow if i wanna see jay, and i can't really be bothered. and now, with the fact that i've had to upgrade mt, it's past 2 o'clock... damn, there's no way i'll get up at 10 tomorrow. bollocks.
also, i met sameen for coffee, which was nice. talked about the most random things... obviously. t'was fun.
bed for me now! dear, in this new version of mt the user interface looks sooooo sexy...

jay has been ill for the last three days so i couldn't go see him today. sniff. not fair... i feel like i'm on a comedown and i'm missing my drug. i need to see him... i miss him too much. it sucks.
i'm supposed to write this damn essay, but... i really can't be bothered, obviously. :) i started re-reading the short story i'm doing it on last night at like... 2? i have a pretty clear idea of what i need to write about, the problem now i actually writing it... meh.
apart from that, nothing much is going on. went shopping today; i spent £ 40 and now i have enough food to last me for a lifetime, and the only thought of actually eating it makes me sick. *lol* i am a weirdo, i know...
i really want a nice, new tiny phone. like the samsung e700. but first, i can't afford it (it's a £ 150 or so). and second, my contract with three is until april minimum (stupid 12 month contracts). and i do need my free minutes and free texts... i can't really use pay as you go. if only stupid 3g phones weren't so ugly and big!!! damn.

i always say i won't take any new year's resolutions, but fck it, i'll do it. just to check what i've done this time around next year.
so, they are:
1. take better care of my friends, including my uni friends, my friends from school in italy, and all of my other friends in croatia and everywhere else. which means, more emails, phone calls, visiting trips and nights out.
2. keep working on my relationship with jay. argue less, do more of the things we enjoy. i could say spend more time chilling out with him but i already do that quite a lot. :)
3. do my best at uni, and don't worry about what my final grades will be. i just need to do my work as well as i can, that's all that matters. i need to take interest in my courses for what they are, something i've already been doing for the last four months. i just need to keep doing it.
4. find a job. possibly in london, but then... as long as it's something that interest me.
5. be happy. just be happy, and not worry about what people (i.e. my parents) want me to do, and not stress about things.
6. read books, listen to music, watch films, i.e. do things i enjoy doing. :)
sounds fair enough right?
also, i've finally uploaded pictures from scotland and christmas.
[edit] i forgot to make a list of my highlights for 2004... i was thinking about it last night before going to bed so i've gotta do it. :) so here they are:
- meeting jay and being in a normal relationship;
- finally going to an outdoor rave and having the best time;
- going to india;
- spending two wonderful weeks in croatia and especially motovun;
- being back in london for my birthday, even though i didn't do anything special for it;
- getting an ipod (eheheh);
- finding out about indie indie indie;
- getting a first and three 2is in my second year;
- going to scotland to see kirsty.
i think that's about it. it's quite good though! i can say i was satisfied with 2004, apart the first three months or so that were a bit crappy. hopefully, 2005 will be full of even more excitment and travelling and whatnot... [/edit]

bye bye 2004, welcome 2005! wow. another year is gone... feels weird doesn't it? guess that when i was a kid i didn't really have a perception of time like i do now, i.e.... a fcked up one. :)
new year's eve was fun, got to watch the fireworks at the london eye from waterloo bridge with sophie, paul and loads of his mates; by midnight i was already completely drunk, and it was all good fun (including peeing on the street and being seen by at least 10 people... lol). after the fireworks i met up with jay and his mates, and we then went home and had more to drink... it didn't go as well as i was hoping it would (long story), but i got everything i wanted. i spent half of the night with my friends and half of the night with my baby, and that's all that matters.
there's no doubt that 2005 will bring a lot of change into my life... something that scares the shit out of me. but i'm sure everything will go well; i've been lucky until now and i believe i'll keep being lucky. in the end, i've got lots of things to look forward to, independence, my story with jay, my friends around... it will all be very interesting, without a doubt.
now i need to start thinking about essays and such again... *sigh*