March 2005 Archives

things with jay are sort of better... momentarily. we'll see tomorrow when i go up to harlow. meh.
coming back to london was soooo nice though, i was able to talk to sameen & sophie a lot, which helped me (not having anyone to talk to does make things a lot more difficult). plus no more phone calls with huge arguments with my parents in the room next door. yay! -__-
yesterday we went to a fun faire in finsbury park which was fun... lol, a bit lame actually, but fun! it was a bit rainy so there was literally NO ONE there. only us, two or three couples and this group of parents with lots of kids. the best ride was by far the waltzers, i felt so ill by the end of it though! almost couldn't walk. and paul won me a cuddly toy at the darts. lol. i don't think i'd been to a fun faire since i was... 12 probably...
now i've gotta go into uni and give books back because i'm building up a fine... argh. £5 in a year isn't that much though, considering how many books i've taken out. also, essay no. 1 is almost finished (the shortest/easiest one, but well). tonight i'll start working on one of the other two, can decide which one though. human trafficking & prostitution in south east asia or hiv/aids prevalence in thailand and the philippines? mmmh. hard choice.

the moving thing isn't on yet because the people at the hosting company gave me the wrong fax number. great.
things with jay are at breaking point, it's all so shitty and i'm not really sure what to do.
i haven't been this miserable in a long time. thank god i'm back in london and i have my friends to talk to.

tomorrow i'm sending off the fax to close my account with the company hosting this website and trasfer the domain to my other hosting contract. apparently it'll take them 7 to 10 days to close the account, damn they're slow. so... yeah, i'm not going to be updating for probably a week or so and the website will be down for a couple of days at some point. just thought i'd warn you. :)

i'm off home to paris tomorrow night, for a week. my mum is already planning going to the countryside somewhere in france, maybe she didn't understand that i've got WORK TO DO?!? i hope we'll just stay at home quietly and i'll be able to write this essay. well, i need to, really. after that i've got 18 days to write another two essays for a grand total of 7,500 words. yay. -__-
anyway, let's not stress about that (yet). i've just spent 5 days with jay, and it was... not perfect, because there's always a couple of arguments, a couple of things that go wrong, but as perfect as it could be. we procrastinated, watched a lot of tv, kissed a lot, went to the cinema twice and spent a lot of time sleeping... until 12, 1 in the afternoon; and there's nothing like waking up with your legs intertwined with those of the person you love, with a warm hand on your hip, with a face you adore in front of you...
before he drove me home today, he came out of the bath and sat on his chair, and he looked so sad. because he knew he was going to miss me so much, because we'd just spent time together. he said he was gonna miss waking up next to me, and lazying around, and kissing, and just being with me.
i cried out of happiness.

meh! i've got a webcam. a shitty one, indeed, but who cares??? i can cam whore now... bwahahah. and i've got a new hat too. isn't it lovely? paul said it looks like a tea cozy but i don't care. :)

thinking about next year... it's weird. i always thought, as soon as finish uni, i'll want to work all over the world.
but i don't.
i want to stay here, where my friends are, where my boyfriend is, where my life is.
considering i'm only going to be 21 when i graduate, is it so weird that i want a couple of years to sort out my life and decide what my career will be?
but i know for sure that it's what i want. stay here. move in with jay. chill out for a bit. earn some money. travel during the holidays. it's all i want. it's all i need.

my little evening (and night *grin*) with jay went wonderfully; we had the nicest dinner and the nicest time, and i realised how much i'd missed him and how much i love him. guess it wasn't so bad to see each other for 10 days? i mean, it was, really, but the rewards were great too. for once we were really nice to each other, and i even got up at 8 to make him breakfast even though i didn't have to get up until 11 or so. i'm such a nice girlfriend. :)
this essay is possibly the most boring, intricate and useless piece of work i will ever do. i understand the utility of discussing how does democracy happen, what actors and processes are involved and so on, but sometimes it really does get a bit too theoretical. i mean, democracy just happens or doesn't. i don't think we can control it that much, so what's the point of all the theories??? (don't worry, i know what the point is, otherwise i wouldn't be doing the course i'm doing, but i am slightly frustrated. lol)
only one week left this term, one week. the last week of my last proper term at university. it's all going to be over very soon! can't say whether i'm excited or scared or something else, or all of these things. pretty much numb to the whole thing at the moment. i just want to get on with my work really. monday: another lot of one pound coins going into the photocopy machine. i can't believe the amount of photocopying i've done this year. i must have spent at least £50 on photocopying and printing... meh.
dennis has opened a stall in camden lock last week, so i might go see it at some point. how cool is that? one of my friends selling psychedelic clothes and jewellery in camden. yay. :)
might have a bath now. cause, you know, i have written a huge amount of words for my essay. 417. yep, i'm being sarcastic. damn. stupid essay.

yes, indeed, i've neglected my blog lately. a lot of things have been going on...
last week i did all of my readings for my essay due next week, discussed my 'big essay' with my tutor (he said everything's fine and complimented me and basically told me he thinks i'm intelligent... argh, the expectations) and just generally did lots of work. i felt so proud.
and then it all went downhill. i was missing jay lots and i just had a complete fall. i went to sleep crying for four days in a row or something equally silly. i'm not even sure what i was upset about. then i got pissed off with jay and even more depressed... the last drop was spending saturday night on my own with not even a bit of sympathy from jay. i was just so pissed off. we ended up arguing lots and lots and lots until we agreed that there was no point to all the arguing and we love each other really. *lol* yeah. what a waste of four days... now things are more or less ok.
i'm finally seeing him tomorrow. i'm so excited... i can't wait. i've planned a nice dinner with steak and fresh vegetables and stuff... and lots of fun things. *eheheh* you know what i mean.
i went to the pub quiz tonight for the first time in a while... t'was fun, seeing james and fred and fred's mates, and susanna was there with her boyfriend too! which was nice. she's a lovely girl. :) got a bit drunk... ops. but i'm allowed to every now and again, i've been so boring this year. :P
oh and i wanted to say hello to borja... new reader. :) *waves her hand*

yeah. spent most of the weekend on my own... t'was depressing indeed. meh. i went a bit mental yesterday and jay didn't appreciate it, but well... thank god it's over now. -__-;
we went to the cinema to see hotel rwanda on friday night. i'd definitely recommend it, it was extremely well made... slightly depressing considering it's about the genocide in rwanda, but very good, with great actors... and it didn't shy away from criticising the UN and western powers and the way in which they just went it, picked up the white guys and left hundreds of thousands of people to die. so, yeah... go see it!
i was supposed to work on my essay but it just didn't happen. i've been in a foul mood for the last two days... grrr.

everything is ok, apart from the fact that this damn cold just doesn't want to go away. it's getting really annoying. now i'm at the stage where i can't really breathe because my nose and my throat are equally blocked up. fun.
last night we went for a quiet drink in the pub with dee and some (loads, actually) of his friends. it was a wetherspoon's, obviously, cause we're all broke... *lol* it was really nice actually, for a wetherspoon's. in camden, next to the canals. but anyway, we had a couple of drinks (i didn't drink too much, what with being ill and all, didn't think it would be a good idea, so i stuck to the singles), and spent a good few hours chatting utter rubbish. it was cool. i hadn't done that in a long time, and i'd been wanting to do it for ages... i've found that i enjoy quiet nights like that more than anything else (well, apart from my occasional psy trance rave). it's just nice, a few mates, a few drinks. and i do love talking bollocks. bwahahah.
anyway. i've spent today reading for my tutorial tomorrow and for my global refugee crisis essay (the big one that is due after easter holiday). my lecturer is leaving this week for the next six weeks or so, silly isn't it??? irritating actually. so i had to put a small plan of what my essay is going to be together so i can talk to him tomorrow, get some input, etc. but i'm satisfied that i'm doing some work, finally. the one essay i have to do for the end of term is also on its way; hopefully i'll be able to start it if not finish it at the weekend. that would be sooo good, to finish it 10 days in advance, because it would mean that i could do the literature one as well, which is relatively easy but i'd rather have out of the day. tomorrow afternoon is coffee with sameen; i promised i would see him this week and i've been really bad lately sooo... and i do need my weekly dose of coffee. eheheh. :)
friday night is cinema with sophie, liz and sophie's friend nka (i've just had to enquire about how to spell her name, erm), to see hotel rwanda which sounds like a really really really good film...
what a busy week. it's weird, i know i will miss jay by the end of it, but then i know that by sunday i will have got SO much done. like more than i've done in the last two months. at the same time it's because i haven't done anything in ages that now i have this surplus energy to do work, really... meh.