April 2005 Archives

despite having done very little in terms of revision in the last few days, i've been incredibly busy... yes, a contradiction in terms, indeed.
but kirsty got back on wednesday, and it's lovely having her here. i've missed that girl A LOT in the last few months. she's so much fun; the three of us (the 'three witches') have already acted like complete idiots together a couple of times, so it's all good. :)
i've decided not to stress too much about the next two exams i have to revise for, because they're both easy. one of them i already know what's going to come up so i only need to do three topics (of which i've already done one and a half, basically). the other one, hiv/aids & development, really isn't too hard. so the only one i'm really worrying about so far is gender & development, but i'm sure it'll be fine.
thanks to my incredible contacts, i've now decided where i want to live next year (if i move in with jay and one of his current flatmates, that is). docklands, but one of the posh bits; in one of those really luxurious new developments, brand new flats, en-suite bathrooms, views of london... very nice. :) i'm quite excited actually. well not too much because i'm not even sure it's going to happen! but you know, it's always a possibility.
the other night jay came to see me on a whim; something he hadn't done in god knows how long. i might worry about him fancying the cheeky girls and kate lawler, but you know... he can be very nice. and we're all in love and supercute again, it's like having a second... honey moon period, lol. it's been brilliant. it's just all kisses and i love you's and hugs and holding each other, it's so nice. i'm really happy.
only thing that stresses me out... my parents are gonna come over at the weekend. argh. argh. argh. i'm going to be so tired by the time it's monday.
but this should be a very very very fun weekend for other reasons. i'll keep you informed on that one.

ecco, devo scrivere qualcosa in italiano che morea ha detto che non scrivo mai nella mia cara lingua madre... effettivamente ogni tanto ho l'impressione che l'italiano me lo sto dimenticando. ormai sembra quasi strano parlare in italiano o scrivere in italiano... alla fin fine parlo inglese con tutti i miei amici, il mio ragazzo, all'universita'... sono arrivata al punto che mi sento un po' italiana e un po' no; vagamente deprimente!!! sono senza patria. :)
let's go back to english now! see, can't write in italian. it feels too weird.
everything seemed bleak at the beginning of the week, and now everything's just... wonderful. revision is going good. gender & development is really hard but i've more or less tackled it now. only have one topic to revise for it, the one i did for my essay, so that should be finished today. next week it's going to be hiv/aids & development and south east asian literature, and they're both quite easy, so yay!
yesterday was our anniversary. a year ago i was waking up to a sort of stranger, after a wonderful night... and we're still together, and it seems like the crisis is over. jay told me something fantastic, and things are all good again. i won't say what it is yet because i don't want to jinx it!!! but it's something that made me really happy.
last night was lovely... we went out for dinner (masala zone, a very nice indian in angel) and then spent a few hours here, and after jay left i went to sleep HAPPY, just fell asleep nicely.
i feel very happy.

my three essays are all in, three days early, how amazing is that? eheheh. :)
now i think i'm going to spend the weekend relaxing and deciding on my revision... i.e. what topics i'm going to do, etc. tomorrow i'm meeting greg for lunch in covent garden, hopefully the weather will be nice!!!
i have a huge horrible spot on my chin. it's really irritating me. :/ yeah, not very interesting news but it is bugging me!!! lol.

after a completely unexpected bout of binge drinking, i've missed two days of work (mostly because of recovery time with the added effect of ER season 1 on dvd delivered straight to my door). so tomorrow i've got to finish this essay, and on friday everything will be refined for the final time and printed out.
i've also just planned my schedule for the whole exam period. the good thing is, my exams will be over in exactly two weeks. and i do have three full weeks to revise, which gives me more than enough time considering most of my exams are relatively easy (2 questions in 2 hours, which really isn't much). i've calculated around 5 days of study/revision per exam (a bit more for the last one, cause i have more time and it's my hardest one). it sounds very manageable, if i keep it up and am a good girl, from now on with no exceptions.
wow. i can't believe this is happening. my last exams. seriously... WOW.

i always feel so much yearning, for a perfect life, a perfect love, a perfect degree, a perfect house, a perfect everything. it used to be silly dreams of a little girl who knew nothing; now i still don't know much but i've accepted it and i'm adapting my dreams to reality, i just want simple things. i want...
to be able to get a good degree, and show the world i've learnt things, i've enjoyed my time at universities and i've been passionate about things.
to be able to have a job that gives me enough money to live on and lets me come home and rest with no worries.
to be able to come home to a nice place, a nice, bright room, with my books and my things, some green outside my window, somewhere in london, i don't really care where.
to be able to make my parents proud, show them that i don't need to go off to africa (at least not yet) to do something with my life.
to be able to keep my relationship going and show jay that we can be together and it's all worth it, to develop and grow and enjoy life together.
to be able to keep reading books and watching films and listening to music and make myself a culture of the things i love.
to be able to meet up with my friends for a coffee or for a drink or anything else, and talk and bitch and discuss and share.
to be able to go out, every now and again, and feel alive from the sole of my feet to the tip of my nose, everything around me perfect and vibrating as it should be.
to be able to go back to my other homes, paris italy and croatia, only every now and again, to see the people i love and care about.
the only thing i can't have, and i want more than anything (but i will get used to the idea that it will come one day, not just yet)...
to be able to come home to the person i love and have that sort of intimacy that i need to keep myself strong day in and day out.
i was watching tv yesterday, and some said... something like 6 young people out of 10 want to be famous. i don't want any of that. i just want some peace of mind.

yep. finished earlier on today, a grand total of 5,400 words! scary innit? bwahahah. anyway, now i've got to start essay no. 3, aka the last essay i'll ever write. or well, the last essay i'll be writing for a good while. if i can finish before next week that means that i can start revising for exams early.
i'm being too good. seriously. what's wrong with me?!?

damn. i keep seeing babies and thinking that i want one. what is wrong with me??? (hey, don't worry, i don't plan on getting pregnant for another 10 years or so).
i finished essay number one, and now i need to seriously start on the other ones, because they are so damn long! but i've got all the material i need, so it's just really a question of putting things together and writing them down. boring though... hopefully i can finish the 5000 word one in the next week or so and then concentrate on the last one.
speaking of uni, my exam timetable SUCKS. so much. it goes as follows:
09/05 - the global refugee crisis (1 unit) - 2 questions, 2 hours - 50% of the final mark
10/05 - south east asian literature in translation (1 unit) - 4 questions, 3 hours - 80% of the final mark
13/05 - HIV/AIDS and development (1/2 unit) - 2 questions, 2 hours - 70% of the final mark
16/05 - issues in gender and development (1/2 unit) - 2 questions, 2 hours - 70% of the final mark
27/05 - state & society in asia & africa (1 unit) - 3 questions, 3 hours - 80% of the final mark
which leaves me more or less 20 days to prepare for four exams. thank god it's all of the easiest ones first, and then i've got a week to prepare for the last one. should be alright (but stressful).
i went to see jay yesterday, which was lovely. we didn't argue once, we just kissed and talked to each other and enjoyed each other, which is exactly what i wanted. my tactic of wearing make-up worked, lol, because he said i looked really pretty... so i actually felt pretty for the first time in ages... which is always nice. anyway, last night we went to play poker at tom's house. now, i can't play poker, so they had to teach me... i'm not sure i've got the right head to play poker, lol. i did pretty well actually, that is, until i gave my chips to jay because i couldn't be bothered to play anymore and he lost. damn. it was a lot of fun though, and by the end of it i literally couldn't stop giggling. after that we had a lovely night of sleep... there's nothing like sleeping in my boyfriend's arms.
i was supposed to meet greg for lunch today, but when i got up i found out that the bloody central line was closed, well half of it, so there was no way i was going to get there on time. so i texted greg, apologised and went back to sleep until 12 (lazy bum! lol). i love sleeping with jay, even in a single bed like we did last night... mmmh. it's so cozy and perfect. but yeah, anyway, so i had to take a replacement bus service from epping to woodford which took ONE HOUR (on the tube it would take around 15 minutes). so it took me about two hours to get home. great.
and now, a night chilling out in front of the telly, preparing psychologically cause tomorrow I'M STARTING THIS BLOODY ESSAY ON HUMAN TRAFFICKING. argh.