i always feel so much yearning, for a perfect life, a perfect love, a perfect degree, a perfect house, a perfect everything. it used to be silly dreams of a little girl who knew nothing; now i still don't know much but i've accepted it and i'm adapting my dreams to reality, i just want simple things. i want...
to be able to get a good degree, and show the world i've learnt things, i've enjoyed my time at universities and i've been passionate about things.
to be able to have a job that gives me enough money to live on and lets me come home and rest with no worries.
to be able to come home to a nice place, a nice, bright room, with my books and my things, some green outside my window, somewhere in london, i don't really care where.
to be able to make my parents proud, show them that i don't need to go off to africa (at least not yet) to do something with my life.
to be able to keep my relationship going and show jay that we can be together and it's all worth it, to develop and grow and enjoy life together.
to be able to keep reading books and watching films and listening to music and make myself a culture of the things i love.
to be able to meet up with my friends for a coffee or for a drink or anything else, and talk and bitch and discuss and share.
to be able to go out, every now and again, and feel alive from the sole of my feet to the tip of my nose, everything around me perfect and vibrating as it should be.
to be able to go back to my other homes, paris italy and croatia, only every now and again, to see the people i love and care about.
the only thing i can't have, and i want more than anything (but i will get used to the idea that it will come one day, not just yet)...
to be able to come home to the person i love and have that sort of intimacy that i need to keep myself strong day in and day out.
i was watching tv yesterday, and some said... something like 6 young people out of 10 want to be famous. i don't want any of that. i just want some peace of mind.