i'm still upset, of course.
i don't know what to think anymore. i just can't seem to let go and i keep hoping and hoping. continually checking old conversations and old emails and whatnot... feel like crying each time i think about it all hard enough.
today i met up with a girl i used to go to school with years ago, anna. it was slightly surreal and very interesting. she's kept in contact with so many people i didn't even remember existed, and it was nice to hear how they're getting on. talking about random things, london, sex, music, cinema and whatnot. it's weird to find someone you share a past with and suddenly you've both changed so much. it seems so long since i was at school...
my room is almost completely packed. the only things left to put away are clothes, duvet and a few bits here and there. i've decided to get rid of a lot of stuff, so i'm leaving lots here and i have prepared two big bin bags for the charity shop. first time in my life i actually get rid of stuff like this... it feels good. :)
i'm looking for a new start, you know. god knows if i'll have one. i feel so confused and upset still.
i still eat little and sleep little. feel like i haven't slept properly in weeks... dammit.
next week i'll be home... away from all of this. it's going to be so weird.