jay is going to give me that drawing he made of me naked (back in september of last year... it seems like yesterday dammit) and i'm going to get it framed. i want to keep all the good memories forever and i'm trying really hard to get over all of the bad stuff and just let go.
but what are you supposed to do when suddendly being in love with someone goes from being the best thing in the world to being considered wrong by everybody?
i just don't understand how this happened all of a sudden. i guess it was sudden for me but not for him. and i keep questioning myself: how did i not notice? is there something i could have done?
i need to blame myself because i refuse to believe that it was doomed from the start, that it was never meant to happen. i've given too much to think that way and it just hurts. because no matter what everybody says, i've loved him so much and so deeply and won't accept that the intimacy that we had was not meant to be in some way.
i'd rather think that something went wrong along the way because of our mistakes than think that it would never have worked out anyway.
(i apologise if this blog has become somewhat mono-thematic, but you know... my whole life is mono-thematic at the moment. someone said to me, the second week is the worse. but i feel like i'm slowly coming out of it. so soon i'll be talking about other things as well, don't worry...!)