moving all of my stuff out tomorrow. i've organised it all, have my storage space reserved. i've thrown out so much stuff and it feels very good. even though i still have lots left. :) i've only kept the things i'm really attached to or i really like. everything else is going... from clothes to shoes to pots to glasses to rugs... thank god because otherwise i would just have too much. i still have 6 boxes, three suitcases and probably a couple of bags with duvets, lamps, etc.
last night i went into complete overdrive and was sitting in my room crying with sophie and paul talking to me until i felt better... it keeps getting better and then worse. i'm tired of this rollercoaster of emotions, because they're all negative and as bad as each other. jay is getting pissed off with me and i understand him, because at the end of the day he did break up with me. but i know that next week i'm going probably for a long time (7, 8 months?) and that's making it so much harder.
i don't think i can express the way i feel with words because i don't really know how i feel... all of this happening together, end of uni, leaving this place, breaking up with jay. it's weird. i thought i would start my new life next year with someone next to me and that made it a lot less scary, but now that security is gone. i need to get used to it and it's becoming harder and harder.
i will never regret having fallen in love with jay and putting so much trust in him. i will never regret doing as much as i did for him. i will never regret any of it. but this is so horrible and so painful, and i hate the fact that i'm not just going to get over it overnight.
it will happen at some point eh?