there's nothing in the world that sounds more boring to me than feeding ducks. ah ah ah.
oh well...
and a year ago exactly, this is what was said about me:
"i met her and my life has changed. she has made me a better person. she has nurtured my growth. she has encouraged, inspired, driven me. she is the reason i held on. the reason i didn't despair. the reason i am where i am both spiritually and physically. she is all i hoped for, she is a real woman. she is brave, she is intelligent, she is a true and wonderful friend. she makes me smile, she makes me really smile. she loves unconditionally, she does unconditionally, she is unconditional. she is beautiful, she has a beautiful soul, she has a beautiful voice. she makes me feel wanted, needed, loved, intelligent, gifted and unique. she is incredible."
how things change in a year... the only thing you really ever understood about me... i am unconditional, and i've forgotten about it, and fuck this, i'll never compromise again. i need and deserve only the best, and i'll prove it, i'll make my life into what i want it to be... with the people who respect me and love me, these people i've been talking to and spending time with in the last three months, all of you... loving unconditionally, all of you, is what i have to do.
i always end up coming to the same thing, my friends, my family... you are the people i need to be thankful for. the last three months have been at the same time the worst and the best of my life. at the end of the day, this is what i am, a huge contradiction, and i needed to feel the lowest i've ever felt to realise that i have everything going for me. this has been such a huge lesson... i won't forget, and i'm sorry but i won't forgive either. i feel stronger, much stronger than i've ever been, despite my crises, my crying attacks, despite everything. i know who i am and i love myself. i will never let anyone make me feel like i'm not worth the effort ever again.
so much love, so much affection. so many people i have talked to, so many people who have told me that this was just so wrong, that i deserve better, so many people, so many...
i will never dedicate all of my love and all of my attention to just one person; it needs to be spread, the vanina love... lol. the friendships i've built on in the last few months, that already existed or were just created, those, i will have forever, and they will always mean so much to me.
and after my little digression, to my life... i'm still in italy... sophie and paul were here for a couple of days, which made me so happy... and then jana, banana, goran, daniel... i've had such a great time, the best birthday ever, the birthday i always wanted, with so many of the people i care about around me...
(and jana just walked to where i am sitting and gave me a kiss on the cheek, and i went 'ooooh!' and i am happy, so happy)
i have so many memories, and so excited about... applying for MAs, and yes of course seeing my english mister soon, and then, and then! travelling! i can't wait, i'm finally getting excited, scared but excited, i want to start buying the things i will need, i want to plan everything, i can't wait! it'll be such a great experience...
and finally, cortona today, wearing tops my mum wore in the 60s and 70s and 80s, looking around, having coffee on the piazza, with little notebooks and dedications, sun and focaccia with ricotta and spinaci... a train station and a huge hankerchief... banano! gorane! i will miss you so much.
i'm in love with my life.
i am happy.
p.s. everybody should download i'm not a virgin by poe. it's the best song EVER!!! XD