happy birthday jay.
"how we convince ourselves: we are the treasure no one has found, the angels nobody has seen. but now we need to grow up, be more honest. accept that we are on our own. no one has the duty to love us. if someone we love will love us back, it won't be our right but a rare and unforeseeable gift".
marco mancassola, il mondo senza di me
i'm liking this book a lot; it's about 21 year olds who listen to the same music i listen to, go to the same sort of places i go to on a saturday night, go through the same sort of problems... i've already written down so many quotes on my little moleskin.
so here i am, on my own again. everybody has gone; jana was the last one to leave yesterday and it feels weird to think that i won't see any of those guys again until probably next year. my friends... i love you all.
so here is my last proper week of summer. i will be leaving for london on the 2nd of september. i have so much stuff to do out there, sort out applications for my MAs (oxford, sussex, soas), move my stuff out of storage and somewhere else, and well... spend time with my friends... and giles... i can't wait. i miss london, even though this morning i realised how hard it will be for me to be there. too many memories, and not just because of jay, because of everything else that has ended. the place is too heavy in memories, i think there will be an overload, and i'll probably burst out crying somewhere weird at some point - but sadness... sadness i can cope with. melancholy. it's who i am - one of my profiles on the internet says: nostalgia makes me cry more than anything else. i think that's the first thing i can say about myself. maybe it's silly, how i'm geared towards the past, but i'm not really.
enjoy the present, and i am enjoying it, i am happy. sad but happy, if that makes any sense.
(and how can i not end with the usual contradiction?)