January 2006 Archives

going to medan tonight...
the big city...
shops...
restaurants...
beauty salons...
wow.
i don't think i've ever been so excited about such trivial things. :)
(medan is the biggest city on sumatra and third biggest in indonesia - and let me tell you, when you've spent 3 months in a 10,000 people town, that IS exciting...!)

haven't posted in so long. duh.
in the last few weeks i have, despite the uncertainty (of everything and everyone in my life), found a new serenity. i feel happy and satisfied. and i have some sort of plan. i do, really.
my plan is...
after i finish here, travel some more, go to australia to see jana... see more of malaysia and thailand and also cambodia and laos. spend the last few days in bangkok to do LOTS of shopping.
to go back home, to paris, first, chill out for a couple of weeks.
then to go back home, to london.
find a place. possibly on my own, i'd love that. unfurnished. get furniture off my parents. get together a nice, cute little flat.
find a job. possibly at the same time as the above. possibly with a charity (which would be the best). but basically something interesting enough that i don't want to kill myself and good enough that i earn enough money to have a good lifestyle.
in 2007, do my masters. so not this year anymore. i've also changed subject - i want to do something a lot more specific. at the moment, my money's on an MSc in Social Policy and Development at LSE. specific enough but i think it would allow me to work both in europe and abroad.
and then... well i think i've planned enough right?
but a big part of it all is that i want to keep being like i am right, serene and happy, and i want to develop independently, have my friends close to me, watch films, read books, and have some stability. i feel like i really need that - i'm sorry i'm not like i thought i was. i mean, i want to travel and shit, but i can't imagine living my life moving from developing country to developing country every six months. i need my life, something stable and sure.
so what do you think?

why are goodbyes always so hard for me, even though I KNOW they're not forever?
leaving people behind, or being left behind... it makes me so sad. i've had so many goodbyes in my life, and still i can't get used to them. i should be happy, having people all over the place who care about me.
i guess i need to be glad there's someone else i really care about, someone else i'll want to see and i can visit in the future, and it doesn't matter i won't see him for a while.
i'm just scared of getting lonely out here, because... there's no support system, so to speak, there aren't that many people i consider friends, and one less makes a big difference.
well. i have no choice but to get used to it.
how much have i changed since a year ago?