received a psychotic rant from ex yesterday. was told i was selfish, then that he's 'madly in love with her and she's thin and beautiful'... how low can you go? i'm glad these things don't affect me anymore, it's just so obvious what his intentions are, he's trying to hurt me and you know what? FUCK OFF, i'm not letting you do that anymore. i've made a choice and that choice is that i do not want to surround myself with people who are bad for me anymore. so here you go.
i am proud of what i've done in the last 12 months. i have come out of one of the best universities in the UK with a first, i spent half a summer fighting depression and half a summer having a wicked time with my best friends, had a wonderful 21st birthday, decided to come out here on a whim and actually DID IT, got a job with an NGO with people who liked me so much they asked me to stay (and i'm getting paid as well), and got into oxford for postgrad without even an interview. which is, i think, all pretty good - i'm not big headed, i just want to start appreciating myself because it's time i did it.
i have also made a lifestyle choice, which is not to be in a relationship again for a while. and that's because i feel i need to learn to be on my own before i can be with someone properly. my constant need for support has made me make some bad choices, and that won't happen again. right now i need to focus on my education, my career, my friends and my family, because those things are my future. they are what makes me feel happy and fullfilled.
i don't need to explain myself to him, but it really pisses me off how he's still trying to hit me in those sore points which HE KNOWS are my weaknesses. as i said, you can't go lower than that.
i'm happy, i haven't had this peace of mind in so long. i am happy with what i am and what i am doing, and i think you can see that from my entries from the last few months. all i want to do is just keep improving myself and get the stability i need in my life, which is not a stability of place or job but the stability of my soul. cheesy, i know, but it's true.
other than psychotic rants, yesterday my wallet was stolen... i only had about 4 quid inside and no documents, so it's not really a problem. shame for the wallet though, t'was nice (green eastpak wallet i'd bought especially for this trip). need to buy another one actually. it was quite funny really - it happened while i was doing supervision of payments in a village not far from here, so i told our monitor and the police... the moment i told them they started calling the chief of village and making this big fuss which i didn't really want, but they were truly surprised and probably more pissed off than i was! it ended in nothing, but it was nice to see people actually care.
i also finally received a parcel my mum sent me aaaages ago, so i now have another nice pair of trousers (only had two when i got here, must have around 8 now, errrr), two of my favourite tshirts (green, of course), a nice indian shirt and two really interesting books... i love the fact my parents always do stuff like this. it's like when my dad used to send me a postcard every couple of days, when i first moved out. they're so sweet. yep, i love my parents, how sad. :)
met a couple of really really nice people on myspace, which makes me happy. the net is great for these things.
tonight we had a little karaoke party since three of our projects have ended so about half of the local staff has left - i don't understand why they like to keep the volume so high in this country. tsk. they tried to get me to sing but i refused, lol. only sung an italian song with nicolo' and francesco after everybody had left. :) but there were a couple of people who sung really well - and it seems like everybody here can play the guitar really well!!! and play badminton. lol.
had a bit of a temperature yesterday but feeling good now. it's raining outside and i love the sound of rain... come on, aceh isn't so bad. :)