why do i always have to be so scared that my mind (or my heart) are lying to me?
was i really not sincere in the past or is that just something i convinced myself of so that i didn't have to feel stupid? i think the latter is without a doubt the right answer, but admitting to that makes me feel like a coward for not facing up to the fact that i've lost some good things in my life. so i'd rather be scared? it makes no sense, does it.
i am messed up in many ways and it's starting to show. that worries me.
opening up is never easy and right now, i feel there is a lot of stuff going on in my head, on so many different fronts, i am not sure anyone could really like me if they knew it all.
being scared of so much is getting tiring. i cannot spend my time being afraid i am not enough, not clever enough, not studious enough, not passionate enough, not sincere enough, when really, i am trying my best.
maybe i have to accept the fact that i am not perfect and never will be; that my best is never going to be good enough, or maybe that i don't need to be perfect to be good enough (depending on whether i want to be positive about it or not).
it is all a big mess in my head and i need to sort it out. i'll get there.
i guess i can start by doing my stats assignment for next week... oh joy.
this is turning out to be a lot more challenging than what i thought. all of it. my mental sanity feels very shaky right now...