so far 56 pictures of me have been tagged on facebook. they're all from the last six weeks and (i'm afraid) i'm drunk in most of them. maybe i should stop going out so much...
in fact, i have been going out a bit less. that's all to do with the insane amount of work i need to do; but tonight i feel much, much better about it. my anthro essay is worked out and only needs to be written (around 2,000 words since the introduction is done), which can be done tomorrow in a couple of hours. i have a lot of assignments in the next three weeks but i'm confident i'll be ok - book for anthro presentation has been read, stats assignment will be worked out collectively, economics presentation shouldn't be too hard and at least it's interesting, economics essay is only 1,500 words and group assignment should definitely be ok. it's weird how 'not doing a lot' here would really mean 'i'm working so fuckin' hard' somewhere else. i'm enjoying it on some masochistic level though. of course, i still hate half of my courses, but i'll survive. i should be clever enough for that - or otherwise i wouldn't be here right?!?
from a psychological point of view i also feel better - i've come to the conclusion that right now there are two issues i really want to work out in my head: 1. i need to stop whingeing so much (it's in my genes, i swear!) and 2. i need to be a lot less insecure, or maybe, i need to stop unloading my insecurities on people. in a lot of ways i've become much better, but it does annoy me when i get these weird paranoias in my head about how people don't like me. discussing things with m made me realise that the problem simply is that the image i have of myself in my head is completely misleading - in my brain i still feel like the girl i was at 17, with almost no social life, few friends and a lot of inferiority complexes. i haven't quite realised how much i've changed yet. i want to accept this incredibly social, hyperactive, bubbly me that i've been for the past six weeks.
i think this place will make me grow in a variety of ways i could never even have imagined.
and now i'm waiting for m to come back. is it very silly that i haven't slept on my own for... five? six days? i don't even know anymore, i've lost count. waking up next to someone still is the best though (as is kissing).
all this is making me very stressed out, very happy, very fulfilled, very... relaxed. strangely.