the photo represents the way i feel today; disconnected from the world, wanting to hide away so i can avoid everything.
things have been piling up today because i decided it was necessary for me to have a day off after discovering that i'd gotten up an hour too late for my class (i could still have made it if i'd run, but that's definitely not my style!). it just seemed a good occasion to let go of things completely so i can get back into a routine where i do work on a daily basis from tomorrow.
it's not that i have huge amounts to do; i think it's intellectual fatigue more than anything else, just not being able to cope with the idea of stuffing even more information into my head. i feel more and more ignorant every day, and i think that's because i'm trying to fit way too much into my brain.
it didn't help that i felt completely ignored today, and that is not something i take well. i can appreciate i'm not the only one who's having a shit moment, but i do need some level of understanding - which i'm perfectly prepared to give back. maybe i'm just making things into something bigger than what they are, but i'm still angry and i'm still upset.
maybe i expect too much, i don't know.
hopefully the mood will get better tomorrow. i need to get back into it, and i need to do it well.
i just wish i could have a holiday from life. just a couple of extra days, you know. i think being so un-busy for my whole year out really did not help. i'm not used to pressure anymore and it's killing me.
i miss you.