that thing, that urge, it's back. i felt it again, not even a minute ago, looking at someone's picture of portland at night. i want to go away, see more, feel more, i want to travel!
and yet i can't, i won't be able to, for at least a good year. not properly anyway.
how do you balance these things, dreams and the realities of work and life and money...
sometimes i really wonder whether i've taken the right route. maybe i should have done something else, maybe my destiny was somewhere else. maybe right now i should be on the other side of the world, doing something else... or should i?
i find it confusing when life here is so intense the rest of the world disappears - every now and then i realise how there is something outside of oxford, friends, family, places, and how this place makes me forget them every day. but then, forgetting can be so good, a life so limited in space and time can be so good. for the first time in a long, long time i feel part of something. and it's not the something london was, it's not the happiness of being in a big city and being able to walk down the street and no one knows you... it's the beauty of being somewhere that is mine, saying hello to people down the street, owning every step.
balancing things, it's hard. it really is.
(and this is not to say i'm unhappy, i am very happy, it's just that it's amazing how i get more and more confused about life every day life goes by)