I have epiphanies all the time, great moments when I realise great truths about life, and my life in particular. And sometimes, they last whole days, and they put a grin on my face as I go to bed, and make me fall asleep happy and satisfied. Today was one of those days, and I feel happiness oozing from my pores.
It started as a conversation with h after dinner, drinking coffee and smoking on the balcony. We were talking about the day we got accepted at Oxford, and our very similar reactions (read email, open your mouth, then start jumping around and feel giddy). It reminded me of how, before being accepted, I'd decided that a master's wasn't for me, I was going to get a job and become independent and whatnot. And then, the moment I got that email, all of that left my mind in a flash, and I thought: "There is no way I can miss this opportunity." Since then a lot of things have changed. Oxford has disappointed me in some ways, mainly academic, but everything else has been so much better than anything I could have ever imagined, there is no way I could leave now. The people I've met there, the life I've built, the lifestyle I have... It's incredible.
And as the day went on it dawned on me that this, this is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Being part of this close knit community makes my life better in so many ways I can't even describe. Everyday I spend time with amazing people, some of whom it took me a while to get to know (like N., whom I've just shared a cigarette with, who seems so much happier, and that makes me happy), others with whom I clicked immediately (I. of course, my wife, my other half apart from M., who spends her time being OCD with me and smoking half of every cigarette I roll); all of whom I love dearly. And there's so many more, the girls (we have renamed ourselves the Wolfson witches today), the boys, the ones who cook, the ones who always bring the conversation down, the French one and the German one, Dominatrix, and everybody else (I feel guilty for not mentioning all the others, but there are so many of us!), all of us so different. But we eat together, we drink together, we live in the same place; and I think that might seem very claustrophobic to a lot of people, but to me it's like a breath of fresh air.
It's something I've never had before, and something I'm grateful for now.