November 2007 Archives

The essay has been finished (4,883 words), sent to supervisor, received back with comments, and awaiting editing. An extended essay written in 3 days does make me proud.
Now I'm awaiting a call from the organisation I have been working with, to discuss editing issues, structure and whatnot. This morning I woke up at 7.30, and since then I have had breakfast, had a bath, done two loads of washing, and gone through all of the feedback (from 6 different people) on the aforementioned report, to get ready for the 'tele-meeting' (ah, next thing you know I'll be using the word 'imagineering').
Yesterday I also presented my thesis structure at a class workshop, and received a few useful comments.
Basically, I'm in a flurry of activity after weeks of procrastination and feeling like nothing deserved to be done. Now I'm finally feeling the pressure, which is the key element for me to be productive. It feels good, to be busy, to have things to do, and to want to do them. It feels very good.
My change in diet I think also helped; at the moment I am logging in everything I eat (on this website) and it's helping me understand what I was doing wrong. It's also making me understand that eating healthy is not boring at all, actually, I haven't been hungry once. It's all about eating the right things, at the right time, and in moderation. So goodbye white bread and pasta and sugary cereal, welcome wholemeal bread and pasta and bran cereal... And lots of fruit and vegetables, which had definitely been lacking from my diet for a long time. Cooking for myself also makes me feel a lot more in control, and the feeling reverberates to the rest of my life.
Today, I feel good, really good. Maybe it's the barley grass powder?

It's back to the frantic clicking on the word count button, and the increasingly confusing piles of articles and photocopied chapters, and continued desperate attempts of procrastination. This time, I am slowly coming out of the rut, and I've started writing this damn 5,000 word essay. Which is always a great improvement! So the plan is: if I can finish two sections (or two and a half) today, and the remaining two (or one and a half) tomorrow, I can then write introduction and conclusion on Monday and send it off.
What makes me feel a lot better is that I've realised I actually know quite a lot about the Indian diaspora (the topic of this essay). I felt that because of my lack of enthusiasm for writing this (not the actual subject, just the writing!), I wasn't absorbing any of the information, but as it turns out... That was bollocks.
Anyway, next week I am going to be a busy busy bee. Finishing this draft off, going back to the big report draft (and hopefully finishing it off), and then go back to this essay once I get it back with comments, and hand it in. And then I need to start writing my thesis, oh, the joy!
Basically my holiday in Japan over Christmas will be my only moment of calm from now until June next year... Realising that is what, I think, is making me feel a little more motivated. Yesterday I started looking at my Rough Guide to Japan, and it got me so very excited. It also is very very helpful that M. has family in Osaka, which will be our base for most of the trip, which means: savings on accommodation = more spending on shopping. I want to buy lots of pretty Japanese things, and see many temples, and sleep in a Ryokan for at least a night, and jump in glee whenever I can. Can you tell I'm actually getting slightly overexcited about this?
Now it's time to have lunch. I'm dieting (GI diet all the way, even if I will occasionally have to disagree with its banning of alcohol and coffee) and it's actually great. I have quite a bit of energy, and feel very awake, which is a first in quite a while. Now I'm just hoping that it'll actually make me lose weight, because I am really struggling with this thing (putting on 20 kgs in two years is never a happy surprise).
I feel better today. Less discouraged.

Call me silly, but I felt very sad this morning when I saw this . I have been through the Waterloo Eurostar terminal countless times in the past ten years (and especially in the last five), and I will miss it. It has seen me grow, leave and come back endlessly, every time a new experience which filled my heart with emotion. From that terminal I have sent declarations of love, sadness, happiness and despair.
And in some ways, I've made history too, by getting on one of the last Eurostar trains to leave Waterloo yesterday.
Goodbye Waterloo International. I'll miss you.
(and being the emotional person that I am, it does kind of bring tears to my eyes. Apparently it will take at least a year for the terminal to be restructured for domestic departures. What a shame, it even won an architectural award when it was first built...)

I've spent the last two days stressing out about packing, photocopying, printing, attending meetings and whatnot. And then I decided it wasn't worth it, so I'm OK. I've gone for the lazy options - today, no work! I've gone into town, found lots and lots of readings for my essay and met with dear F. I was meant to do my washing before leaving for Paris tomorrow, but for the first time in my life I think I'll let my mum do it! And now I'm going to go to my meeting and present what I need to present, and fingers crossed everything will go fine.
Tonight I will just chill out and spend some time with my friends, finish packing and snuggle up to M. And tomorrow I shall go home!
I cannot wait to be pampered, even though being far from M (and my friends) for a whole week will suck a bit. I really do need a break from Oxford though, so it's not so bad. I can't wait to be in Paris! Somewhere different! Where people don't recognise me on the street! Where going to the shop only takes 3 minutes and I can go shopping as much as I want! Where someone will cook a home-made meal for me every night!
I am going to feel so spoiled. :)

This morning I woke up at 7.30, had coffee and breakfast and then a bath. Did a little surfing online, then left in time to get to the Anthropology library when it opened (9.00). Got the two books I needed, walked into town, printed out a dozen articles. Then went into the social science library, photocopied another five or six articles, and proceeded to read two of them. Went back to college, had lunch, and then spent a good five hours in my carrel, reading and taking notes. My last core essay (which is assessed and counts towards my final mark) will be on the changing nature of the Indian diaspora, and its role in the development of India. So far I've read only the material on diasporas generally, but I did need to since it will help me analyse the Indian diaspora specifically, so it's pretty good.
Now I only have to make this into a routine.
Yesterday I was going through entries from a year ago, and I seemed to be so much more productive than I am now. Was it the excitement of being Oxford, being given this chance? What is wrong with me now, why can I not be passionate about what I study anymore? I think I'm fatigued, and slightly depressed, and I've been pushing myself further and further into a rut.
But today has been a productive day, and now I just need to keep going. There is no point in thinking I should have started last week, or three days ago, or yesterday; I refuse to put my mental health at risk, and right now I feel very fragile. I'm not sure why; I think the summer with its lack of good weather and the realisation that I'm not so good at what I thought I would be good at (i.e. research) definitely dampened my mood for a while. I just needed a bit of time to get going again, I guess.
And now, to keep going with the productivity, I am going to go to the gym, have dinner, dress up as a witch and party the night away.
Oh, and I have decided...
I am going back to this hair colour and this haircut. So much easier (and really suited me).

I've spent the last two days working on this site, working out the new (evil) Movable Type codes. And this is the result, which comes from the fact that I thought since the previous layout had been up for a gazillion years, I might as well do a new one.
Is it just me, or does the previous sentence make no sense whatsoever?
Anyway, here is to a new layout. The photo at the top, like in the previous layout, changes every time you refresh. I've added a bunch of new photos though, and may be adding more at some point.
I need to stop procrastinating. Guess what? Tomorrow morning I am going into the library. The time has come to stop being lazy and finally doing some work. I need to pick up books from two different libraries, print out a few things in the department, and then write this damn last essay, or at least start writing it before I go home to Paris next week to get pampered (hairdresser, beauty salon, the works. I need it!).
And now, for something that actually does make me happy. The view outside my window not even five minutes ago still surprises me. Who knew such beautiful colours could exist in this part of the world? I guess I've been biased ever since I went to Asia.
Thinking of photos I've taken of windows takes me back to this entry. Who knew that my desires would be fulfilled so quickly? And look where I am now.