This morning I woke up at 7.30, had coffee and breakfast and then a bath. Did a little surfing online, then left in time to get to the Anthropology library when it opened (9.00). Got the two books I needed, walked into town, printed out a dozen articles. Then went into the social science library, photocopied another five or six articles, and proceeded to read two of them. Went back to college, had lunch, and then spent a good five hours in my carrel, reading and taking notes. My last core essay (which is assessed and counts towards my final mark) will be on the changing nature of the Indian diaspora, and its role in the development of India. So far I've read only the material on diasporas generally, but I did need to since it will help me analyse the Indian diaspora specifically, so it's pretty good.
Now I only have to make this into a routine.
Yesterday I was going through entries from a year ago, and I seemed to be so much more productive than I am now. Was it the excitement of being Oxford, being given this chance? What is wrong with me now, why can I not be passionate about what I study anymore? I think I'm fatigued, and slightly depressed, and I've been pushing myself further and further into a rut.
But today has been a productive day, and now I just need to keep going. There is no point in thinking I should have started last week, or three days ago, or yesterday; I refuse to put my mental health at risk, and right now I feel very fragile. I'm not sure why; I think the summer with its lack of good weather and the realisation that I'm not so good at what I thought I would be good at (i.e. research) definitely dampened my mood for a while. I just needed a bit of time to get going again, I guess.
And now, to keep going with the productivity, I am going to go to the gym, have dinner, dress up as a witch and party the night away.
Oh, and I have decided...
I am going back to this hair colour and this haircut. So much easier (and really suited me).
I think we are all pretty much going through the same unproductive period this year. Has been happening to everyone in our course with whom I've spoken about how I was feeling. Last year was too hectic, so I think slowing down the pace during these first weeks was healthy... and we know that things will get done eventually. However, the deadlines are approaching now and I do regret the time I lost. But I am sure that you'll be fine. In my view, you are great at researching, analysing data and writing. You just needed a rest.