Things are definitely spiralling out of control. I don't really feel like leaving my flat anymore and writing still isn't happening, or any other form of work for that matter. I feel depression looming very very close to me. It is so debilitating to go to bed every evening thinking of all things I'm going to do the next day, how I'm going to wake up refreshed and work so hard, and then being unable to even get out of bed in the morning, and bursting into tears for reasons I cannot even articulate. I sleep, I eat, I talk to people, I even go to lectures; overall, I do function, but my every action is like that of a robot. I don't really feel like myself at all.
I have set up a meeting with one of the university counsellors though, and hopefully they'll help me work through this. As M. said, at least I want to get out of this and that's a good sign.
I guess I will also have to speak to both of my supervisors about this, but I can think about that after I see the counsellor.
I never thought I could be so scared of failure to get myself into this state, really.
p.s. I know writing this here might not be a good idea, as there are plenty of people I know who read this. If you're reading this and know me and see me on a weekly basis, please do be discreet. In some ways I do still feel very embarrassed about my own weaknesses, and I would like people to keep thinking I am strong and get through stuff. It's just that I'm really not.