This is a somewhat random post: first, some news, and then, some reflections.

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After losing all sense of reality for a week or so and convincing myself I'd failed my course, I found out last week I have, indeed, passed. That means that for a week now I have been Vanina W., MPhil (Oxon). Or Vanina, the (a?) Master of Philosopy in Development Studies.

I also found out on the same day that M and I can keep our flat here until the 7th of September; which means - we don't have to move for a while yet! I still spent most of today re-organising my wardrobe, and getting together a huge bag of clothes to donate to Oxfam. Having nothing to do means I've gone all domesticated again: today I have tidied, cleaned, baked, and ironed...

And of course, I'm still obsessing with the song 'Fascination' by Alphabeat, i.e. the awesomest song ever.

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Once again, I find myself staying as others leave. Some of the best friends I've made this year have now left, and it makes me wonder how many more times is it going to happen to me - and how many more times I'm going to do the same to my friends. It breaks my heart to leave this life, my lovely Russian, life as a student - and yet I feel ready for the next step, whatever that might be.

I have spent the last few weeks feeling confused, and hurt by small and big things. Small things, like the fact that M lost his Starbucks mug, the one that goes with my Kyoto Starbucks mug, the one he uses every morning to have tea, somewhere in college... Small things like that upset me in such a weird way - they stick, somewhere in my brain, and I cannot get rid of them. I still get tearful now if I think of a beautiful art deco glass and metal fruit bowl which was stolen from my parents' house when I was 7 or so... And then the big things: like the fact that I haven't managed to build much of a relationship with most of my (now ex) coursemates. This is not to say I regret spending as much time as I have in college, and focusing on these friendships. I guess what makes me sad is the realisation that I will never be able to take advantage of all the chances which are given to me to do great things; that every time I make a choice, I might end up missing out on something...

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Another day, another evening in the bar. My friends are what I live for, and I will always be thankful for these two amazing years in Oxford.