September 2009 Archives

I don't know how to explain any better than I have already; too many contradictions, too much built-up emotion. One day maybe I'll find the words, but in the meantime I am left feeling interrupted and frustrated. How do you make somebody see what is evident to you (and others) but not the person in question? How do you explain that despite all the good things the bad things have had an effect, and it's painful and unnecessary? I now miss my home, the real home, the one with M, and I realise how lucky I am to be with somebody who's not just rational, but also understands himself and me.
I hate the fact that I'm left feeling mean, when all I'm trying to do is to be honest and find some peace of mind.
Families really are a difficult thing.

Some of my photos from Morocco are up; only a few, and I meant to do more, but somehow forgot! Just had a weekend all by myself, as M is off to Japan to see his cousin who's getting married. Actually, right now he's in Okinawa scuba diving, and I really wish I was with him. Instead of going to the office, which is dead dead dead, where I have nothing to do. I've actually had to start finding things to do because I'm not so good at procrastinating so much. I am very good at procrastinating at home though, of course. I've almost finished season 13 of ER, which gets more and more rubbish by the day (but I know I will be buying seasons 14 and 15, I can't help it!). Watched Weeds, which is amazing, and waiting on season 3 from a friend. And now have started really liking Waking the Dead, which really surprised me. That one I blame on RaeRae. We also went to see District 9 the other night. After getting over the fact that the style of filming made me incredibly nauseous, I really enjoyed it. It was so very interesting how we all had different theories about it when we came out at the end; we all saw different social critiques (apartheid, IDPs, migrant workers)... And I hate to confess I can almost see RaeRae's point about SciFi being a good medium of social commentary. Damn! I refuse to like Doctor Who though. On Saturday night I just stayed up until silly o'clock in the morning, outside the Wolfson bar, like always. And I'm pretty sure the ging was trying to sell people cutlery, and whisks... Sometimes I think I'm grown up, then I have weekends like the last couple I've had, and I realise I'm really not. And I'm really grateful for it. Being young and silly is cool. In fact, it's the new black, didn't you know?