I don't know how to explain any better than I have already; too many contradictions, too much built-up emotion. One day maybe I'll find the words, but in the meantime I am left feeling interrupted and frustrated. How do you make somebody see what is evident to you (and others) but not the person in question? How do you explain that despite all the good things the bad things have had an effect, and it's painful and unnecessary? I now miss my home, the real home, the one with M, and I realise how lucky I am to be with somebody who's not just rational, but also understands himself and me.
I hate the fact that I'm left feeling mean, when all I'm trying to do is to be honest and find some peace of mind.
Families really are a difficult thing.