When I was 15 or 16, my dream was actually to become either an interior designer or an architect. Around the age of 17, my (technical) drawing teacher was so impressed with my skills, that she told me I should absolutely become an architect. Then, for a whole lot of reasons, some to do with my mother being convinced I would be unable to get a job as an architect, some to do with the fact that I spent some time with a friend of my parents' who's worked in NGOs/aid for twenty years, I abandoned that dream and decided Development Studies was the thing for me.
I realise now, possibly too late, that it might have been a mistake. One big realisation of the last few months has been that, fundamentally, I do not want to work for an NGO. The UN, the European Parliament, DfID, maybe, but most definitely not NGOs. So in some ways I've come to believe that the I shouldn't have done the undergrad and postgrad courses I've done. This is not to say I didn't enjoy them or I wasn't good at them - I'm not stupid, I know that much, and consequently I've done very well in my discipline (even though not even well enough to be able to do a PhD in Oxford, not that I would want to!). But I do feel like there is a basic passion lacking, something is missing.
On the other hand, like my parents before me, I am extremely passionate when it comes to decoration, furniture, and generally things that make houses pretty. Hence my excitement about the new flat, and the fact that it comes unfurnished, which gives me the freedom of making a home for M and I (limited by money, of course, but better than nothing!).
So I've just spent the afternoon preparing inspiration boards of what I want our future flat to look like; the look will have to be built over time, since we won't be able to buy some things immediately (but you can bet I'll start saving ASAP for those few designer pieces!).
A bit of an explanation: the living, dining and study areas will all actually be in one, big room, which also will have the kitchen at one end. Basically it'll just be one big open plan living space. The bedroom, on the other hand, is separate, and is actually relatively big (big enough for the furniture in the board anyway!).


I wonder if I'll ever make anything of this passion. Probably not know, but who knows what'll happen in the future... In the meantime I'm enjoying this whole new flat business enormously. And have just had the piss taken out of me heavily by the lovely RJ, who thanks to me now feels like a normal human being.

My continued absence from here has been due to our flat-hunting, which was entirely depressing for a while as we found an awesome place and were later completely screwed over by the owner - who didn't reply to our application through the estate agent for a week, to then decide she was going to rent it out to someone who had never seen it but only wanted it for a couple of months because she was undecided about whether she wanted to sell it or not (dumbass, does she even know what a recession is? the flat is going to be worth even less by the time this tenant moves out...). But well, we were quite disappointed for a couple of days, and kept looking, until we found a lovely place which is 10 minutes from our college (so we can walk down whenever we feel like it to see out friends), in an awesome Victorian building... Look!

The photos don't actually do it justice. The kitchen and the living room (which are both in the image above) are actually all one gigantic room, which is going to be our living room/dining room/study, and on top of that there's a very decent sized bedroom (big enough to have a big wardrobe to fit all of our clothes, a double bed, and a big chest of drawers). It's a basement flat but the windows are actually all level with the ground (no limited view), and all you can see are the trees and greenery outside the house. It is oh so pretty!
It also comes unfurnished, as you can see from the pictures, which means we'll have to buy tons of furniture. We have a few things (a couple of small side tables, a two-seater sofa, a tv bench, and a cute small office drawer unit), but definitely not enough for a flat! So a big trip to Ikea will be on the cards... I've spent the last three days planning everything, and I feel like I should make an inspiration board of the kind of look I'm thinking of at the moment...
We're also not moving in until the 2nd of October, when I come back from India We're moving out of here on the 7th of September, and I'm leaving on the 11th - we'll stay with friends for those few days, and then M (who is already working for a consultancy here in Oxford) will stay with people for the duration of my trip to India. I feel guilty about making him live out of a suitcase, but he'll pretty busy with work and it also means we'll be saving some money on rent.
So yes, it is official, we're staying in Oxford for at least another year. This means that after spending the weekend setting up our new flat when I come back from India, I will be looking for work - most likely temping, at least initially.
It feels all very grown up - but it's going to be so much fun! I can't wait to have my own space (a real flat, not one we rent off our college!) to play with. I cannot wait for October to come (it's not like the weather is going to be that much worse anyway... This summer, as usual, has been pretty rubbish in rainy England).
Now I need to vegetate on the sofa for a bit, because I've been feeling like I'm coming down with the flu all day. Sigh.

Apparently, now I'm 24 I'm in my mid-twenties rather than my early twenties.
A bit depressing. Or exciting? I'm not sure. :)
Had a good pre-birthday party last night (to accommodate for people going places today), complete with silly music, shots at midnight, and cupcakes covered in 24 candles in lieu of cake. :) There were far too many people I would have wanted there missing, but you can't have everything (especially with a summer birthday, as I've learnt the hard way!).
And now what?

Many good things are happening. My ticket to India is booked, and the flat-hunting here in Oxford is going well. More news soon... And possibly photos! But now I have to go back to watching the Mighty Boosh, i.e. one of the best tv series in the history of the world.
Plus I have finally changed my tongue bar to a smaller one, and it's all healed up now! It looks awesome...
[p.s. comments are working again! Sorry for not noticing they weren't working in the first place...]

I'm in Italy, slowly remembering what summer feels like.
My skin is becoming more honey-coloured by the day.
My tongue is pierced and I can eat and speak normally again, and learning to love this new part of me (did you know that you cannot really be aware of your tongue unless it's pierced? It's pretty amazing to learn new things about your body every day).
I am eating a lot of good food (and getting annoyed with my parents, sometimes, for their complete lack of understanding of what food is and what it does for us, but that's a discussion for another day).
My lovely russian is here with me, and we spend many hours roasting by the pool, and being little frogs in the pool (her more than me). M is coming in a couple of days.
Life feels almost perfect. Now can I move all this to the UK? :)

I'm getting my tongue pierced on Tuesday.
Shit.
I forgot how scared of needles I am... I might pass out. In any case, I shall lisp for a few days.
And completely unrelated to lisping, isn't it a shame that when you've got nothing to do you can't procrastinate, since that involves avoiding some kind of activity?
But then, I am a total expert on the whole of Kevin Smith filmography apart from Jersey Girl now. And that can only be a great thing.

This is a somewhat random post: first, some news, and then, some reflections.

+ + +

After losing all sense of reality for a week or so and convincing myself I'd failed my course, I found out last week I have, indeed, passed. That means that for a week now I have been Vanina W., MPhil (Oxon). Or Vanina, the (a?) Master of Philosopy in Development Studies.

I also found out on the same day that M and I can keep our flat here until the 7th of September; which means - we don't have to move for a while yet! I still spent most of today re-organising my wardrobe, and getting together a huge bag of clothes to donate to Oxfam. Having nothing to do means I've gone all domesticated again: today I have tidied, cleaned, baked, and ironed...

And of course, I'm still obsessing with the song 'Fascination' by Alphabeat, i.e. the awesomest song ever.

+ + +

Once again, I find myself staying as others leave. Some of the best friends I've made this year have now left, and it makes me wonder how many more times is it going to happen to me - and how many more times I'm going to do the same to my friends. It breaks my heart to leave this life, my lovely Russian, life as a student - and yet I feel ready for the next step, whatever that might be.

I have spent the last few weeks feeling confused, and hurt by small and big things. Small things, like the fact that M lost his Starbucks mug, the one that goes with my Kyoto Starbucks mug, the one he uses every morning to have tea, somewhere in college... Small things like that upset me in such a weird way - they stick, somewhere in my brain, and I cannot get rid of them. I still get tearful now if I think of a beautiful art deco glass and metal fruit bowl which was stolen from my parents' house when I was 7 or so... And then the big things: like the fact that I haven't managed to build much of a relationship with most of my (now ex) coursemates. This is not to say I regret spending as much time as I have in college, and focusing on these friendships. I guess what makes me sad is the realisation that I will never be able to take advantage of all the chances which are given to me to do great things; that every time I make a choice, I might end up missing out on something...

+ + +

Another day, another evening in the bar. My friends are what I live for, and I will always be thankful for these two amazing years in Oxford.

Strangely, I've been busier since finishing than for the rest of this year. Greeting people outside their exams, punting, ordering booze for the bar, attending formal dinners and balls, and of course, drinking a lot. Also, weeping at Italy's stupid loss against Spain. Oh well.
Everything is getting far too intense though - people leaving, people upset about leaving, and some upsetting news about old friends... It's been a weird couple of weeks.
I'll feel better one M and I can finally sit down and decide what the hell we are going to do after we move out of here on the 20th... In some ways I don't want to leave, in other I feel like I really want to get out and get started with this new life as soon as possible. It's a bit frustrating not knowing what will happen, but at the same time I feel like this place has not got much left for me. Even though I have some amazing friends here, I really do need a change. Who knows where we'll be?
(and some money would be nice too...)

And so it is
Just like you said it should be...
The random meeting (and possible convergence) of two friends from two different worlds has led me to think about the incredible ways in which we end up with the people we end up with, how many amazing friendships are borne out of chance... It made me think about how lucky I was to end up here, how everything could have been different.
Smaller versions of the butterfly effect, insignificant details of past lives which led us here. Who would I be if my lovely people, my almost family, wasn't here? My boy, the lovely Russian, Carmencita, and so many more.
Somehow I cannot but profoundly believe that this version of my world (one of many possible ones) is the absolute best I could have had. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Yes, the end of exams has made me emotional, even though it hasn't quite sunk in yet.
The end of another era, I guess.

Exam tomorrow (Migration and Development) and Tuesday (Health and Development).
Then: freedom, booze, sun (hopefully).
Obstacles: might die before I get there (stress, tiredness, etc.).
Now: revision revision revision.